News and Commentary - 2005/2006 Archive


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May 14, 2006

Bundesliga, Round 34 - FINAL ROUND

The season came to a close with some drama in a couple of locations. Wolfsburg held on to the draw against Kaiserslautern, staying up whilst their opponents go down. K-town actually came with a rather surprising defensive attitude into the game, despite the need to win. But it almost paid off, as the VWs continued to waste chances, and then a counter lead to Halil Altintop putting the visitors in front. However, they retreated back into their defensive shell, and eventually Wolfsburg not only equalized, but took the lead. Kaiserslautern got back to a draw with a late goal, but VW weathered the last few minutes, and Kaiserslautern goes down. Still, I'd be surprised to not see K-town gain immediate re-promotion, and Wolfsburg is rumoured to be losing Klimowicz and will undoubtedly struggle next season as well.

Hamburg also only needed a draw, but found themselves traiing against a clever Bremen squad. HSV began to take control completely in the 2nd half, but wasted chances, especially huge ones by Ailton with an open net, and Lauth, as usual. When they finally got the equalizer from Barbarez, the air seemed to have run out, and Werder began to take over, with a fine finish by Klose netting them the win. There certainly was some dodgy refereeing, but overall Werrder were just the smarter team, and their victory leapfrogs them into 2nd and the automatic Champions League spot.

Despite a relatively decent finish, Gladbach's directors decided to fire head coach Horst Köppel. Apparently they feel he isn't getting the potential out of the team, and although he was critical in saving them from relegation last season, I guess since he didn't get them into the CL this year, he's not doing his job. Dortmund tried to take advantage of Bayern's non-chalant attitude, and seized a point at the Allianz-Arena. The main news was that the ungrateful Bayern fans spent most of their time booing Michael Ballack, who is leaving for Chelsea.

The big news in Gelsenkirchen was not the excellent comeback by Schalke, led by retiring Ebbe Sand. Nor was it yet another sell-out crowd. Instead, rumours continue to float that Schalke is almost bankrupt, and is on the verge of insolvency with it's creditors. It really seems that bitter Ruhr rivals Dortmund and Schalke overextended themselves with their magnificent palaces, the Westfalenstadion (now "Signal Iduna Park") and the Arena Auf Schalke ("Veltins Arena"). Meanwhile, Bayern cleverly gets a new stadium with 1860, and continues to rake in the cash.

Duisburg said goodbye with a goal-less draw, although they have to be happy with a decent crowd in their last Bundesliga match for at least a year. Who knows, they may be back, since they're basically a team of nobodies that nobody wants, so they should have the nucleus back for the 2.Liga campaign. Köln also leaves on a high note, although they are likely to lose star "Prinz Poldi" to Bayern.

 

Hannover 96 		-   Bayer Leverkusen 	   2:2 (1:2) 	47,387	(Mertesacker, Yankov - Berbatov, Rolfes)
Eintracht Frankfurt 	-   Borussia M'gladbach    0:2 (0:0) 	49,500	(Neuville, Rafael)
Bayern München 		-   Borussia Dortmund 	   3:3 (1:1) 	69,000	(Makaay, Ballack, Schweinsteiger - Koller 2, Degen)
1. FC Nürnberg 		-   Hertha BSC Berlin 	   2:1 (1:1) 	45,817	(Vittek, Saenko - Dardai)
VfL Wolfsburg 		-   1. FC Kaiserslautern   2:2 (0:1) 	30,000	(Makiadi, Klimowicz - Altintop, Ziemer)
Hamburger SV 		-   Werder Bremen 	   1:2 (0:1) 	57,000	(Barbarez - Klasnic, Klose)
FC Schalke 04 		-   VfB Stuttgart 	   3:2 (0:1)	61,524	(Sand, Bordon, Waldoch - Hitzlsberger, Cacau)
MSV Duisburg 		-   1. FSV Mainz 05 	   0:0 (0:0) 	27,113
1. FC Köln 		-   Arminia Bielefeld 	   4:2 (1:0) 	49,000	(Podolski 2, Scherz, Helmes - Kobylik, Dalovic)


 1 	Bayern München 		34 	22 	9 	3 	67:32 	+35 	75
 2 	Werder Bremen 		34 	21 	7 	6 	79:37 	+42 	70
 3 	Hamburger SV 		34 	21 	5 	8 	53:30 	+23 	68
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 4 	FC Schalke 04 		34 	16 	13 	5 	47:31 	+16 	61
 5 	Bayer Leverkusen 	34 	14 	10 	10 	64:49 	+15 	52
 6 	Hertha BSC Berlin	34 	12 	12 	10 	52:48 	+4 	48
 7 	Borussia Dortmund 	34 	11 	13 	10 	45:42 	+3 	46
 8 	1. FC Nürnberg 		34 	12 	8 	14 	49:51 	-2 	44
 9 	VfB Stuttgart 		34 	9 	16 	9 	37:39 	-2 	43
10 	Borussia M'gladbach 	34 	10 	12 	12 	42:50 	-8 	42
11 	1. FSV Mainz 05 	34 	9 	11 	14 	46:47 	-1 	38
12 	Hannover 96 		34 	7 	17 	10 	43:47 	-4 	38
13 	Arminia Bielefeld 	34 	10 	7 	17 	32:47 	-15 	37
14 	Eintracht Frankfurt 	34 	9 	9 	16 	42:51 	-9 	36
15 	VfL Wolfsburg 		34 	7 	13 	14 	33:55 	-22 	34
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
16 	1. FC Kaiserslautern 	34 	8 	9 	17 	47:71 	-24 	33
17 	1. FC Köln 		34 	7 	9 	18 	49:71 	-22 	30
18 	MSV Duisburg 		34 	5 	12 	17 	34:63 	-29 	27


2.Liga, Round 34 - FINAL ROUND

Cottbus assured their return to the Bundesliga with their win over 1860, and since their rivals basically lost, even a draw would have sufficed. Bad news for Dresden: despite their win in Rostock, they go down, as Unterhaching was able to hold a point against champions Bochum.


Erzgebirge Aue 		- 	Sportfr. Siegen 	0:2 (0:0)	13,400	(Weikl, Schmitt)
Karlsruher SC 		- 	SC Paderborn 07 	2:3 (2:1) 	32,331	(Kapllani, Freis - Bunjaku, Schüßler, Schoof)
SpVgg Unterhaching 	- 	VfL Bochum 		0:0 (0:0) 	 7,000
Wacker Burghausen 	- 	Alem. Aachen 		1:1 (1:0) 	 5,300	(Krejci - Pinto) 	
1. FC Saarbrücken 	- 	Eintr. Braunschweig 	2:0 (1:0) 	 3,700	(Hajdarovic, Dudic) 	
SC Freiburg 		- 	Greuther Fürth 		1:0 (1:0) 	20,000	(Antar)
Energie Cottbus 	- 	TSV 1860 München 	3:1 (1:1) 	22,450	(Berhalter, daSilva, McKenna - Agostino)	
LR Ahlen 		- 	Kickers Offenbach 	1:0 (0:0) 	 4,219	(Patschinski)
Hansa Rostock 		- 	Dynamo Dresden 		1:3 (1:1) 	25,000	(Arvidsson - Bröker, Ulich, Pergl) 	



 1 	VfL Bochum	 	34 	19 	9 	6 	55:26 	+29 	66
 2 	Alemannia Aachen 	34 	20 	5 	9 	61:36 	+25 	65
 3 	Energie Cottbus 	34 	16 	10 	8 	49:33 	+16 	58
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 4 	SC Freiburg 		34 	16 	8 	10 	41:33 	+8 	56
 5 	SpVgg Greuther Fürth 	34 	15 	9 	10 	51:42 	+9 	54
 6 	Karlsruher SC 		34 	15 	8 	11 	55:45 	+10 	53
 7 	Erzgebirge Aue 		34 	13 	9 	12 	38:36 	+2 	48
 8 	Wacker Burghausen 	34 	12 	11 	11 	45:49 	-4 	47
 9 	SC Paderborn 07 	34 	13 	7 	14 	46:40 	+6 	46
10 	Hansa Rostock 		34 	13 	4 	17 	44:49 	-5 	43
11 	Kickers Offenbach 	34 	12 	7 	15 	42:53 	-11 	43
12 	Eintr. Braunschweig 	34 	13 	4 	17 	37:48 	-11 	43
13 	TSV 1860 Muenchen 	34 	11 	9 	14 	41:44 	-3 	42
14 	SpVgg Unterhaching 	34 	12 	6 	16 	42:48 	-6 	42
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
15 	Dynamo Dresden 		34 	11 	8 	15 	39:45 	-6 	41
16 	1. FC Saarbrücken 	34 	11 	5 	18 	37:63 	-26 	38
17 	LR Ahlen 		34 	9 	8 	17 	36:50 	-14 	35
18 	Sportfr. Siegen 	34 	8 	7 	19 	35:54 	-19 	31



May 7, 2006

2.Liga - Round 33

The Zweite Liga is going down to the last round for the final decisions to be made. The final promotion spot is really up for grabs. Although Cottbus is the front runner, they went down to a determined Offenbach, who secured safety from relegation with their huge win. 1860 finally secured their spot, although Walter Schachner still has to be the worst coach in the league. Meanwhile Fürth and Karlsruhe took advantage of Bochum and Aachen's "ho-hum, we're already qualified" attitude for big road wins. On the bottom, Dresden took their very last chance and will hope for Unterhaching to falter in the last round.

In the decisive finals, Freibrug hosts Fürth, although a win for the hosts is not enough - they'll need for the other contenders to lose. Karlsruhe hosts Paderborn, which should be a win. Cottbus is the leader of the pack, and perhaps a draw will suffice. But they don't have an easy task, as they host 1860 - who are better on the road then at home.

On the relegation side, Dresden will have to win at ex-GDR rivals Rostock, whom I'm sure would be happy to send them down, and then hope for Bochum to show some motivation and win at Unterhaching.

 

Greuther Fürth 		-   Hansa Rostock 	2:0 (2:0) 	 7,400	(Mijatovic, Eigler)
Dynamo Dresden 		-   LR Ahlen 		3:1 (2:0) 	22,389	(Fröhlich, Velkoborsky, Kennedy - Thioune)
Kickers Offenbach 	-   Energie Cottbus 	2:0 (1:0) 	16,739	(Dorn 2)
Alemannia Aachen 	-   SC Freiburg 	0:1 (0:1) 	21,452	(Coulibaly) 
TSV 1860 München 	-   1. FC Saarbrücken 	1:0 (1:0) 	60,000	(Milchraum)
Sportfr. Siegen 	-   Wacker Burghausen 	2:1 (0:0) 	 6,373	(Melkam, Cafú - Bogavac)
Eintr. Braunschweig 	-   SpVgg Unterhaching 	3:0 (1:0) 	20,000	(Bick, Rische, Graf)
VfL Bochum 		-   Karlsruher SC 	2:3 (1:1) 	25,374  (Edu, van Hout - Kapllani, Dundee, Schwarz)
SC Paderborn 07 	-   Erzgebirge Aue 	0:2 (0:1)	 5,592	(Hampf, Heller)



 1 	VfL Bochum	 	33 	19 	8 	6 	55:26 	29 	65
 2 	Alemannia Aachen 	33 	20 	4 	9 	60:35 	25 	64
 3 	Energie Cottbus 	33 	15 	10 	8 	46:32 	14 	55
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 4 	SpVgg Greuther Fürth 	33 	15 	9 	9 	51:41 	10 	54
 5 	Karlsruher SC 		33 	15 	8 	10 	53:42 	11 	53
 6 	SC Freiburg 		33 	15 	8 	10 	40:33 	7 	53
 7 	Erzgebirge Aue 		33 	13 	9 	11 	38:34 	4 	48
 8 	Wacker Burghausen 	33 	12 	10 	11 	44:48 	-4 	46
 9 	SC Paderborn 07 	33 	12 	7 	14 	43:38 	5 	43
10 	Hansa Rostock 		33 	13 	4 	16 	43:46 	-3 	43
11 	Eintr. Braunschweig 	33 	13 	4 	16 	37:46 	-9 	43
12 	Kickers Offenbach 	33 	12 	7 	14 	42:52 	-10 	43
13 	TSV 1860 München	33 	11 	9 	13 	40:41 	-1 	42
14 	SpVgg Unterhaching 	33 	12 	5 	16 	42:48 	-6 	41
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
15 	Dynamo Dresden 		33 	10 	8 	15 	36:44 	-8 	38
16 	1. FC Saarbrücken 	33 	10 	5 	18 	35:63 	-28 	35
17 	LR Ahlen 		33 	8 	8 	17 	35:50 	-15 	32
18 	Sportfr. Siegen 	33 	7 	7 	19 	33:54 	-21 	28



May 6, 2006

Bundesliga, Round 33

Bayern wins 20th title, a draw in Kaiserslautern was enough to clinch. Not really surprising, as it seemed inevitable. Lautern was desperate for a win, and as Bayern was only going through the motions, they managed to gain an advantage. However, Bayern decided that they didn't want to lose, and raised their game in the 2nd half. Lautern will travel to Wolfsburg next week - a win saves them, else relegation. Meanwhile, Bremen also set themselves up for a "final" for 2nd place. They blasted Köln and travel to Hamburg. A win means 2nd place and automatic Champions League. Meanwhile, a rare sell-out in Berlin's Olympia stadion saw Hertha put in a good effort as they dumped HSV.

Team of the Week: Werder
Turd of the Weak: Köln


Werder Bremen 		-   1. FC Köln 		6:0 (3:0) 	42,000	(Borowski 2, Klose 2, Klasnic 2)
Arminia Bielefeld 	-   MSV Duisburg 	0:2 (0:0) 	19,452	(Ahn, Caligiuri)
1. FSV Mainz 05 	-   FC Schalke 04 	1:0 (1:0) 	20,300	(Auer)
Hertha BSC Berlin	-   Hamburger SV 	4:2 (1:2) 	74,218	(Neuendorf, Madlung, Kovac, Pantelic - Trochowski, Lauth)
VfB Stuttgart 	  	-   VfL Wolfsburg 	2:1 (1:1) 	31,000	(Ljuboja, Gentner - Menseguez)	
Bayer Leverkusen 	-   1. FC Nürnberg 	2:2 (0:1) 	22,500	(Berbatov 2 - Mnari, Kiessling)
1. FC Kaiserslautern    -   Bayern München 	1:1 (1:0) 	50,754	(Altintop - Ottl) 
Borussia Dortmund 	-   Eintracht Frankfurt 1:1 (0:0) 	80,200	(Gambino - Cha)
Borussia M'gladbach 	-   Hannover 96 	2:2 (0:1) 	51,498	(Jansen, Sonck - Jansen, Vinicius)



 1 	Bayern München 		33 	22 	8 	3 	64:29 	+35 	74
 2 	Hamburger SV 		33 	21 	5 	7 	52:28 	+24 	68
 3 	Werder Bremen 		33 	20 	7 	6 	77:36 	+41 	67
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 4 	FC Schalke 04 		33 	15 	13 	5 	44:29 	+15 	58
 5 	Bayer Leverkusen 	33 	14 	9 	10 	62:47 	+15 	51
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 6 	Hertha BSC Berlin	33 	12 	12 	9 	51:46 	+5 	48
 7 	Borussia Dortmund 	33 	11 	12 	10 	42:39 	+3 	45
 8 	VfB Stuttgart 		33 	9 	16 	8 	35:36 	-1 	43
 9 	1. FC Nürnberg 		33 	11 	8 	14 	47:50 	-3 	41
10 	Borussia M'gladbach 	33 	9 	12 	12 	40:50 	-10 	39
11 	1. FSV Mainz 05 	33 	9 	10 	14 	46:47 	-1 	37
12 	Hannover 96 		33 	7 	16 	10 	41:45 	-4 	37
13 	Arminia Bielefeld 	33 	10 	7 	16 	30:43 	-13 	37
14 	Eintracht Frankfurt 	33 	9 	9 	15 	42:49 	-7 	36
15 	VfL Wolfsburg 		33 	7 	12 	14 	31:53 	-22 	33
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
16 	1. FC Kaiserslautern 	33 	8 	8 	17 	45:69 	-24 	32
17 	1. FC Köln 		33 	6 	9 	18 	45:69 	-24 	27
18 	MSV Duisburg 		33 	5 	11 	17 	34:63 	-29 	26



May 5, 2006

Bundesliga, Round 32

Oh well, I suppose catching up is better late than never :)

Just about everything is decided, although there are some outcomes that might amuse mathemeticians. In reality, probably the only question left is does Wolfsburg or Kaiserslautern drop, as Köln officially bit the dust.

In a decisive UEFA battle, Berlin got waylaid by the inform Aspirin squad. The match was relatively even, but Leverkusen used their chances like a cold-blooded reptile, whereas Hertha had resembled a mad-cow disease infection in front of goal. The net was a major Ohrfeige by the hottest squad in the Bundesliga. Nürnberg celebrated their great escape in front of an appreciative crowd, and are thrilled that miracle coach Hans Meyer has decided to stay on. Russian Ivan Saenko was unstoppable, creating 4 goals, and Fussballgott Robert Vittek notched another two goals. Gladbach probably deserved better, but instead showed their "class" by announcing they are kicking out manager Horst Köppel, since it must obviously be his fault that they suck.

Dortmund also sucked, but backup keeper Dennis Gentelaar was absolutely brilliant as the Neons stole the points in Hannover. Christian Wörns got the winner, and afterwards the dirty SOB was banned for 4 matches on video evidence for his cheapshot elbow last week against Stefan Kiessling. Köln dominated in front of a sold-out crowd against Hamburg, but were unable to score - at least the right way. An early own goal did them in, along with crap finishing, HSV's catenaccio and a crap referee who missed at least two obvious intentional handballs. So off to the Zweite Liga for the "Goats". Also packed was another desperate relegation battle, as Frankfurt and Kaiserslautern split the points. A wild match in Duisburg as the Zebras entertained their home fans with a nice effort before they were clubbed into submission by Werder. This sealed even the mathematical chance of salvation, and is MSV's 5th relegation. The Volkswagens were ambushed at home Toyota driving Mainzers. Wolfsburg may have to rely on their final game when they host Kaiserslautern to ensure another Bundesliga season.

Bayern pretty much wrapped up another title with an easy win over the most boring team in the Bundesliga. And no one really cares that Schalke beat Bielefeld, although I wish I had watched it, since apparently Gerald Asamoah kicked the ball in the net, which is an unbelievably rare and stunning achievement that certainly needed to be witnessed!

Team of the Week: Mainz, Leverkusen
Turd of the Weak: Wolfsburg

 
 
Hertha BSC Berlin     -   Bayer Leverkusen 	1:5 (1:3) 	51,324	(Marcelinho - Berbatov 2, Juan, Ramelow, Schneider)
1. FC Nürnberg 	      -   Borussia M'gladbach 	5:2 (1:2) 	42,391	(Vittek 2, Polack, Kiessling, Saenko - Ze Antonio, Sonck)
Hannover 96 	      -   Borussia Dortmund 	1:2 (1:0) 	41,387	(Mertesacker - Rosicky, Woerns)
1. FC Köln 	      -   Hamburger SV 		0:1 (0:1) 	50,000	(Sinkiewicz, o.g.) 	
Eintracht Frankfurt   -   1. FC Kaiserslautern 	2:2 (0:1) 	50,000	(Köhler, Amanatidis - Reinert, Ziemer)  	
MSV Duisburg 	      -   Werder Bremen 	3:5 (2:3) 	23,104	(Ahn, Ahanfouf 2 - Klose 2, Micoud 2, Klasnic)	
Bayern München 	      -   VfB Stuttgart 	3:1 (2:1) 	69,000	(SantaCruz, Pizarro, Schweinsteiger - Ljuboja)
VfL Wolfsburg 	      -   1. FSV Mainz 05 	0:3 (0:1) 	23,885  (Auer 2, Thurk)
FC Schalke 04 	      -   Arminia Bielefeld 	3:1 (1:0) 	60,240	(Asamoah, Larsen, Altintop - Küntzel)



 1 	Bayern München 		32 	22 	 7 	 3 	63:28 	+35 	73
 2 	Hamburger SV 		32 	21 	 5 	 6 	50:24 	+26 	68
 3 	Werder Bremen 		32 	19 	 7 	 6 	71:36 	+35 	64
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 4 	FC Schalke 04 		32 	15 	13 	 4 	44:28 	+16 	58
 5 	Bayer Leverkusen 	32 	14 	 8 	10 	60:45 	+15 	50
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 6 	Hertha BSC Berlin	32 	11 	12 	 9 	47:44 	+3 	45
 7 	Borussia Dortmund 	32 	11 	11 	10 	41:38 	+3 	44
 8 	VfB Stuttgart 		32 	 8 	16 	 8 	33:35 	-2 	40
 9 	1. FC Nürnberg 		32 	11 	 7 	14 	45:48 	-3 	40
10 	Borussia M'gladbach 	32 	 9 	11 	12 	38:48 	-10 	38
11 	Arminia Bielefeld 	32 	10 	 7 	15 	30:41 	-11 	37
12 	Hannover 96 		32 	 7 	15 	10 	39:43 	-4 	36
13 	Eintracht Frankfurt 	32 	 9 	 8 	15 	41:48 	-7 	35
14 	1. FSV Mainz 05 	32 	 8 	10 	14 	45:47 	-2 	34
15 	VfL Wolfsburg 		32 	 7 	12 	13 	30:51 	-21 	33
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
16 	1. FC Kaiserslautern 	32 	 8 	 7 	17 	44:68 	-24 	31
17 	1. FC Köln 		32 	 6 	 9 	17 	45:63 	-18 	27
18 	MSV Duisburg 		32 	 4 	11 	17 	32:63 	-31 	23



2.Liga - Round 32

Huge win by Offenbach, and Saarbrücken immediately fired their coach Rudi Bommer. He had been complaining about lazy-ass players all season, so the board decided to take decisive action...

 
Erzgebirge Aue 		-   VfL Bochum 		0:1 (0:0) 	12,150	(Czyszczon) 	
Alemannia Aachen 	-   Sportfr. Siegen 	3:0 (2:0) 	20,898	(Ebbers 2, Koen)
Wacker Burghausen 	-   SC Paderborn 07 	5:1 (2:1) 	 3,600	(Burkhardt 2, Krejci, Wiesinger, Kneissel - R. Müller)
SpVgg Unterhaching 	-   TSV 1860 München 	1:0 (0:0) 	13,000	(Oswald)
1. FC Saarbrücken 	-   Kickers Offenbach 	0:4 (0:2) 	17,500	(Türker 2, Mokhtari, Wörle)
Hansa Rostock 		-   SC Freiburg 	1:2 (1:2) 	 8,500	(Kern - Matmour 2)
Karlsruher SC 		-   Eintr. Braunschweig 7:0 (3:0) 	10,800	(Kapllani 2, Mutzel, Federico, Schwarz, Freis,  Männer)
LR Ahlen 		-   Greuther Fürth 	1:2 (1:1) 	 3,408  (Bamba - Fuchs 2)
Energie Cottbus 	-   Dynamo Dresden 	0:0 (0:0) 	17,000



 1 	VfL Bochum	 	32 	19 	8 	5 	53:23 	30 	65
 2 	Alemannia Aachen 	32 	20 	4 	8 	60:34 	26 	64
 3 	Energie Cottbus 	32 	15 	10 	7 	46:30 	16 	55
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 4 	Greuther Fürth 		32 	14 	9 	9 	49:41 	8 	51
 5 	Karlsruher SC 		32 	14 	8 	10 	50:40 	10 	50
 6 	SC Freiburg 		32 	14 	8 	10 	39:33 	6 	50
 7 	Wacker Burghausen 	32 	12 	10 	10 	43:46 	-3 	46
 8 	Erzgebirge Aue 		32 	12 	9 	11 	36:34 	2 	45
 9 	SC Paderborn 07 	32 	12 	7 	13 	43:36 	7 	43
10 	Hansa Rostock 		32 	13 	4 	15 	43:44 	-1 	43
11 	SpVgg Unterhaching 	32 	12 	5 	15 	42:45 	-3 	41
12 	Kickers Offenbach 	32 	11 	7 	14 	40:52 	-12 	40
13 	Eintr. Braunschweig 	32 	12 	4 	16 	34:46 	-12 	40
14 	TSV 1860 München	32 	10 	9 	13 	39:41 	-2 	39
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
15 	Dynamo Dresden 		32 	9 	8 	15 	33:43 	-10 	35
16 	1. FC Saarbrücken 	32 	10 	5 	17 	35:62 	-27 	35
17 	LR Ahlen 		32 	8 	8 	16 	34:47 	-13 	32
18 	Sportfr. Siegen 	32 	6 	7 	19 	31:53 	-22 	25



May 1, 2006

DFB Pokal Final

The Cup was once again won by Bayern München, I believe for the 13th time. They played a ho-hum match, but still managed to win against Eintracht Frankfurt, despite minimal effort. The Frankfurters are just happy that they'll qualify for the UEFA Cup, as Bayern goes to Champions League. But their fighting spirit entertained the 75,000 in Berlin and forced Bayern to at least go out and win the match. The most interesting thing is that Bayern President Franz Beckenbauer pontificated afterwards, criticizing Michael Ballack as just going through the motions, "saving himself for Chelsea". Vice President Karl-Heinz Rummenigge launched his own salvo, demanding that a European wide salary was needed to stop Chelski from stealing everybody's players. What a bunch of wankers! How bout a German salary cap preventing Bayern from stealing everybody's players?


April 26, 2006

The Third Liga?

The much rumoured "Dritte Liga", or "3rd Bundesliga", is coming much closer to reality. The DFL (which runs the Bundesliga and 2.Liga) has proposed a fully professional 3rd level with a single division. The existing Regionalliga would then become the 4th level. The new league would have 18 clubs, and the contraversial "amateur" clubs of the Bundesliga teams would not be allowed to participate. 2 clubs from the 2.Liga would be relegated, and then the 16th place team would playoff against the 3rd placed 3.Liga squad. For relegation, 3 clubs would drop down into the Regionalliga. There does appear some illogic in the discussions, as the proposals claim that the Bundesliga and 2.Liga would still maintain all the TV money (that's why the DFL really exists anyway). The 3.Liga would get minimal euros, but "get additional funds from German international matches". Why the DFB would give up that lucrative source of revenue boggles the mind, but like most German meetings, it was probably in the backroom of the local pub, and after several liters of beer, well, it sounded like a good idea at the time. Besides, it's always a good idea to spend somebody else's money. If the soccer federation, the DFB, goes along with this idea, then it would start in the 2008/09 season.

Now, the idea of the 3.Liga is probably sound, although it's not clear to me that attendance in the lower leagues would really support this. While the Bundesliga has the best attendance in the world, and the 2.Liga in general is OK, the existing Regionalliga "crowds" are usually lame.


April 23, 2006

Bundesliga, round 31

Hamburg may have thrown away their last chance for the title, as they were beaten at home by Leverkusen. HSV was missing some key players (like van der Vaart, Van Buyten, Beinlich), but neverthless dominated the game, attacking furiously throughout. But poor finishing, especially from a worthless Benny Lauth (lout) and superb goal-keeping from the Aspirin's Hans-Jörg Butt, kept them from scoring. Meanwhile, Leverkusen launched a couple of counterattacks and scored. Bayern was however unable to take full advantage, as they were pressed to the limit by a desperate Mainz squad. In a wild first half, Mainz started out furiously, and jumped on Bayern for a two goal lead after only 15 minutes. However, from that point on, the champions dominated the match, and Mainz was desperately holding out. In the end, both sides were probably happy with a point, Mainz because it was unexpected, and Bayern because it's another plus over HSV. Bremen also gained a point, as their match with Schalke ended in a scoreless draw. Despite the lack of scoring, it was a hard fought, interesting game, with Bremen having a slight edge. However, Schalke might have stolen it at the end, but they were denied a penalty in the closing seconds.

The relegation battle gets hotter by the minute. Virtually all the bottom clubs were getting results this weekend. Kaiserslautern had a decent first half and got a critical goal, but were then dominated by hannover in the 2nd half, and were lucky to escape with the win. Wolfsburg had a huge away win at Bielefeld. Overall, they played better than Arminia, which has already secured their safety. It may be a high price for the VWs, as striker Mike Hanke was injured and will probably miss the last few matches. Frankfurt also gained a crucial awy win, with a solid performance against a harmless Stuttgart squad. Finally, Köln took their last chance and their win condemns Duisburg to relegation. Everyone knew it was coming for the Zebras,, as they were pretty much without hope all season.

In games without much to play for, Gladbach was unable to hold two leads against Hertha, but should be happy with a point. Berlin had more chances and generally controlled the match. Dortmund had a hard fought win over Nürnberg in front of another huge crowd.

Team of the Week: Frankfurt, critical win might mean salvation
Turd of the Weak: Duisburg - Good night!

 
 
Hamburger SV 	      -   Bayer Leverkusen 	0:2 (0:1)	57,000	(Rolfes, Freier)
1. FC Köln            -   MSV Duisburg 		3:1 (1:0) 	47,000	(Streit, Feulner, Podolski - Ahanfouf) 	
Borussia M'gladbach   -   Hertha BSC 		2:2 (1:1) 	50,216	(Chahed, Broich - Bastürk, Kovac)
Arminia Bielefeld     -   VfL Wolfsburg 	0:1 (0:1) 	19,097	(Karhan) 	
Borussia Dortmund     -   1. FC Nürnberg 	2:1 (1:1) 	70,700	(Kringe 2 - Nikl) 	
VfB Stuttgart 	      -   Eintracht Frankfurt 	0:2 (0:0) 	56,000	(Meier, Amanatidis)
1. FC Kaiserslautern  -   Hannover 96 		1:0 (1:0) 	35,325	(Halfar)
Werder Bremen 	      -   FC Schalke 04 	0:0 (0:0) 	42,100
1. FSV Mainz 05       -   Bayern München 	2:2 (2:2) 	20,300	(Zidan, Freidrich - Makaay 2)



 1 	Bayern München 		31 	21 	 7 	 3 	60:27 	+33 	70
 2 	Hamburger SV 		31 	20 	 5 	 6 	49:24 	+25 	65
 3 	Werder Bremen 		31 	18 	 7 	 6 	66:33 	+33 	61
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 4 	FC Schalke 04 		31 	14 	13 	 4 	41:27 	+14 	55
 5 	Bayer Leverkusen 	31 	13 	 8 	10 	55:44 	+11 	47
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 6 	Hertha BSC Berlin	31 	11 	12 	 8 	46:39 	+7 	45
 7 	Borussia Dortmund 	31 	10 	11 	10 	39:37 	+2 	41
 8 	VfB Stuttgart 		31 	 8 	16 	 7 	32:32 	 0 	40
 9 	Borussia M'gladbach 	31 	 9 	11 	11 	36:43 	-7 	38
10 	1. FC Nürnberg 		31 	10 	 7 	14 	40:46 	-6 	37
11 	Arminia Bielefeld 	31 	10 	 7 	14 	29:38 	-9 	37
12 	Hannover 96 		31 	 7 	15 	 9 	38:41 	-3 	36
13 	Eintracht Frankfurt 	31 	 9 	 7 	15 	39:46 	-7 	34
14 	VfL Wolfsburg 		31 	 7 	12 	12 	30:48 	-18 	33
15 	1. FSV Mainz 05 	31 	 7 	10 	14 	42:47 	-5 	31
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
16 	1. FC Kaiserslautern 	31 	 8 	 6 	17 	42:66 	-24 	30
17 	1. FC Köln 		31 	 6 	 9 	16 	45:62 	-17 	27
18 	MSV Duisburg 		31 	 4 	11 	16 	29:58 	-29 	23

2.Liga, round 31

Fürth proved they don't deserve to go up, as under 9,000 showed up for a critical match with Cottbus. The draw puts Energie in the driver's seat for the 3rd and final promotion spot. Already promoted Bochum and Aachen had hangovers from the promotion celebrations last week, and both lost disgracefully, but I'm sure they don't mind. Critical relegation battles saw a huge Offenbach win, and Dresden grabbed their last chance.

 
 
SC Paderborn 07       -    Alemannia Aachen 	3:1 (3:1) 	 8,836	(Bollmann, Ndjeng, Müller - Sukalo) 
VfL Bochum            -    Wacker Burghausen 	1:2 (0:1) 	21,921	(Edu - Krejci, Burkhardt)
TSV 1860 München      -    Karlsruher SC 	2:0 (2:0) 	57,100	(Shao, Lehmann)
SC Freiburg 	      -    Sportfr. Siegen 	2:2 (0:1) 	11,000	(Antar, Pitroipa - Nauroth, Cafu)
Hansa Rostock 	      -    LR Ahlen 		1:2 (0:0) 	10,000  (Sebastian - Bamba, Book)
Dynamo Dresden 	      -    1. FC Saarbrücken 	2:0 (1:0) 	20,007	(Kennedy, Ludwig)
Kickers Offenbach     -    SpVgg Unterhaching 	4:1 (2:1) 	10,075	(Türker, Dorn, Sieger - Omodiagbe)
Eintr. Braunschweig   -    Erzgebirge Aue 	0:1 (0:0) 	18,700	(Curri) 	
SpVgg Greuther Fürth  -    Energie Cottbus	1:1 (1:0)	 8,600	(Mijatovic - Berhalter)



 1 	VfL Bochum 		31 	18 	8 	5 	52:23 	+29 	62
 2 	Alemannia Aachen 	31 	19 	4 	8 	57:34 	+23 	61
 3 	Energie Cottbus 	31 	15 	9 	7 	46:30 	+16 	54
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 4 	Greuther Fürth 		31 	13 	9 	9 	47:40 	+7 	48
 5 	SC Freiburg 		31 	13 	8 	10 	37:32 	+5 	47
 6 	Karlsruher SC 		31 	13 	8 	10 	43:40 	+3 	47
 7 	Erzgebirge Aue 		31 	12 	9 	10 	36:33 	+3 	45
 8 	SC Paderborn 07 	31 	12 	7 	12 	42:31 	+11 	43
 9 	Hansa Rostock 		31 	13 	4 	14 	42:42 	 0 	43
10 	Wacker Burghausen 	31 	11 	10 	10 	38:45 	-7 	43
11 	Eintr. Braunschweig 	31 	12 	4 	15 	34:39 	-5 	40
12 	TSV 1860 München 	31 	10 	9 	12 	39:40 	-1 	39
13 	SpVgg Unterhaching 	31 	11 	5 	15 	41:45 	-4 	38
14 	Kickers Offenbach 	31 	10 	7 	14 	36:52 	-16 	37
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
15 	1. FC Saarbrücken 	31 	10 	5 	16 	35:58 	-23 	35
16 	Dynamo Dresden 		31 	9 	7 	15 	33:43 	-10 	34
17 	LR Ahlen 		31 	8 	8 	15 	33:45 	-12 	32
18 	Sportfr. Siegen 	31 	6 	7 	18 	31:50 	-19 	25



April 16, 2006

Bundesliga, round 30

No changes at the top, but things remain red hot at the bottom. The highlight of Bayern's win over Bielefeld was actually in the pre-game. GK Olli Kahn used his face to block a shot during warmups and got a black eye, which caused him to get pulled from the lineup. The rumour that Jürgen Klinsmann fired the shot can not be substantiated, since he claims he was on his way back to California. As for the game itself, Arminia defended well and was determined to get a point, so it took most of the game for Bayern to break them down. Hamburg remains 4 points back, as they generally had an easier time at Duisburg. They struck twice and then coasted, and although Duisburg controlled most of the game and pressured, HSV was never in any real danger. Bremen ended up with a lame result in the Nord derby at relegation threatened Wolfsburg. The VWs had Quiroga red carded early, but fought hard against a controlling but ineffective Werder side. In fact, they almost lost, with Wiese forced to make a nice save from a Mike Hanke free-kick in the dying seconds. But Schalke was unable to take advantage, so Bremen easily slides into Champions League qualifying for next season. Schalke actually sucked and was outplayed by Köln, and were lucky to get a draw at home, which undoubtedly thrilled the sold-out Veltins-Arena crowd. They've been total crap down the stretch, so they'll have to hope for UEFA Cup success to slavage something. Köln played strongly, but it's probably too late: the 6 point deficit with only 4 matches left might be too much.

Nürnberg is another team that has pretty much avoided relegation. And this is an amazing feat, as they were easily one of the worst teams early in the season. But their stretch run has been impressive, and their closing minutes win against Kaiserslautern (managed by ex-Club coach Wolfgang Wolf) may have condemned the Red devils to the drop. Once again, Robert Vittek was the hero, with his brace including the winner. This was a real relegation battle, with both teams fighting to the last breath. Also hard fought was the scoreless derby between Frankfurt and Mainz. Neither team moves out of relegation threat, but every point counts.

In form Leverkusen was generally weak, and had to struggle against a 10 man Gladbach to secure the win, Oude-Kamphuis getting his ass tossed in the 1st half. Nevertheless, the win allows them to move into the last UEFA spot. (I believe Frankfurt will get one spot, being DFB Cup finalist, since Bayern is going to the the CL). Hertha was unable to win against Dortmund, in a rather strange match. The visitors totally controlled the first half, but Hertha woke up and dominated the 2nd. Neverthless, no goals. Just the opposite in Hannover, in a wild draw. The 96ers were going gangbusters and up by 2, but then Altin Lala got his ass tossed, and Stuttgart came roaring back to tie. Both clubs seem to be going nowhere, so it's a fitting result that at least entertains the fans.

Team of the Week: Nürnberg - saving themselves
Turd of the Weak: Schalke - what a lame effort

 
 
FC Schalke 04 	    - 	 1. FC Köln 		1:1 (0:1)	61,524	(Bajramovic - Podolski)  	
Bayer Leverkusen    - 	 Borussia M'gladbach 	2:1 (1:0) 	22,500	(Rolfes 2 - Neuville)
Hertha BSC Berlin   - 	 Borussia Dortmund 	0:0 (0:0)	65,662 	
MSV Duisburg 	    - 	 Hamburger SV 		0:2 (0:2) 	28,164  (Möhrle o.g., Ailton)
VfL Wolfsburg 	    - 	 Werder Bremen 		1:1 (1:1) 	27,996	(Hristov - Valdez)
Eintracht Frankfurt - 	 1. FSV Mainz 05 	0:0 (0:0) 	49,962
Bayern München 	    - 	 Arminia Bielefeld 	2:0 (0:0)	69,000	(Ballack, Scholl) 	
1. FC Nürnberg 	    - 	 1. FC Kaiserslautern 	3:2 (1:1) 	47,250	(Vittek 2, Paulus - Altintop 2)
Hannover 96 	    -  	 VfB Stuttgart 		3:3 (2:0) 	35,000	(Stajner, Balitsch, Mertesacker - Ljuboja, Hitzlsberger, Tomasson)	



 1 	Bayern München 		30 	21 	 6 	 3 	58:25 	+33 	69
 2 	Hamburger SV 		30 	20 	 5 	 5 	49:22 	+27 	65
 3 	Werder Bremen 		30 	18 	 6 	 6 	66:33 	+33 	60
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 4 	FC Schalke 04 		30 	14 	12 	 4 	41:27 	+14 	54
 5 	Bayer Leverkusen 	30 	12 	 8 	10 	53:44 	+9 	44
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 6 	Hertha BSC Berlin 	30 	11 	11 	 8 	44:37 	+7 	44
 7 	VfB Stuttgart 		30 	 8 	16 	 6 	32:30 	+2 	40
 8 	Borussia Dortmund 	30 	 9 	11 	10 	37:36 	+1 	38
 9 	1. FC Nürnberg 		30 	10 	 7 	13 	39:44 	-5 	37
10 	Borussia M'gladbach 	30 	 9 	10 	11 	34:41 	-7 	37
11 	Arminia Bielefeld 	30 	10 	 7 	13 	29:37 	-8 	37
12 	Hannover 96 		30 	 7 	15 	 8 	38:40 	-2 	36
13 	Eintracht Frankfurt 	30 	 8 	 7 	15 	37:46 	-9 	31
14 	1. FSV Mainz 05 	30 	 7 	 9 	14 	40:45 	-5 	30
15 	VfL Wolfsburg 		30 	 6 	12 	12 	29:48 	-19 	30
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
16 	1. FC Kaiserslautern 	30 	 7 	 6 	17 	41:66 	-25 	27
17 	1. FC Köln 		30 	 5 	 9 	16 	42:61 	-19 	24
18 	MSV Duisburg 		30 	 4 	11 	15 	28:55 	-27 	23


2.Liga, round 30

Party time in Aachen! The Alemannia fans were celebrating before kickoff, as results had already ensured their return to the Bundesliga - after a 36 year absence since their relegation in 1970. And there were more celebrations afterwards, as by winning the match, Bochum fans can cheer their latest elevator ride. Meanwhile, Saarbrücken's huge win over Fürth not only is massive in their desperate relegation battle, but may have handed the 3rd promotion spot to Cottbus. The plucky Energie is bidding for a sensational return as the only ex-GDR representative in the top flight.

At the bottom, Siegen looks to be mathematically finished, and the alarm bells must be defeaning at 1860, after they got their ass kicked in Aue. Both Offenbach and Dresden got good away points and are crawling up 1860's rear...

 
 

Energie Cottbus      - 	 Hansa Rostock 		2:0 (1:0)	15,000	(Radu 2)
Sportfr. Siegen      - 	 SC Paderborn 07 	0:2 (0:1)	 6,374	(Ndjeng,  Krösche)
Karlsruher SC 	     - 	 Kickers Offenbach 	1:1 (0:1)	18,500	(Dundee - Diabang)
LR Ahlen 	     - 	 SC Freiburg 		0:0 (0:0)	 3,841
Wacker Burghausen    - 	 Eintr. Braunschweig 	1:2 (0:2)	 4,500	(Krejci - Bick 2)
1. FC Saarbrücken    - 	 Greuther Fürth 	1:0 (1:0)	10,000	(Jäger)
Erzgebirge Aue 	     - 	 TSV 1860 München 	3:0 (2:0)	15,000	(Klinka, Juskowiak 2)
SpVgg Unterhaching   - 	 Dynamo Dresden 	1:1 (0:1)	 5,500	(Buck - Vorbeck)
Alemannia Aachen     - 	 VfL Bochum 		0:2 (0:1)	21,632	(Beckmann, Misimovic)



 1 	VfL Bochum	 	30 	18 	 8 	 4 	51:21 	+30 	62
 2 	Alemannia Aachen 	30 	19 	 4 	 7 	56:31 	+25 	61
 3 	Energie Cottbus 	30 	15 	 8 	 7 	45:29 	+16 	53
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 4 	Greuther Fürth 		30 	13 	 8 	 9 	46:39 	+7 	47
 5 	Karlsruher SC 		30 	13 	 8 	 9 	43:38 	+5 	47
 6 	SC Freiburg 		30 	13 	 7 	10 	35:30 	+5 	46
 7 	Hansa Rostock 		30 	13 	 4 	13 	41:40 	+1 	43
 8 	Erzgebirge Aue 		30 	11 	 9 	10 	35:33 	+2 	42
 9 	SC Paderborn 07 	30 	11 	 7 	12 	39:30 	+9 	40
10 	Eintr. Braunschweig 	30 	12 	 4 	14 	34:38 	-4 	40
11 	Wacker Burghausen 	30 	10 	10 	10 	36:44 	-8 	40
12 	SpVgg Unterhaching 	30 	11 	 5 	14 	40:41 	-1 	38
13 	TSV 1860 München 	30  	 9 	 9 	12 	37:40 	-3 	36
14 	1. FC Saarbrücken 	30 	10 	 5 	15 	35:56 	-21 	35
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
15 	Kickers Offenbach 	30 	 9 	 7 	14 	32:51 	-19 	34
16 	Dynamo Dresden 		30 	 8 	 7 	15 	31:43 	-12 	31
17 	LR Ahlen	 	30 	 7 	 8 	15 	31:44 	-13 	29
18 	Sportfr. Siegen 	30 	 6 	 6 	18 	29:48 	-19 	24


Desperate Housewives, Bundesliga style

Hamburg's star winger, Iranian Mehdi Mahdavikia, has been making headlines. Usually, his impressive runs down the right flank create chaos in the opponent ranks, and over the past few years, he's been one of the best HSV players. However, now he's making some headlines off the pitch as well, as he is embroiled in a scandal off the pitch. Apparently he has two wives. He's been married to Sepideh for several years, and has a 7 year old daughter. But Mehdi apparently has a wandering eye, and he met Samira and in December 2005 married her in a cermenony in Tehran. Now as a Muslim, Mahdavikia is theoretically allowed more than one wife, although in Iran at least this is apparently frowned upon. Mehdi set up Samira with a house in Hamburg, so he could visit both his wives. There was just one minor detail: the two women didn't know about each other. Samira is also apparently pregnant, and is suing Mehdi for support, since he's denying everything. Mehdi's response is that this is all a plot against him, even though there is apparently documented proof of his marriage to Samira. He's going to get taken to the cleaner's, as Samira is a German citizen, and is suing in German courts.

The truth is probably that Mehdi is correct, it IS a conspiracy against him, as Samira is undoubtedly a Bayern fan receiving direct instructions from GM Uli Hoeness to thwart HSV's title hopes :)

Below are photos of the two wives...in chronological order


April 13, 2006

DFB Cup

No shocking results, but certainly an interesting match-up that caught everyone's attention was the St.Pauli-Bayern clash at a sold out Millerntor in Hamburg. The 3rd division club fought for every ball and sold their hides expensively, as Bayern had to struggle, before two goals in the last 5 mniutes by Pizarro sealed the 3-0 win. The other semi-final was a boring Frankurt 1-0 win over Bielefeld, which means that Bayern and Frankfurt will meet in Berlin for the DFB-Pokalfinale.


April 9, 2006

Bundesliga, round 29

Whoa! Is there goig to be a race afterall? Bayern seemed to be sliding along to yet another title, but they just got bitch-slapped silly in Bremen, and their lead is now down to 4 points. And with Olli Kahn throwing fits with his attitude, perhaps there might be something left for Hamburg to sneak in. But before you get too excited, just remeber that bayern usually manages to come out on top. Although they went down in flames to Bremen, it's unlikely that they'll totally collapse. As General Manager Uli Hoeness once proclaimed "We'll win, because the others are too dumb." As for the match itself, it doesn't really reflect the game. Werder came out strong in a sold-out Weserstadion, pressing Bayern back, dominating the proceedings. However, after taking the lead, they let Bayern back into the match, and spent most of the 2nd period defending. Olli Kahn has been moping after national coach Jürgen Klinsmann announced that Jens Lehmann would be the opening starter at the World Cup. To be honest, Kahn has generally looked bad in several of his outings, although this time he was stabbed in the back by his teammate Bastian Schweini, who knocked in an own goal. This seemed to finally lift Magath's troops from their lethargic state, and Werder accomodated this by taking their foot off the gas pedal. Perhaps this was a Muhammad Ali-like "Rope-a-Dope" tactic, as two late clever counterattacks finished off München.

Hamburg was able to take advantage, as they dispatched Gladbach in front of a packed house. HSV controlled the game, but really failed to press home their advantage, and it wasn't until Takahara's injury time goal that they secured the points. They may regret this lack of effort, as they could have improved their goal-difference with a good whipping. Schalke meanwhile has decided that Champions League is not for them. A lame effort at Duisburg essentially puts them out of the race for the 3rd CL spot, so they'll be settling for another UEFA Cup run next year. The Zebras are going down, but this Ruhr derby still brought in the fans for another sell-out. This was MSV's first match after firing coach Jürgen Kohler (who was only in charge for some 10 matches). They fought hard, but frankly just don't have the talent to beat someone like Schalke.

Köln took their very last chance and blasted Wolfsburg. Altough salvation still seems unlikely, they at least have a slight hope. The VWs looked totally crap, and can thank Kaiserslautern's stinker against Berlin for keeping their head above water for another week. Things continue to heat up at the bottom, but Wolfsburg's been in free-fall, despite bringing coach Klaus Augenthaler after dumping Holger Fach a few weeks ago. In K-town, the Berliners only did what was necessary against a blunt Red Devil squad. Hertha jumped out to a lead and coasted comfortably home, hardly bothered. Nevertheless, these are important points for Hertha, as it keeps their lead over the charging Aspirins of Bayer, who won in the gigantic Westfalenstadion against Dortmund. To be honest, Bayer generally looked the better team, more concise in their counterattacks, and generally well organized, Nowotny like the Rock of Gibraltar anchoring the defense. (Interestingly enough, since Nowotny has been feuding with management - he was earlier "banned forever" - after the match sportsdirector Rudi Völler announced that they would dump his contract, even though they have to pay him some 4.7 million euros.) Dortmund was able to control most of the action in the 2nd half, but their attacks were generally incompetant, and half of their shots seemed like they were trying to kill somebody in the stands rather than put it in the net. They deservedly lose.

Mainz got another valuable point, although they were clearly outplayed by Hannover. It doesn't bring them closer to safety, but it's better than a loss. Another sell-out, one wonders what they would draw in a bigger stadium. Bielefeld's win over Frankfurt should finally put to rest any possibilities of relegation - which is always Arminia's main concern. The match was relatively even, but by losing, Frankfurt is still embroiled in the struggle. Meanwhile, Nürnberg was robbed by a cheating ref, as Kiessling scored a late goal, but the ref denied it for alleged offsides. On the counterattack, Jon-Dahl Tomasson was able to score on a rebound and give Stuttgart a lucky win.

Team of the Week: Köln, Bremen - great efforts
Turd of the Weak: Wolfsburg - officially crap

 
 
Borussia Dortmund      -   Bayer Leverkusen 	1:2 (1:1) 	73,800	(Brzenska - Berbatov, Freier)
1. FC Kaiserslautern   -   Hertha BSC Berlin	0:2 (0:2) 	35,255	(Pantelic, Gilberto)
1. FC Köln 	       -   VfL Wolfsburg 	3:0 (0:0) 	43,500	(Scherz, Helmes, Sarpei o.g.) 	
VfB Stuttgart 	       -   1. FC Nürnberg 	1:0 (0:0) 	35,000	(Tomasson)
Werder Bremen 	       -   Bayern München 	3:0 (1:0)	42,500	(Schweinsteiger o.g., Jensen, Borowski)
Arminia Bielefeld      -   Eintracht Frankfurt 	1:0 (0:0) 	22,998	(Westermann)
1. FSV Mainz 05        -   Hannover 96 		0:0 (0:0) 	20,300 	
Hamburger SV 	       -   Borussia M'gladbach 	2:0 (1:0) 	57,000	(van der Vaart, Takahara)
MSV Duisburg 	       -   FC Schalke 04 	1:1 (1:0) 	31,500	(Poulsen o.g., Larsen)



 1 	Bayern München 		29 	20 	 6 	 3 	56:25 	+31 	66
 2 	Hamburger SV 		29 	19 	 5 	 5 	47:22 	+25 	62
 3 	Werder Bremen 		29 	18 	 5 	 6 	65:32 	+33 	59
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 4 	FC Schalke 04 		29 	14 	11 	 4 	40:26 	+14 	53
 5 	Hertha BSC Berlin 	29 	11 	10 	 8 	44:37 	+7 	43
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 6 	Bayer Leverkusen 	29 	11 	 8 	10 	51:43 	+8 	41
 7 	VfB Stuttgart 		29 	 8 	15 	 6 	29:27 	+2 	39
 8 	Borussia Dortmund 	29 	 9 	10 	10 	37:36 	+1 	37
 9 	Borussia M'gladbach 	29 	 9 	10 	10 	33:39 	-6 	37
10 	Arminia Bielefeld 	29 	10 	 7 	12 	29:35 	-6 	37
11 	Hannover 96 		29 	 7 	14 	 8 	35:37 	-2 	35
12 	1. FC Nürnberg 		29 	 9 	 7 	13 	36:42 	-6 	34
13 	Eintracht Frankfurt 	29 	 8 	 6 	15 	37:46 	-9 	30
14 	1. FSV Mainz 05 	29 	 7 	 8 	14 	40:45 	-5 	29
15 	VfL Wolfsburg 		29 	 6 	11 	12 	28:47 	-19 	29
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
16 	1. FC Kaiserslautern 	29 	 7 	 6 	16 	39:63 	-24 	27
17 	1. FC Köln 		29 	 5 	 8 	16 	41:60 	-19 	23
18 	MSV Duisburg 		29 	 4 	11 	14 	28:53 	-25 	23


2.Liga, round 29

Yes, that's right, 56,000 in München, and 1860 once again fails to win, by giving up a goal in injury time. It would be absolutely amazing if 1860 were to go down.

 
 
VfL Bochum 	      -   Sportfr. Siegen 	3:1 (2:0)	20,298	(Misimovic 2, Barletta - Akwuegbu) 	
Eintr. Braunschweig   -   Alemannia Aachen 	0:1 (0:1) 	20,000	(Ebbers)
Kickers Offenbach     -   Erzgebirge Aue 	2:1 (0:0) 	10,801	(Diabang, Türker - Kurth)
SC Freiburg 	      -   SC Paderborn 07 	1:0 (1:0) 	12,700	(Coulibaly)
LR Ahlen 	      -   Energie Cottbus 	0:1 (0:0) 	 5,416	(Kioyo)
Hansa Rostock 	      -   1. FC Saarbrücken 	3:0 (3:0) 	12,000	(Stein, Bülow, Kern)	
TSV 1860 München      -   Wacker Burghausen 	1:1 (0:0) 	56,100	(Hoffmann - Krejci)
Greuther Fürth 	      -   SpVgg Unterhaching 	2:0 (2:0) 	 6,100	(Eigler, Hilbert)
Dynamo Dresden 	      -   Karlsruher SC 	3:2 (2:1)	12,811	(Vorbeck, Votava, Ulich - Kaufman, Federico)



 1 	Alemannia Aachen 	29 	19 	4 	6 	56:29 	+27 	61
 2 	VfL Bochum	 	29 	17 	8 	4 	49:21 	+28 	59
 3 	Energie Cottbus 	29 	14 	8 	7 	43:29 	+14 	50
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 4 	Greuther Fürth 		29 	13 	8 	8 	46:38 	+8 	47
 5 	Karlsruher SC 		29 	13 	7 	9 	42:37 	+5 	46
 6 	SC Freiburg 		29 	13 	6 	10 	35:30 	+5 	45
 7 	Hansa Rostock 		29 	13 	4 	12 	41:38 	+3 	43
 8 	Wacker Burghausen 	29 	10 	10 	9 	35:42 	-7 	40
 9 	Erzgebirge Aue 		29 	10 	9 	10 	32:33 	-1 	39
10 	SC Paderborn 07 	29 	10 	7 	12 	37:30 	+7 	37
11 	SpVgg Unterhaching 	29 	11 	4 	14 	39:40 	-1 	37
12 	Eintracht Braunschweig 	29 	11 	4 	14 	32:37 	-5 	37
13 	TSV 1860 München 	29 	9 	9 	11 	37:37 	 0 	36
14 	Kickers Offenbach 	29 	9 	6 	14 	31:50 	-19 	33
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
15 	1. FC Saarbrücken 	29 	9 	5 	15 	34:56 	-22 	32
16 	Dynamo Dresden 		29 	8 	6 	15 	30:42 	-12 	30
17 	LR Ahlen	 	29 	7 	7 	15 	31:44 	-13 	28
18 	Sportfreunde Siegen 	29 	6 	6 	17 	29:46 	-17 	24



April 2, 2006

Bundesliga, round 28

The top clash of the week was in Gelsenkirchen, were a packed house saw Schalke's first home defeat of the season to Hamburg. Schalke started out the better side, pressing HSV back, but then Rafinha had a brain-fart as he slapped some HSV player in the face, right in front of the ref. He got his ass tossed, and Schalke was no longer the superior side. Nevertheless, they kept on pressing. Unfortunately, a curling van der Vaart freekick was missed by everyone, although it might have glanced off Krstajic's head, and it was in the net. About 10 minutes from time, ex-Schalker Ailton gave the coup de grace with a nice through pass from Lauth, and the fat-boy showed he can still do it, with a nice finish past the outrushing Rost. This win almost puts Hamburg through to the Champions League.

Bremen took advantage of Schalke's slip with a close Klose finish. The Bundesliga's leading scorer got his 20th on a penalty that bounced off the post into the net. Nevertheless, it was a deserved 3 points, as Bremen controlled most of the match against their hosts Frankfurt, who are back in relegation worries.

Köln pulled off a mini-surprise and upset the sold-out AllianzArena crowd, who undoubtedly expected a Bayern rout. Instead, the tail-enders showed no respect to the leaders, and aggressively attacked and fought for every ball. They twice took the lead, and defended well in later stages as Bayern struggled to gain the upper hand. A fully deserved point, although it's too late to avoid the drop. For Bayern, the main concern is probably that keeper Olli Kahn had to be pulled at half-time with sore ribs.

In a key relegation battle, Wolfsburg could only draw against Duisburg, and in the end, should be happy they even got that. Despite controlling the game, the VWs were unable to make any headway against the determined Zebras. Then Argie forward Diego Klimowicz got his ass red-carded, and suddenly MSV realized that they had a chance. They took the lead, and seemed to be heading home with all the points. In fact, Ahanfouf and Lavric wasted chances to finish off the match. And of course, they were duly punished, as in injury time as late-sub Steve Marlet used his heel to salvage a point.

Nürnberg played well and blasted Mainz 3-0. This was the 4th home win in a row, the first time this has happened in 17 years. Der Club came out with furious attacks from the start, and quickly took the lead. Mainz made some defensive adjustments to slow things down, but FCN continued to control the match. The guests showed more initiative after the half, but der Club used the more open game to add to their lead, before Vittek notched another near the end to administer the coup de grace. This win almost ensures Bundesliga status for another season, as FCN is now essentially 8 points above the drop zone.

Also helping themselves out was Bielefeld, which won at Hannover. After getting slapped silly last week at Bremen, the 96ers gave a crap performance to their home fans, and Arminia jumped on an early lead and held the rest of the way for the valuable points.

Kaiserslautern a severe reverse to their campaign, as they were blasted 1-5 at Leverkusen. The tiny BayerArena was full, and the hosts jumped out quickly against the Red Devils. A solid defense easily blunted FCK's attempts to get back in the game, and when they opened up in the 2nd half, Leverkusen pounced and finished them off. Kaiserslautern limped out, obviously needing a generous dose of their host's products, especially aspirin and alka-seltzer. Although they're only a point behind Mainz and two behind equally crap Wolfsburg, their crap goal-difference essentially acts as another point deficit.

Gladbach put in a good effort in front of another sellout crowd, and Nando Rafael's first two goals helped sink Dortmund. Hertha also continued their minor improvement, as Marcelinho finally showed his skills. Stuttgart was totally lame and when they fell behind, they had nothing left in the tank. They should probably be familiarizing themselves with the ins and outs of the "Inter-Toto" Cup (also known as "UI"), because that's the only way they look to play in European competition next season.

Team of the Week: Hamburg, first team to win at the Veltins
Turd of the Weak: Stuttgart or Hannover

 
 
Bayern München 	     - 	 1. FC Köln 		2:2 (2:2) 	69,000	(Sagnol, Makaay - Feulner, Streit)
VfL Wolfsburg 	     - 	 MSV Duisburg 		1:1 (0:0) 	18,129	(Marlet - van Houdt)
Borussia M'gladbach  - 	 Borussia Dortmund 	2:1 (2:1) 	54,019	(Rafael 2 - Rosicky)
Bayer Leverkusen     - 	 1. FC Kaiserslautern 	5:1 (2:0) 	22,500	(Berbatov 3, Barnetta, Fritz - Pletsch)
Eintracht Frankfurt  - 	 Werder Bremen 		0:1 (0:0)	48,600	(Klose)
Hertha BSC Berlin    - 	 VfB Stuttgart 		2:0 (0:0) 	51,436	(Marcelinho)	
1. FC Nürnberg 	     - 	 1. FSV Mainz 05 	3:0 (1:0)	44,691	(Saenko, Kiessling, Vittek) 	
FC Schalke 04 	     - 	 Hamburger SV 		0:2 (0:0) 	61,524	(van der Vaart, Ailton)
Hannover 96 	     -   Arminia Bielefeld 	0:1 (0:1) 	34,361	(Vata)


 1 	Bayern München 		28 	20 	6 	2 	56:22 	+34 	66
 2 	Hamburger SV 		28 	18 	5 	5 	45:22 	+23 	59
 3 	Werder Bremen 		28 	17 	5 	6 	62:32 	+30 	56
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 4 	FC Schalke 04 		28 	14 	10 	4 	39:25 	+14 	52
 5 	Hertha BSC Berlin 	28 	10 	10 	8 	42:37 	+5 	40
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 6 	Bayer Leverkusen 	28 	10 	8 	10 	49:42 	+7 	38
 7 	Borussia Dortmund 	28 	9 	10 	9 	36:34 	+2 	37
 8 	Borussia M'gladbach 	28 	9 	10 	9 	33:37 	-4 	37
 9 	VfB Stuttgart 		28 	7 	15 	6 	28:27 	+1 	36
10 	Hannover 96 		28 	7 	13 	8 	35:37 	-2 	34
11 	1. FC Nürnberg 		28 	9 	7 	12 	36:41 	-5 	34
12 	Arminia Bielefeld 	28 	9 	7 	12 	28:35 	-7 	34
13 	Eintracht Frankfurt 	28 	8 	6 	14 	37:45 	-8 	30
14 	VfL Wolfsburg 		28 	6 	11 	11 	28:44 	-16 	29
15 	1. FSV Mainz 05 	28 	7 	7 	14 	40:45 	-5 	28
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
16 	1. FC Kaiserslautern 	28 	7 	6 	15 	39:61 	-22 	27
17 	MSV Duisburg 		28 	4 	10 	14 	27:52 	-25 	22
18 	1. FC Köln 		28 	4 	8 	16 	38:60 	-22 	20
 

2.Liga, round 28

Aachen was last in the Bundesliga in 1970, and the team that went down with them at the time was 1860. Whereas 1860 has tasted the top a several occasions since, Aachen has remained in obscurity. But their win now has pretty much assured a return to top flight, and they overtake Bochum as the leaders. Cottbus, Karlsruhe and perhaps Fürth look to fight it out till the bitter end for the coveted 3rd spot. However, Cottbus had a huge win over Freiburg, which just about eliminated the Breisgauer from contention. The other big loser this week was Dresden, which not only is half under water due to the river Elbe overflowing, but were beaten in an eastern derby by Aue and should be considered on life support.

 

SC Paderborn 07     - 	VfL Bochum 		1:3 (1:0) 	 9,322	(Dragusa - Misimovic 2, Zdebel) 	
Energie Cottbus     - 	SC Freiburg 		2:1 (2:0) 	 9,800	(Radu, Ziebig - Aogo)
Karlsruher SC 	    - 	Greuther Fürth 		2:1 (1:1) 	20,100	(Carnell, Kaufmann - Timm)
SpVgg Unterhaching  - 	Hansa Rostock 		0:1 (0:1) 	 3,750	(Kern)
1. FC Saarbrücken   - 	LR Ahlen 		1:0 (0:0) 	 8,500	(Demai)
Sportfr. Siegen     - 	Eintr. Braunschweig 	4:1 (3:0) 	 6,511	(Cafu 2, Memeth, Nauroth - Blick)	
Wacker Burghausen   - 	Kickers Offenbach 	0:2 (0:2)	 4,150	(Türker, Diabang)
Erzgebirge Aue 	    - 	Dynamo Dresden	 	2:0 (2:0) 	17,000	(Emmerich, Hampf) 	
Alemannia Aachen    - 	TSV 1860 München 	1:0 (1:0)	20,000	(Ebbers)


 1 	Alemannia Aachen 	28 	18 	4 	6 	55:29 	+26 	58
 2 	VfL Bochum 		28 	16 	8 	4 	46:20 	+26 	56
 3 	Energie Cottbus 	28 	13 	8 	7 	42:29 	+13 	47
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 4 	Karlsruher SC 		28 	13 	7 	8 	40:34 	+6 	46
 5 	Greuther Fürth 		28 	12 	8 	8 	44:38 	+6 	44
 6 	SC Freiburg 		28 	12 	6 	10 	34:30 	+4 	42
 7 	Hansa Rostock 		28 	12 	4 	12 	38:38 	0 	40
 8 	Erzgebirge Aue 		28 	10 	9 	9 	31:31 	0 	39
 9 	Wacker Burghausen 	28 	10 	9 	9 	34:41 	-7 	39
10 	SC Paderborn 07 	28 	10 	7 	11 	37:29 	+8 	37
11 	SpVgg Unterhaching 	28 	11 	4 	13 	39:38 	+1 	37
12 	Eintr. Braunschweig 	28 	11 	4 	13 	32:36 	-4 	37
13 	TSV 1860 München 	28 	9 	8 	11 	36:36 	 0 	35
14 	1. FC Saarbrücken 	28 	9 	5 	14 	34:53 	-19 	32
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
15 	Kickers Offenbach 	28 	8 	6 	14 	29:49 	-20 	30
16 	LR Ahlen 		28 	7 	7 	14 	31:43 	-12 	28
17 	Dynamo Dresden 		28 	7 	6 	15 	27:40 	-13 	27
18 	Sportfr. Siegen 	28 	6 	6 	16 	28:43 	-15 	24



March 26, 2006

Bundesliga, round 27

This weekend was pretty much a ho-hum set of matches, as the championship was basically decided last week. Nevertheless, Bayern needed a strong 2nd half to avoid an upset at Duisburg, where the Zebras had the lead at half-time. In fact, Oliver Kahn's backup, young Michael Rensing, had an outstanding game to keep Bayern from giving up more against a determined, if somewhat hapless, MSV squad. So the sellout crowd got one more entertaining match before going back to the 2.Liga hum-drum. Meanwhile, another sellout crowd in Hamburg watched in horror as HSV went down in flames against a surprising Dortmund, who came away with a deserved 3 points. The key of the match was probably when Ailton scored his first for HSV, as the stadium announcer was still yapping, Smolarek chested down to Rosicky, who blasted into the upper corner to level. From that point on Dortmund dominated the match and finished off the Hamburgers. In a rather lame performance, Schalke was unable to recover from last week's embarassing effort at Bayern. Although they managed to take the lead twice against relegation threatened Wolfsburg, the VWs came back and almost won the match at the end, gaining a point. Meanwhile, Bremen finally got back on track with a sensational thrashing of a solid Hannover squad. In reality, Bremen was a bit shaky, and the 96ers actually controlled the match for most of the first half. In fact, only some great saves by Tim Wiese and some sloppy finishing by the guests prevented Werder from falling behind. But once Bremen took the lead, Hannover fell apart like Birmingham City in the FA Cup against Liverpool...

At the bottom, Kaiserslautern was impressive as they thumped Gladbach to regain contact with a safe spot. Despite their crap season, forward Halil Altintop (whose twin plays for Schalke) has been a bright spot, with 16 league goals, second only to Bremen's Miroslav Klose (an ex-Lauter) with an excellent 19 strikes. (Note that in Germany they only really count league goals, no cup, European play etc.) Mainz dominated the match against Berlin in their tiny, but always packed stadium. However they wasted too many chances and had to settle for a point. The real winner is Hertha's Serbian striker Ante Pantelic, who has been the key figure in the last few weeks of Hertha's revival. Previously he couldn't hit the side of a barn, now head coach Falko Götz should kiss his ass for saving his job. Bielefeld and Nürnberg had a hard fought goal-less draw. Arminia had the best chance to win, as Wichniarek hit the inside of the post, but overall it was a fair result. Köln remains hopeless at the bottom. Despite an early goal, they could win against Frankfurt, who wasted so many chances they should probably complain about only getting a point. The ref certainly didn't help the "Goats", as he perhaps unfairly tossed Köln's forward Imre Szabic's ass out for a hard tackle just before half. Stuttgart ran aroud like a chicken with it's head cut off. Lack of purpose and offensive ideas certainly contributed to the defeat at home to Leverkusen.

Team of the Week: Hard to pick: Borussia Dortmund or Kaiserslautern
Turd of the Weak: Gladbach, what a lame performance

 

VfB Stuttgart 	      -  Bayer Leverkusen 	0:2 (0:1)	32,000	(Freier, Berbatov)
Hamburger SV 	      -  Borussia Dortmund 	2:4 (1:1)	56,000	(Lauth, Ailton - Smolarek, Kringe, Rosicky 2)
1. FSV Mainz 05       -  Hertha BSC 		2:2 (0:1)	20,300	(Thurk, Casey - Pantelic 2)
FC Schalke 04 	      -  VfL Wolfsburg 		2:2 (1:1)	60,567	(Kuranyi, Lincoln - Hoogendorp, Lamprecht)
MSV Duisburg 	      -  Bayern Muenchen 	1:3 (1:0)	31,500	(Ahanfouf - Salihamidzic, Makaay, Pizarro)
1. FC Köln 	      -  Eintracht Frankfurt 	1:1 (1:1)	48,000	(Springer - Rehmer)
Werder Bremen 	      -  Hannover 96	 	5:0 (2:0)	41,646	(Valdez 3, Klose, Micoud)
1. FC Kaiserslautern  -  Borussia M'gladbach 	3:0 (2:0)	35,861	(Altintop 2, Skela)
Arminia Bielefeld     -  1. FC Nuernberg 	0:0 (0:0)	19,717



 1 	Bayern München 		27 	20 	5 	2 	54:20 	+34 	65
 2 	Hamburger SV 		27 	17 	5 	5 	43:22 	+21 	56
 3 	Werder Bremen 		27 	16 	5 	6 	61:32 	+29 	53
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 4 	FC Schalke 04 		27 	14 	10 	3 	39:23 	+16 	52
 5 	Hertha BSC Berlin 	27 	9 	10 	8 	40:37 	+3 	37
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 6 	Borussia Dortmund 	27 	9 	10 	8 	35:32 	+3 	37
 7 	VfB Stuttgart 		27 	7 	15 	5 	28:25 	+3 	36
 8 	Bayer Leverkusen 	27 	9 	8 	10 	44:41 	+3 	35
 9 	Hannover 96	 	27 	7 	13 	7 	35:36 	-1 	34
10 	Borussia M'gladbach 	27 	8 	10 	9 	31:36 	-5 	34
11 	1. FC Nürnberg 		27 	8 	7 	12 	33:41 	-8 	31
12 	Arminia Bielefeld 	27 	8 	7 	12 	27:35 	-8 	31
13 	Eintracht Frankfurt 	27 	8 	6 	13 	37:44 	-7 	30
14 	1. FSV Mainz 05 	27 	7 	7 	13 	40:42 	-2 	28
15 	VfL Wolfsburg 		27 	6 	10 	11 	27:43 	-16 	28
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
16 	1. FC Kaiserslautern 	27 	7 	6 	14 	38:56 	-18 	27
17 	MSV Duisburg 		27 	4 	9 	14 	26:51 	-25 	21
18 	1. FC Köln 		27 	4 	7 	16 	36:58 	-22 	19


2.Liga, Round 27

 

Eintr. Braunschweig  - 	 SC Paderborn 07 	2:0 (2:0)	15,000	(Bollmann, Kuru)
Kickers Offenbach    - 	 Alemannia Aachen 	2:4 (0:0) 	 9,273	(Diabang, Sieger - Ebbers 4)
Dynamo Dresden 	     - 	 Wacker Burghausen 	1:2 (1:2) 	13,812	(Kennedy - Kneissel, Vukovic)
TSV 1860 München     - 	 Sportfr. Siegen 	3:0 (1:0) 	25,000	(Agostino 2, Shao)
Energie Cottbus      - 	 1. FC Saarbrücken 	0:1 (0:1) 	 8,550	(Jäger)
LR Ahlen 	     - 	 SpVgg Unterhaching 	1:0 (0:0) 	 3,000	(Book)
Hansa Rostock 	     - 	 Karlsruher SC 		2:0 (0:0) 	 7,000	(Kern 2) 	
Greuther Fürth 	     - 	 Erzgebirge Aue 	1:3 (0:3) 	 8,600	(Eigler - Lenze, Siradze 2)
SC Freiburg 	     - 	 VfL Bochum 		0:0 (0:0)	14,000



 1 	VfL Bochum	 	27 	15 	8 	4 	43:19 	+24 	53
 2 	Alemannia Aachen 	26 	16 	4 	6 	49:27 	+22 	52
 3 	Energie Cottbus 	27 	12 	8 	7 	40:28 	+12 	44
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 4 	Greuther Fürth 		27 	12 	8 	7 	43:36 	+7 	44
 5 	Karlsruher SC 		27 	12 	7 	8 	38:33 	+5 	43
 6 	SC Freiburg 		27 	12 	6 	9 	33:28 	+5 	42
 7 	SC Paderborn 07 	27 	10 	7 	10 	36:26 	+10 	37
 8 	SpVgg Unterhaching 	27 	11 	4 	12 	39:37 	+2 	37
 9 	Hansa Rostock 		26 	11 	4 	11 	36:34 	+2 	37
10 	Erzgebirge Aue	 	27 	9 	9 	9 	29:31 	-2 	36
11 	Wacker Burghausen 	26 	9 	9 	8 	33:39 	-6 	36
12 	TSV 1860 München 	26 	9 	8 	9 	36:34 	+2 	35
13 	Eintr. Braunschweig 	26 	10 	4 	12 	27:31 	-4 	34
14 	1. FC Saarbrücken 	26 	8 	5 	13 	31:48 	-17 	29
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
15 	Dynamo Dresden 		26 	7 	5 	14 	27:38 	-11 	26
16 	Kickers Offenbach 	26 	7 	5 	14 	27:49 	-22 	26
17 	LR Ahlen 		26 	6 	7 	13 	28:42 	-14 	25
18 	Sportfr. Siegen 	26 	5 	6 	15 	24:39 	-15 	21


Another Loddar joke

OK, we admit. It's rather cheap thrills, but we would be journalistically irresponsible if we didn't at least follow up the Lothar Matthäus story, to give it some closure. So we give you the following joke, dug up by our friend Fabio Danilo Werlang, making the rounds of southern Brazil:

"Sexual tourism has risen in Brazil. The last case was a German trainer, who came to Brazil, f#*$ed Atlético Paranaense and left!".


March 19, 2006

Bundesliga, round 26

A semi-decisive weekend, as both Schalke and Bremen essentially fall out of the race. In a rather drab and disappointing match, Bayern slapped Schalke silly with a decent 2nd half effort. however, the visitors looked tired and listless, so Bayern, despite some flabby play themselves, pretty much knocks Schalke from any hopes of the title. Meanwhile, Robert Vittek Fußballgott scored another two goals in Nürnberg's critical win over falling Bremen. This certainly helps der Club in their relegation struggle. Hamburg remains the only club with a chance to catch Bayern. In a northern derby with Wolfsburg, the Hanseaten cleverly defended their early lead, and the VWs never really looked like coming back. Interesting battles in the relegation zone, where aside from Nürnberg's obvious win, the big gainer seems to have been Mainz. They managed to win at the Plop-Plop-Fizz-Fizz-Oh-what-a-Relief-it-is stadium against one of the more inconsistent clubs, Bayer Aspirin. In reality, the Alka-Seltzers looked crap, so Mainz' win was totally deserved. Köln continues to sink into the sunset, and Duisbrug was overrun in Frankfurt, although they managed to come back in wild first half. Also, Dortmund stopped their recent run of lame results and dumped Kaiserlslautern, leaving the Reds in grave condition. Borussia dominated the match, but their crap finishing almost allowed the guests to escape with a point. In the ho-hom, who cares? dept were Gladbach's draw with Stuttgart and Hertha's win over Bielefeld. Attendance in the Bundesliga continues to maintain it's high levels, as once again the average was over 40,000+.

Team of the Week: Frankfurt
Turd of the Weak: Schalke

 

Hannover 96 	     -   1. FC Köln 		1:0 (1:0) 	37,214	(Hashemian) 	
Eintracht Frankfurt  - 	 MSV Duisburg 		5:2 (3:2) 	32,000	(Amanatidis 3, Köhler, Copado - Bodzek, Lavric)
VfL Wolfsburg 	     - 	 Hamburger SV 		0:1 (0:1) 	28,095	(Lauth)
Borussia Dortmund    - 	 1. FC Kaiserslautern 	2:1 (1:1) 	70,100	(Dede, Kringe - Skela)
1. FC Nürnberg 	     - 	 Werder Bremen 		3:1 (2:0) 	40,924	(Vittek 2, Schroth - Klose)
Borussia M'gladbach  - 	 VfB Stuttgart 		1:1 (0:0) 	45,552	(Fukal - Cacau)
Bayer Leverkusen     - 	 1. FSV Mainz 05 	1:2 (0:1) 	21,000	(Freier, Zidan 2)
Bayern München 	     - 	 FC Schalke 04 		3:0 (0:0) 	69,000	(Salihamidzic, Pizarro, Makaay)
Hertha BSC Berlin    - 	 Arminia Bielefeld 	1:0 (0:0) 	32,656	(Pantelic)


 1 	Bayern München 		26 	19 	5 	2 	51:19 	+32 	62
 2 	Hamburger SV 		26 	17 	5 	4 	41:18 	+23 	56
 3 	FC Schalke 04 		26 	14 	9 	3 	37:21 	+16 	51
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 4 	Werder Bremen 		26 	15 	5 	6 	56:32 	+24 	50
 5 	VfB Stuttgart 		26 	7 	15 	4 	28:23 	+5 	36
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 6 	Hertha BSC Berlin 	26 	9 	9 	8 	38:35 	+3 	36
 7 	Hannover 96 		26 	7 	13 	6 	35:31 	+4 	34
 8 	Borussia Dortmund 	26 	8 	10 	8 	31:30 	+1 	34
 9 	Borussia M'gladbach 	26 	8 	10 	8 	31:33 	-2 	34
10 	Bayer Leverkusen 	26 	8 	8 	10 	42:41 	+1 	32
11 	1. FC Nürnberg 		26 	8 	6 	12 	33:41 	-8 	30
12 	Arminia Bielefeld 	26 	8 	6 	12 	27:35 	-8 	30
13 	Eintracht Frankfurt 	26 	8 	5 	13 	36:43 	-7 	29
14 	1. FSV Mainz 05 	26 	7 	6 	13 	38:40 	-2 	27
15 	VfL Wolfsburg 		26 	6 	9 	11 	25:41 	-16 	27
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
16 	1. FC Kaiserslautern 	26 	6 	6 	14 	35:56 	-21 	24
17 	MSV Duisburg 		26 	4 	9 	13 	25:48 	-23 	21
18 	1. FC Köln 		26 	4 	6 	16 	35:57 	-22 	18

2.Liga, round 26

Solid wins for Bochum and Aachen (in front of a sellout crowd move both clubs closer to the Bundesliga. For the latter, this would be a return after some 38 years. A fierce battle continues to rage for teh last promotion spot, and the relegation spaces are still up for grabs as well. New coach Walter Schachner finally got to celebrate his first victory with 1860.

 

Wacker Burghausen 	- 	Greuther Fürth 		2:2 (1:1) 	 3,900
Sportfr. Siegen 	- 	Kickers Offenbach 	1:1 (1:0) 	10,054
Alemannia Aachen 	- 	Dynamo Dresden 		2:0 (0:0) 	20,143
Karlsruher SC	 	- 	LR Ahlen 		3:1 (1:0) 	13,000
SpVgg Unterhaching 	- 	Energie Cottbus 	0:2 (0:1) 	 5,000
1. FC Saarbrücken 	- 	SC Freiburg 		2:1 (1:0) 	 8,800
VfL Bochum 		- 	Eintr. Braunschweig 	4:0 (2:0) 	20,189
SC Paderborn 07 	- 	1860 München 		0:1 (0:1) 	 8,147
Erzgebirge Aue 		- 	Hansa Rostock 		2:1 (0:1)	11,200

makeup games from last week:

SpVgg Unterhaching 	- 	SC Freiburg 		1:0 (0:0)	 3,000
Karlsruher SC 		- 	1. FC Saarbrücken 	2:1 (2:0)	13,300



 1 	VfL Bochum 		26 	15 	7 	4 	43:19 	24 	52
 2 	Alemannia Aachen 	25 	15 	4 	6 	45:25 	20 	49
 3 	Energie Cottbus 	26 	12 	8 	6 	40:27 	13 	44
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 4 	Karlsruher SC 		26 	12 	7 	7 	38:31 	7 	43
 5 	Greuther Fürth 		25 	11 	8 	6 	39:32 	7 	41
 6 	SC Freiburg 		26 	12 	5 	9 	33:28 	5 	41
 7 	SC Paderborn 07 	26 	10 	7 	9 	36:24 	12 	37
 8 	SpVgg Unterhaching 	26 	11 	4 	11 	39:36 	3 	37
 9 	Hansa Rostock 		25 	10 	4 	11 	34:34 	 0 	34
10 	Erzgebirge Aue 		26 	8 	9 	9 	26:30 	-4 	33
11 	Wacker Burghausen 	25 	8 	9 	8 	31:38 	-7 	33
12 	TSV 1860 München 	25 	8 	8 	9 	33:34 	-1 	32
13 	Eintr. Braunschweig 	25 	9 	4 	12 	25:31 	-6 	31
14 	Dynamo Dresden 		25 	7 	5 	13 	26:36 	-10 	26
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
15 	1. FC Saarbrücken 	25 	7 	5 	13 	30:48 	-18 	26
16 	Kickers Offenbach 	25 	7 	5 	13 	25:45 	-20 	26
17 	LR Ahlen 		25 	5 	7 	13 	27:42 	-15 	22
18 	Sportfr. Siegen 	24 	5 	6 	13 	23:33 	-10 	21



March 17, 2006

More Loddar news...

Well, Abseits can now reveal more details on the Lothar Matthäus saga. First, Loddar has returned from Brazil...permanently! He stated in an interview with Germany's top intellectual journal Bild-Zeitung that he had returned to Budapest "for love". He wanted to be together with his wife Marijanna.

Of course, everybody back in Curitiba has been wondering why he left the club for Europe in the first place. He claimed that it had nothing to do with his 30 day suspension for insulting a referee (apparently this ban had been lifted) and in any case "I've left Atletico in great shape, we'd just won 6 in a row." Rival fans from Parana Clube are said to be disappointed, as they were planning some special cheers for Loddar so he could feel right at home. Meanwhile, here's another picture of his would be Brazilian "wife", Delisieé Teixeira

And of course our roving reporter in southern Brazil, Fabio Danilo Werlang (pronounced "Schuhmacher") was able to dig up photographic evidence on why Loddar got suspended in the first place:

Lothar is merely saying that the ref is one of the best he's ever seen and that he wishes him and his mother good fortune...


March 12, 2006

Bundesliga, round 25

Bayern still obviously had a hangover from their midweek 1-4 thumping at the hands of AC Milan in the Chanpions League. So they looked completely lame against a Wolfsburg club that was only interested in holding a point, so a rather boring 0-0 draw was the logical result. The VW-stadium was sold out, but the fans certainly weren't treated to much of a spectacle. In a shocking surprise, Bremen got taken to the cleaners at home to a crap Hertha squad, which likely saved embattled head coach Falko Götz' job for another week. Whether that pleases Berlin fans is unlikely, but they are sure to be happy over the win, their first in about 10 matches. Bremen on the other hand looked total crap and completely fell apart. Both Schalke and Hamburg took advantage of the Bremen slip to vault over and into a Champions League spot. Hamburg in fact has cut Bayern's lead to only 6 points. In yet another sell-out in the Gelsenkirchen Arena Auf Schalke, the Blues dominated their match against a defensively oriented Frankfurt, although it took a while to break through. HSV had a similar experience against Kaiserslautern, taking about an hour to finally break their guests down.

At the bottom of the table there were also some dramatic results. Nürnberg's Slovakian forward Robert Vittek is quickly advancing to the status of Fußballgott, as his second hattrick in a row in a key relegation battle deliver the points for der Klub. In a wild battle, Vittek struck quickly with two penalties and a nice strike to put FCN up 0-3 after only 20 minutes. With the vistors leading 4-1 under an hour, the points were all wrapped up. But Köln stormed back with two goals in a minute, and the fierce struggle continued. In the end, Nürnberg was somewhat fortunate to grab all the points, and Köln is left with nothing and little hope at the bottom. In their perenially packed tiny stadium, Mainz got a fine performance and thumped Gladbach, putting the hurt on the UEFA hopeful. The hosts had seen poor results dump them further into the relegation zone, so the points are a welcome addition. Bielefeld rode a quick goal to victory, which gives them some breathing room from the drop zone, and stopped Leverkusen's mini-revival. Radomir Dalovic got his first start of the season (he had sucked as a sub in some previous 10 appearances), but headed home the golden goal after only 5 minutes, head coach Thomas Van Heesen must have known something. An undermanned Duisburg squad fought hard for every ball, and earned a deserved point against Hannover. However neither team showed much offensive competance, so no surprise that goals were Fehlanzeige. With both Nürnberg and Mainz winning though, the Zebras can't be too happy. The remaining match was Stuttgart and Dortmund in yet another goalless affair. Both teams made lots of mistakes and therefore had several chances to score, but they couldn't hit the side of a barn today, and eventually both settle for a point.

Team of the Week: Nürnberg, Hertha
Turd of the Weak: Bremen

 

Arminia Bielefeld  -  Bayer Leverkusen 	 	1:0 (1:0) 	18,317	(Dalovic)
1. FSV Mainz 05    -  Borussia M'gladbach 	3:0 (0:0) 	20,300  (Thurk 2, Zidan)	
VfB Stuttgart 	   -  Borussia Dortmund 	0:0 (0:0) 	45,000
Werder Bremen 	   -  Hertha BSC Berlin		0:3 (0:0) 	37,728	(Boateng, Marcelinho, Bastürk)
1. FC Köln 	   -  1. FC Nürnberg 	 	3:4 (1:3) 	47,500	(Zivkovic, Matip, Podolski - Vittek 3, Saenko)
VfL Wolfsburg 	   -  Bayern München 	 	0:0 (0:0) 	30,000 
MSV Duisburg 	   -  Hannover 96 		0:0 (0:0) 	20,000	
FC Schalke 04 	   -  Eintracht Frankfurt 	2:0 (0:0) 	61,524 	(Larsen, Sand)
Hamburger SV 	   -  1. FC Kaiserslautern	3:0 (0:0) 	44,460 	(Lauth, Schönheim o.g., van der Vaart)



 1 	Bayern München 		25 	18 	5 	2 	48:19 	29 	59
 2 	Hamburger SV 		25 	16 	5 	4 	40:18 	22 	53
 3 	FC Schalke 04 		25 	14 	9 	2 	37:18 	19 	51
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 4 	Werder Bremen 		25 	15 	5 	5 	55:29 	26 	50
 5 	VfB Stuttgart 		25 	7 	14 	4 	27:22 	5 	35
 6 	Hertha BSC Berlin	25 	8 	9 	8 	37:35 	2 	33
 7 	Borussia M'gladbach 	25 	8 	9 	8 	30:32 	-2 	33
 8 	Bayer Leverkusen 	25 	8 	8 	9 	41:39 	2 	32
 9 	Hannover 96 		25 	6 	13 	6 	34:31 	3 	31
10 	Borussia Dortmund 	25 	7 	10 	8 	29:29 	0 	31
11 	Arminia Bielefeld 	25 	8 	6 	11 	27:34 	-7 	30
12 	1. FC Nürnberg 		25 	7 	6 	12 	30:40 	-10 	27
13 	VfL Wolfsburg 		25 	6 	9 	10 	25:40 	-15 	27
14 	Eintracht Frankfurt 	25 	7 	5 	13 	31:41 	-10 	26
15 	1. FSV Mainz 05 	25 	6 	6 	13 	36:39 	-3 	24
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
16 	1. FC Kaiserslautern 	25 	6 	6 	13 	34:54 	-20 	24
17 	MSV Duisburg 		25 	4 	9 	12 	23:43 	-20 	21
18 	1. FC Köln	 	25 	4 	6 	15 	35:56 	-21 	18

2.Liga - round 25

 

Kickers Offenbach  -  SC Paderborn 07 		1:1 (0:0)	 7,531
1. FC Saarbrücken  -  SpVgg Unterhaching	5:3 (3:1)	 4,700
LR Ahlen 	   -  Erzgebirge Aue 		3:1 (1:1)	 3,279
Dynamo Dresden 	   -  Sportfr. Siegen 		1:0 (1:0)	10,711
SC Freiburg 	   -  Eintr. Braunschweig 	1:0 (1:0)	12,000
Hansa Rostock 	   -  Wacker Burghausen 	1:0 (1:0)	10,000
Energie Cottbus    -  Karlsruher SC 		0:0 (0:0)	 8,740
TSV 1860 München   -  VfL Bochum 		0:1 (0:0)	27,600 		
Greuther Fürth 	   -  Alemannia Aachen 		-:- 	



 1 	VfL Bochum 		25 	14 	7 	4 	39:19 	+20 	49
 2 	Alemannia Aachen 	23 	14 	3 	6 	43:25 	+18 	45
 3 	Energie Cottbus 	25 	11 	8 	6 	38:27 	+11 	41
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 4 	SC Freiburg 		24 	12 	5 	7 	32:25 	+7 	41
 5 	Greuther Fürth 		23 	11 	6 	6 	37:30 	+7 	39
 6 	SC Paderborn 07 	25 	10 	7 	8 	36:23 	+13 	37
 7 	Karlsruher SC 		24 	10 	7 	7 	33:29 	+4 	37
 8 	SpVgg Unterhaching 	24 	10 	4 	10 	38:34 	+4 	34
 9 	Hansa Rostock 		24 	10 	4 	10 	33:32 	+1 	34
10 	Wacker Burghausen 	24 	8 	8 	8 	29:36 	-7 	32
11 	Eintr. Braunschweig 	24 	9 	4 	11 	25:27 	-2 	31
12 	Erzgebirge Aue 		25 	7 	9 	9 	24:29 	-5 	30
13 	TSV 1860 München 	24 	7 	8 	9 	32:34 	-2 	29
14 	Dynamo Dresden	 	24 	7 	5 	12 	26:34 	-8 	26
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
15 	Kickers Offenbach 	24 	7 	4 	13 	24:44 	-20 	25
16 	1. FC Saarbrücken 	23 	6 	5 	12 	27:45 	-18 	23
17 	LR Ahlen 		24 	5 	7 	12 	26:39 	-13 	22
18 	Sportfr. Siegen 	23 	5 	5 	13 	22:32 	-10 	20


Regionalliga Wrap

The main story this time in the 3rd division is that most of the matches seem to be canceled due to snow covered pitches. Whereas underground heating and more modern facilities and resources make a Bundesliga cancellation a rare occurence, at times the 3rd division clubs just have to grin and bear it. In the 19 team North division, it looks like Rot-Weiss Essen is sailing through, and should be back into the 2.Liga. Holstein Kiel holds the coveted 2nd spot, although everybody's favorite Kult club St.Pauli, are hot on their heals, with VfB Lübeck and Carl Zeiss Jena only a couple of points back. In the South, FC Augsburg looks solid as the leader, with a 6 point lead and fewer matches. TuS Koblenz has the 2nd spot, with Hoffenheim chasing them. Ex-Bundesligist Darmstadt could get within striking distance by winning their makeup match.


March 10, 2006

LO!!!!!!!!!!DAR!!!!!!!! LO!!!!!!!!!!!DAR!!!!!!!!

As Abseits continues in it's efforts to dominate the world with German soccer news, we bring some interesting info from our roving correspondent in southern Brazil, Fabio Danilo Werlang. He reports on the latest news of everybodies favorite Lothar "Loddar" Matthäus, who is currently the head coach for Atlético Paranaense of Curitiba. Fabio writes:

" Loddar has already gotten involved in a confusion here. As you might know, he is married. But he's living alone in Brazil.

A German photographer took a picture of Loddar along with a well-known female tv-reporter Delisieé Teixeira and then published the photo in a German newspaper saying that the tv-reporter was his wife. Loddar's real wife saw the picture and got mad. Then Loddar thought that the photografer was a Brazilian photographer named Jader da Rocha and started to insult him. Jader got pissed and punched Loddar in the nose and floored him! The funny thing is that Jader da Rocha is much smaller than Loddar. The press, which is mainly pro-Atlético (Loddar's team) almost said nothing about the episode, but everybody knows... Just yesterday Loddar was punished by the soccer court with a 30 day ban because he insulted the referees..."

Actually, it wasn't totally Loddar's fault, as da Rocha did publish a picture with the wrong caption in the Brazilian magazine Placar. Fabio was able to dig up the evidence:

The caption reads: "Marijianna and Matthäus, they'll only live together after the World Cup"

Apparently Delisieé was just showing Loddar around town. Well, I suppose it was worth getting punched in the nose for...

In somewhat related news, it is rumoured that for the upcoming Curitiba city derby between Atlético and Parana Clube, some of the latter fans might try and wind up Loddar to new heights, perhaps with a few well-placed "Klinsmann" chants...

Well, since we're on the subject, here's some Loddar jokes that have been making the rounds:

Neue Freundin für Loddar? Lothar Matthäus sucht verzweifelt eine neue Freundin, sogar über eine Partnervermittlung hat er es schon versucht. Ist ja auch schwierig: Es gibt nicht so viele junge Frauen, die gleichzeitig attraktiv UND taub sind.

(New Girlfriend for Loddar?
Lothar Matthäus is desperately looking for a new girlfriend, and has even tried a matchmaker agency. But it's difficult: there just aren't that many young women that are both attractive and deaf...")

Sexuelle Erfahrungen
Eine schockierende Umfrage hat ergeben: In Deutschland hatten elf Prozent der vierzehnjährigen Mädchen schon ihre ersten sexuellen Erfahrungen. Die anderen konnten einfach schneller laufen als Lothar Matthäus.

(Sexual Experience
A shocking survey has revealed: In Germany, 11% of 14 year old girls have already had their first sexual experience. The others can simply run faster than Lothar Matthäus...)

OK, enough Loddar bashing for today...


March 5, 2006

Bundesliga, round 24

Many interesting results this round. The first surprise was Hamburg (Demel,deJong) stunning Bayern (Scholl), for Bayern's first home loss in the Allianz-Arena. HSV was a deserved winner in a game marked by heavy snowfall, although it took a last second goal by newcomer de Jong to get the victory after oldtimer Scholl almost saved a point a couple of minutes earlier. Bremen (Frings) was unable to take full advantage and could only draw at Leverkusen (Berbatov). The match was fairly even, so they really can't complain, and the Aspirins remain one of the more unpredicatble clubs. Schalke (Poulsen,Bajramovic) moved closer to Champions League contention with a somewhat fortunate win at Hannover (Christiansen). Die Kanppen were well up at halftime, but H96 attacked furiously in the 2nd half, and in the last minute, Stajner missed a huge chance to get a deserved point. At the bottom, things remain thrilling. Nürnberg (Vittek 3) had a massive win in a direct relegation battle with Duisburg, and if Robert Vittek isn't Player of the Week, I'll be amazed. Der Club was dominant in the 1st half, but through laziness tried to let teh Zebras back in. However, in general MSV was too crap today (e.g. Lavric managing to boot the ball over the open goal from about 5 feet), so the critical points fell easily to Nürnberg. Hertha BSC (Pantelic 2) must be the laughing stock of Germany after flopping at home against Köln (Podolski 2, Streller, Scherz). Berlin had their chances, and can't really complain. Coach Falko Götz surely will be fired soon?! Also possible, GM Dieter Hoeness' ass is hit by the door as he is booted out too, since his reign-of-error has been relatively crap at Berlin. For Köln, they keep their slim hope alive through the revival, and it looks like Lukas Podolski has woken up from his slumber. Dortmund (Woerns) and Mainz (Thurk) had a lame draw that helps neither, although obviously Mainz will be more satisfied with the point. Frankfurt (Amanatidis) and Wolfsburg (Hanke) played a match hardly anyone cared about, and the Eagles missed several opportunities to win outright. Of course, the Volkswagens have to be happy escaping with a point. Gladbach (Jansen, Sonck) handled Bielefeld and have stopped their mini-crisis. Both clubs had trouble with the crap conditions, but Gladbach raised it's game in the 2nd half to go out deserved winners. The 'Lautern-Stuttgart was buried under snow and was rescheduled for Tuesday the 7th.

Team of the Week: Hamburg and honorable mention to Robert Vittek :)
Turd of the Weak: Hertha

 

Hertha BSC Berlin 	- 	1. FC Köln 		2:4 (0:0)	38,880
1. FC Nürnberg 		- 	MSV Duisburg 		3:0 (2:0)	43,954
Hannover 96 		- 	FC Schalke 04 		1:2 (0:2)	47,243
Bayern München 		- 	Hamburger SV 		1:2 (0:1)	69,000 (sold out)
Bayer Leverkusen 	- 	Werder Bremen 		1:1 (1:1)	22,500 (sold out)
Borussia Dortmund 	- 	1. FSV Mainz 05 	1:1 (1:0)	66,200
Eintracht Frankfurt 	- 	VfL Wolfsburg 		1:1 (0:0)	26,000
Borussia M'gladbach 	- 	Arminia Bielefeld 	2:0 (1:0)	39,372
1. FC Kaiserslautern 	- 	VfB Stuttgart		postponed


 1 	Bayern München 		24 	18 	4 	2 	48:19 	+29 	58
 2 	Werder Bremen 		24 	15 	5 	4 	55:26 	+29 	50
 3 	Hamburger SV 		24 	15 	5 	4 	37:18 	+19 	50
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 4 	FC Schalke 04 		24 	13 	9 	2 	35:18 	+17 	48
 5 	VfB Stuttgart 		23 	7 	12 	4 	26:21 	+5 	33
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 6 	Borussia M'gladbach 	24 	8 	9 	7 	30:29 	+1 	33
 7 	Bayer Leverkusen 	24 	8 	8 	8 	41:38 	+3 	32
 8 	Hannover 96 		24 	6 	12 	6 	34:31 	+3 	30
 9 	Borussia Dortmund 	24 	7 	9 	8 	29:29 	 0 	30
10 	Hertha BSC Berlin	24 	7 	9 	8 	34:35 	-1 	30
11 	Arminia Bielefeld 	24 	7 	6 	11 	26:34 	-8 	27
12 	Eintracht Frankfurt 	24 	7 	5 	12 	31:39 	-8 	26
13 	VfL Wolfsburg 		24 	6 	8 	10 	25:40 	-15 	26
14 	1. FC Nürnberg 		24 	6 	6 	12 	26:37 	-11 	24
15 	1. FC Kaiserslautern 	23 	6 	5 	12 	33:50 	-17 	23
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
16 	1. FSV Mainz 05 	24 	5 	6 	13 	33:39 	-6 	21
17 	MSV Duisburg 		24 	4 	8 	12 	23:43 	-20 	20
18 	1. FC Köln 		24 	4 	6 	14 	32:52 	-20 	18


2.Liga, round 24

Bochum missed a chance to solidify 1st as a few games were canceled due to snow covered pitches. Good win however for Offenbach in their relegation battle. A huge win for Aachen, which is on the verge of a sensational return to the Bundesliga after some 35 years. Paderborn's momentum was stopped cold by a desperate Dresden squad.

 

Wacker Burghausen 	- 	LR Ahlen 		1:3 (1:1)	 3,300
Erzgebirge Aue 		- 	Energie Cottbus 	2:2 (2:0) 	12,800
VfL Bochum 		- 	Kickers Offenbach 	0:1 (0:0) 	14,021
Eintr. Braunschweig 	- 	1860 München 		3:3 (2:2) 	20,100
SC Paderborn 07 	- 	Dynamo Dresden 		0:2 (0:1) 	 6,930
SpVgg Unterhaching 	- 	SC Freiburg 		postponed
Karlsruher SC 		- 	1. FC Saarbrücken 	postponed
Sportfr. Siegen 	- 	Greuther Fürth 		postponed
Alemannia Aachen 	- 	Hansa Rostock 		3:2 (3:1)	17,050



1 	VfL Bochum 		24 	13 	7 	4 	38:19 	+19 	46
2 	Alemannia Aachen	23 	14 	3 	6 	43:25 	+18 	45
3 	SC Freiburg 		23 	11 	5 	7 	31:25 	+6 	38
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
4 	Energie Cottbus 	23 	10 	7 	6 	37:27 	+10 	37
5 	SC Paderborn 07 	24 	10 	6 	8 	35:22 	+13 	36
6 	Greuther Fürth 		22 	10 	6 	6 	35:29 	+6 	36
7 	Karlsruher SC 		23 	10 	6 	7 	33:29 	+4 	36
8 	SpVgg Unterhaching 	23 	10 	4 	9 	35:29 	+6 	34
9 	Wacker Burghausen 	23 	8 	8 	7 	29:35 	-6 	32
10 	Hansa Rostock 		23 	9 	4 	10 	32:32 	 0 	31
11 	Eintr. Braunschweig 	22 	9 	4 	9 	25:25 	 0 	31
12 	Erzgebirge Aue 		24 	7 	9 	8 	23:26 	-3 	30
13 	TSV 1860 München 	23 	7 	8 	8 	32:33 	-1 	29
14 	Kickers Offenbach 	23 	7 	3 	13 	23:43 	-20 	24
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
15 	Dynamo Dresden 		22 	6 	5 	11 	24:32 	-8 	23
16 	Sportfreunde Siegen 	22 	5 	5 	12 	22:31 	-9 	20
17 	1. FC Saarbrücken 	22 	5 	5 	12 	22:42 	-20 	20
18 	LR Ahlen 		23 	4 	7 	12 	23:38 	-15 	19


Politicians - Yeah, that ought to fix it!

In one of the dumbest results of the disastrous 1-4 Ohrfeige that Germany received recently at the hands of Italy, apparently some idiot politicians are demanding that head coach Jürgen Klinsmann appear before parliamentary commitees to "explain" his coaching methods and his planning for the World Cup. what a joke, the same idiots that are running Germany into the toilet now want to advise on soccer matters? Isn't it bad enough that apparently all these jokers get free tickets to all the matches? Well, at least you can't blame it on one party, as apparently some of the doofuses come from the CDU, SPD and FDP. Probably the Greens are exempt, because most of them wouldn't be caught dead in a soccer stadium because it's not enviromentally friendly. And the PDS? Who knows, perhaps their main sports interest is to continue to assure that east German female athletes get plenty of steroids.


February 26, 2006

Bundesliga, round 23

Some perhaps decisive results this weekend help define the remaining season. It becomes increasingly clear that nobody will stop Bayern from winning yet another title. The clubs chasing the München giants seem to be slipping up on a regular basis, so the title is almost in the bag. Bayern (Guerrero 2, Ballack 2, Pizarro) rested Roy Makaay, but still rolled past Frankfurt (Preuss, Meier). Especially impressive in the first half, Bayern keeps the home whitewash with their 11-0 record. Frankfurt has now lost 3 in a row and is being dragged back into the relegation mess. Hamburg laid an egg at home against Stuttgart (Meissner,Gomez). In general HSV had the upper hand, but Stuttgart played a discplined, well-organized match, and go home deserved winners. After a lapse by Boulahrez, Stuttgart grabbed a lead and held on doggedly. Van Buyten didn't help HSV's cause by getting his ass tossed either. With Hamburg throwing everything in a desperate gasp, Gomez had an easy empty net goal in injury time, when he stole the ball from Van der vaart. Bremen (Klose,Klasnic) celebrated the return of striker Miroslav Klose with an easy win over Gladbach. The relegation battle really heated up again. First, Köln played like a turd and was wiped out by Leverkusen (Berbatov, Voronin,Krzynowek) in a Rhein derby. Actually the match was pretty even for about an hour, but Köln totally collapsed when they fell behind. They are now pretty much the first club to be ensured of relegation. But everybody else is still fighting. Duisburg (Tararache,Lavric) got a critical win against Hertha (Bastürk), which continues to stink up the joint. Hertha's Alex Madlung got the Zebras started as he got red carded for the 3rd time in 5 matches! His foul on Lavric resulted in the opening goal, Tararache's penalty. Uncharacteristically, they started playing decent after being down 0-2, but that may have been because Duisburg was so shocked that they were actually winning, they were confused. Kaiserslautern (Sanogo 2) continued their miraculous revival in the derby at Mainz; once again Ivorian striker Boubacar Sanogo is the hero. K-town has won 3 in a row, and Sanogo has contributed 6 goals in that stretch. Nevertheless, Mainz was somewhat hard done by, since they looked the better team, and can legitimately complain about some dodgy calls. But they also wasted too many chances and are now back in relegation. Schalke (Kuryanyi, Lincoln) needed help from Banovic getting his ass tossed to upend Nürnberg. Up until that point der Club had been actually enjoyig a slight edge. However, from then on, Schalke piled on the pressure and were rewarded with the 3 points, condemning Nürnberg to a relegation spot. Bielefeld (Kauf) picked up a critical win against Dortmund, somewhat fortunate, but the Neons wasted too many opportunities. Volkswagen (Hanke, Menseguez) stopped the rot against Hannover (Brdaric), and also stopped the 96ers 11 match unbeaten run. They actually were the better team, and were shocked by Menseguez's long range bomb at the end of the match.

Team of the Week: Stuttgart
Turd of the Weak: Hertha

 

1. FC Köln 		- 	Bayer Leverkusen 	0:3 (0:0)	50,000 (sold out)
Werder Bremen 		- 	Borussia M'gladbach 	2:0 (2:0)	39,900
Arminia Bielefeld 	- 	Borussia Dortmund 	1:0 (1:0)	26,601 (sold out)
1. FSV Mainz 05 	- 	1. FC Kaiserslautern 	0:2 (0:2)	20,300 (sold out)
FC Schalke 04 		- 	1. FC Nürnberg 		2:0 (0:0)	60,729
Bayern München 		- 	Eintracht Frankfurt 	5:2 (3:1)	69,000 (sold out)
VfL Wolfsburg 		- 	Hannover 96 		2:1 (1:1)	21,436
MSV Duisburg 		- 	Hertha BSC Berlin	2:1 (1:0)	20,131
Hamburger SV 		- 	VfB Stuttgart 		0:2 (0:1)	51,821



 1 	Bayern München 		23 	18 	4 	1 	47:17 	+30 	58
 2 	Werder Bremen 		23 	15 	4 	4 	54:25 	+29 	49
 3 	Hamburger SV 		23 	14 	5 	4 	35:17 	+18 	47
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 4 	FC Schalke 04 		23 	12 	9 	2 	33:17 	+16 	45
 5 	VfB Stuttgart 		23 	7 	12 	4 	26:21 	+5 	33
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 6 	Bayer Leverkusen 	23 	8 	7 	8 	40:37 	+3 	31
 7 	Hannover 96 		23 	6 	12 	5 	33:29 	+4 	30
 8 	Hertha BSC Berlin	23 	7 	9 	7 	32:31 	+1 	30
 9 	Borussia M'gladbach 	23 	7 	9 	7 	28:29 	-1 	30
10 	Borussia Dortmund 	23 	7 	8 	8 	28:28 	 0 	29
11 	Arminia Bielefeld 	23 	7 	6 	10 	26:32 	-6 	27
12 	Eintracht Frankfurt 	23 	7 	4 	12 	30:38 	-8 	25
13 	VfL Wolfsburg 		23 	6 	7 	10 	24:39 	-15 	25
14 	1. FC Kaiserslautern 	23 	6 	5 	12 	33:50 	-17 	23
15 	1. FC Nürnberg 		23 	5 	6 	12 	23:37 	-14 	21
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
16 	1. FSV Mainz 05 	23 	5 	5 	13 	32:38 	-6 	20
17 	MSV Duisburg 		23 	4 	8 	11 	23:40 	-17 	20
18 	1. FC Köln 		23 	3 	6 	14 	28:50 	-22 	15

2. Liga, round 23

Things remain tight, as always. A somewhat minor surprise as Unterhaching plastered one of the recently in form clubs, KSC. Other than that, wait till the last day of the season for the decisions...

 


Greuther Fürth 		- 	SC Paderborn 07 	1:1 (0:0)	 5,500
Energie Cottbus 	- 	Wacker Burghausen 	4:1 (0:1) 	 7,450
1. FC Saarbrücken 	- 	Erzgebirge Aue 		1:1 (1:1) 	 6,400
Hansa Rostock 		- 	Sportfr. Siegen 	2:0 (0:0) 	10,000
Dynamo Dresden 		- 	VfL Bochum 		0:0 (0:0) 	13,153
LR Ahlen 		- 	Alemannia Aachen 	0:2 (0:1) 	 5,125
Kickers Offenbach 	- 	Eintr. Braunschweig 	2:0 (1:0) 	 7,084
SpVgg Unterhaching 	- 	Karlsruher SC 		4:1 (3:0) 	 3,800
SC Freiburg 		- 	TSV 1860 München 	-:-


1 	VfL Bochum	 	23 	13 	7 	3 	38:18 	+20 	46
2 	Alemannia Aachen 	22 	13 	3 	6 	40:23 	+17 	42
3 	SC Paderborn 07 	23 	10 	6 	7 	35:20 	+15 	36
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
4 	Energie Cottbus 	22 	10 	6 	6 	35:25 	+10 	36
5 	SpVgg Greuther Fürth 	22 	10 	6 	6 	35:29 	+6 	36
6 	Karlsruher SC 		23 	10 	6 	7 	33:29 	+4 	36
7 	SC Freiburg 		22 	10 	5 	7 	29:24 	+5 	35
8 	SpVgg Unterhaching 	23 	10 	4 	9 	35:29 	+6 	34
9 	Wacker Burghausen 	22 	8 	8 	6 	28:32 	-4 	32
10 	Hansa Rostock 		22 	9 	4 	9 	30:29 	+1 	31
11 	Eintr. Braunschweig 	21 	9 	3 	9 	22:22 	 0 	30
12 	Erzgebirge Aue 		23 	7 	8 	8 	21:24 	-3 	29
13 	TSV 1860 München	21 	7 	7 	7 	28:28 	 0 	28
14 	Kickers Offenbach 	22 	6 	3 	13 	22:43 	-21 	21
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
15 	Sportfr. Siegen 	22 	5 	5 	12 	22:31 	-9 	20
16 	Dynamo Dresden 		21 	5 	5 	11 	22:32 	-10 	20
17 	1. FC Saarbrücken 	22 	5 	5 	12 	22:42 	-20 	20
18 	LR Ahlen 		22 	3 	7 	12 	20:37 	-17 	16



February 19, 2006

Bundesliga, round 22

A good week for clubs fighting for 2nd place, as they all managed important wins on the road. Bremen (Klasnic) managed to eek out a win at Dortmund in an entertaining match. Werder dominated the match early, with some nice combinations, but Dortmund were on the verge of getting back in when Klasnic hit a hard drive past Weidenfeller after a nice layoff from Valdez. Dortmund was mostly dangerous when Odonkor was raiding down the right flank, as his pace caused problems for the Bremen defense. On the other hand, the Bremen offside trap was smooth as a baby's ass, and Dortmund was caught about 20 times. Smolarek missed a sitter that could have given Dortmund a deserved draw, has his point blank shot (after yet another feed from the tireless Odonkor) hit the post. Schalke (Asamoah, Bajramovic) managed a win at Berlin (Madlung). The Schalkers were simply better organized and were able to easily withstand Hertha's pressure in the 2nd half. After the midweek crapper against Bucharest in the UEFA Cup, Hertha general manager Dieter Hoeness went off the deep end, blaming Marcelinho and demanding that he get a haircut to his dumb-ass Mohawk. Head coach Falko Götz apparently agreed and was going to bench the Brazilian, but the players revolted. Not that it made any difference. A decent crowd saw Frankfurt (Meier) lose against Hamburg (Trochowski, van Buyten), which begins to undo some of the good work that Eintracht had done over the last several weeks. HSV took advantage of their chances to hold onto 2nd place. Gone are the days when they were fighting at the top, but Gladbach (Lell - own goal, Neuville) still packed them in for the derby against Köln. The match itself was crap, with the hosts playing lame, but Köln self-destructed, with an own goal and Benschneider getting his ass tossed in the first half-hour. Gladbach at least stops the rot somewhat, whereas the Goats are mired in last place. Bayer Aspirin (Freier,Barnetta,Berbatov) managed to sneak by Duisburg (Lavric 2), but needed a late goal and a stupid red card foul from Biliskov to defeat the Zebras. But the Petpto-Bismols should have won easily, as they wasted lots of chances, and they should have never been in the predicament against a crap 2nd division quality side. Nürnberg (Saenko) needed a ton of wasted opportunities in a nervous performance to beat Wolfsburg and barely keep their heads above water. Meanwhile, Kaiserslautern (Sanogo 2) was lucky to win against Bielefeld, who controlled the game. But after upsetting Bremen last week, perhaps the Red Devils have decided to follow the same plan: play crap, but hold on and sneak in goals on counterattack. This critical win gives them a battling chance to save themselves. Stuttgart (Ljuboja, Tiffert) finally got the first win under new coach Armin Veh. Mainz (da Silva) was somewhat unlucky, as they hit the woodwork twice, and battled fairly even. Hannover (Brdaric) gave a strong performance against leaders Bayern (Ballack), who needed a last minute goal by their captain to pull things out. The 96ers are now unbeaten in 11 matches, and are playing solid football. Bayern deserved the point, but were probably surprised that their hosts didn't roll over and indeed put them on the brink of defeat.

Team of the Week: Bremen
Turd of the Weak: Hertha

 

Borussia M'gladbach 	- 	1. FC Köln 		2:0 (0:0)	54,019 (sold out)
Bayer Leverkusen 	- 	MSV Duisburg 		3:2 (2:1)	22,500 (sold out)
Hertha BSC Berlin 	- 	FC Schalke 04 		1:2 (1:2)	50,948
1. FC Nürnberg 		- 	VfL Wolfsburg 		1:0 (1:0)	16,954
Borussia Dortmund 	- 	Werder Bremen 		0:1 (0:1)	75,200
Hannover 96 		- 	Bayern München 		1:1 (0:0)	49,000 (sold out)
1. FC Kaiserslautern 	- 	Arminia Bielefeld 	2:0 (1:0)	26,806
Eintracht Frankfurt 	- 	Hamburger SV 		1:2 (1:1)	47,500
VfB Stuttgart 		- 	1. FSV Mainz 05 	2:1 (1:1)	28,000


 1 	Bayern München 		22 	17 	4 	1 	42:15 	+27 	55
 2 	Hamburger SV 		22 	14 	5 	3 	35:15 	+20 	47
 3 	Werder Bremen 		22 	14 	4 	4 	52:25 	+27 	46
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 4 	FC Schalke 04 		22 	11 	9 	2 	31:17 	+14 	42
 5 	Hannover 96 		22 	6 	12 	4 	32:27 	+5 	30
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 6 	VfB Stuttgart 		22 	6 	12 	4 	24:21 	+3 	30
 7 	Hertha BSC Berlin	22 	7 	9 	6 	31:29 	+2 	30
 8 	Borussia M'gladbach 	22 	7 	9 	6 	28:27 	+1 	30
 9 	Borussia Dortmund 	22 	7 	8 	7 	28:27 	+1 	29
10 	Bayer Leverkusen 	22 	7 	7 	8 	37:37 	 0 	28
11 	Eintracht Frankfurt 	22 	7 	4 	11 	28:33 	-5 	25
12 	Arminia Bielefeld 	22 	6 	6 	10 	25:32 	-7 	24
13 	VfL Wolfsburg 		22 	5 	7 	10 	22:38 	-16 	22
14 	1. FC Nürnberg 		22 	5 	6 	11 	23:35 	-12 	21
15 	1. FSV Mainz 05 	22 	5 	5 	12 	32:36 	-4 	20
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
16 	1. FC Kaiserslautern 	22 	5 	5 	12 	31:50 	-19 	20
17 	MSV Duisburg 		22 	3 	8 	11 	21:39 	-18 	17
18 	1. FC Köln 		22 	3 	6 	13 	28:47 	-19 	15


2. Liga, round 22

The top clash in Bochum ended in a 1-1 draw, as guests Fürth gave a good account of themselves against the leaders. One of the larger Karlsruhe crowds since Bundesliga days saw the regional derby between KSC and Freiburg end in the same score. And once again 1860 disappointed.

 


Karlsruher SC 		- 	SC Freiburg 		1:1 (0:0)	27,900
TSV 1860 München 	- 	Kickers Offenbach 	1:1 (0:0) 	27,800
Eintr. Braunschweig 	- 	Dynamo Dresden 		1:0 (0:0) 	17,100
SC Paderborn 07 	- 	Hansa Rostock 		3:0 (3:0) 	 6,850
Sportfr. Siegen 	- 	LR Ahlen 		-:-  (canceled)	
Wacker Burghausen 	- 	1. FC Saarbrücken 	2:0 (2:0) 	 4,500
VfL Bochum 		- 	Greuther Fürth 		1:1 (1:0) 	17,157
Erzgebirge Aue	 	- 	SpVgg Unterhaching 	0:1 (0:1) 	 9,900
Alemannia Aachen 	- 	Energie Cottbus 	-:- 	


1 	VfL Bochum 		22 	13 	6 	3 	38:18 	20 	45
2 	Alemannia Aachen 	20 	12 	2 	6 	38:23 	15 	38
3 	Karlsruher SC 		22 	10 	6 	6 	32:25 	7 	36
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
4 	SC Paderborn 07 	22 	10 	5 	7 	34:19 	15 	35
5 	Greuther Fürth 		21 	10 	5 	6 	34:28 	6 	35
6 	SC Freiburg 		22 	10 	5 	7 	29:24 	5 	35
7 	Energie Cottbus 	20 	9 	5 	6 	31:24 	7 	32
8 	Wacker Burghausen 	21 	8 	8 	5 	27:28 	-1 	32
9 	SpVgg Unterhaching 	22 	9 	4 	9 	31:28 	3 	31
10 	Eintr. Braunschweig 	20 	9 	3 	8 	22:20 	2 	30
11 	Hansa Rostock 		20 	8 	4 	8 	28:28 	0 	28
12  	TSV 1860 München 	21 	7 	7 	7 	28:28 	0 	28
13 	Erzgebirge Aue 		22 	7 	7 	8 	20:23 	-3 	28
14 	Sportfr. Siegen 	21 	5 	5 	11 	22:29 	-7 	20
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
15 	1. FC Saarbrücken 	21 	5 	4 	12 	21:41 	-20 	19
16 	Kickers Offenbach 	21 	5 	3 	13 	20:43 	-23 	18
17 	Dynamo Dresden 		19 	4 	4 	11 	21:32 	-11 	16
18 	LR Ahlen 		21 	3 	7 	11 	20:35 	-15 	16


February 16, 2006

UEFA Flop-Pokal

The Bundesliga squads pretty much disgraced themselves with crap performances in the UEFA Cup, which raises serious doubts about their ability to advance to the next round. Schalke at least managed to win, a 2-1 struggle against a lame Espanyol Barcelona. Despite dominating the match, they were losing and only pulled out a victory on a goal by Fabian Ernst in the last minute. While Schalke was lame, the rest were even crappier. HSV is almost the laughing stock of Germany, losing against Swiss dwarfs FC Thun 0-1. They don't even deserve a rematch in Hamburg, which they will hopefully win by enough to advance. VfB Stuttgart lost at home 1-2 to Middlesborough, one of the Premier League's crap squads. But at least VfB had an excuse, since by firing head coach Trappatoni a week ago, they're now led brilliantly by Armin Veh. We can see the results already! And finally, Hertha BSC managed to go one better on everyone, losing 0-1 at home to Rapid Bucharest. Only 13,500 Berliners bothered to show up, as they suspect that Hertha has long been showing Arbeitsverweigerung (refusal to work), and undoubtedly the fans don't like being pissed on.


February 12, 2006

Bundesliga results, round 21

Despite the cold weather, attendance was quite good, and the results as usual favor Bayern... In a wild match, Schalke (Larsen 2, Krstajic, Bajaramovic, Kuranyi, Lincoln, Asamoah) finally prevailed over Leverkusen (Voronin 2, Berbatov, Krzynowek) in a 7-4 shootout. Schalke looked to have overrun the Aspirins, only to see them come back like a gag-reflex. Considering how both had been playing like dead fish recently, the fighting effort is sure to please fans and coaches, although obviously the Blues are happiest, gaining important points in their attempt to grab a Champions League spot. Bayern (Makaay, Ballack) notched up the points in a Bavarian derby against Nürnberg (Vittek). Despite a decent effort by "der Club", the champions once again grind out a win, and with Bremen losing, now build their lead to 10 points. Werder dominated against Kaiserslautern (Sanogo, Skela), but suffered two late goals, gifting a precious win for the relegation battling visitors. Hamburg (Mahdavikia) was able to take advantage and seize 2nd, after upending Mainz in a crap performance by both sides. In a relegation Ruhr derby, Gladbach (Svensson) was somewhat lucky to get a point at Duisburg (Lavric). The Zebras pressed for the win, and Horst Köppel's visitors seemed content to just kick the ball about aimlessly and kill off the game for 70 minutes after they equalized early. Köln takes over the "red lantern" of last place, despite yet another draw. Their scoreless tussel with Dortmund was entertaining, and they controlled most of the match, although towards the end they were running on empty, and Dortmund was getting stronger. Stuttgart boss Giovanni Trappatoni was surprisingly fired by the club after their last dreary outing where they couldn't score. The club strategy worked brilliantly, as under new coach Armin Veh, they scored (Magnin), but in general looked harmless against the well organized hosts Bielefeld (Boakye 2). So I guess the loss just proves club management are just a bunch of wankers. Important points for Arminia, and Ghanaian Isaac Boakye is emerging as a star. Hannover (Yankov) had a somewhat lucky win at Frankfurt, and aside from the winner coming from the famed penis-injury Bulgarian, few have noticed that the 96ers had snuck up the table like a silent but deadly fart. They are unbeaten since famed motivator retread Peter Neururer took over, and have now climbed up to 6th place! And in a fixture that would almost make one want to watch a worthless Serie A match, the draw between Volkswagen (Hofland) and Hertha (Marcelinho) actually proved quite entertaining, as two Berliners got their asses tossed. I guess it just goes to show that even the worst of the Bundesliga is better than some tosser match like AC Milan-Inter or the latest Juventus fix...

Team of the Week: Schalke, honorable mention to Lautern
Turd of the Weak: Bremen

 


FC Schalke 04 		- 	Bayer Leverkusen 	7:4 (3:1)	61,524 (sold out)
MSV Duisburg 		- 	Borussia M'gladbach 	1:1 (1:1)	30,020
VfL Wolfsburg 		- 	Hertha BSC 		1:1 (0:1)	16,121
Werder Bremen 		- 	1. FC Kaiserslautern 	0:2 (0:0)	36,218
Arminia Bielefeld 	- 	VfB Stuttgart 		2:1 (1:1)	17,728
Hamburger SV 		- 	1. FSV Mainz 05 	1:0 (1:0)	52,081
Eintracht Frankfurt 	- 	Hannover 96 		0:1 (0:0)	26,000
1. FC Köln 		- 	Borussia Dortmund 	0:0 (0:0)	50,000 (sold out)
Bayern München 		- 	1. FC Nürnberg 		2:1 (1:1)	69,000 (sold out)



 1 Bayern München 	21 	17 	3 	1 	41:14 	+27 	54
 2 Hamburger SV 	21 	13 	5 	3 	33:14 	+19 	44
 3 Werder Bremen 	21 	13 	4 	4 	51:25 	+26 	43
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
 4 FC Schalke 04 	21 	10 	9 	2 	29:16 	+13 	39
 5 Hertha BSC Berlin 	21 	7 	9 	5 	30:27 	+3 	30
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
 6 Hannover 96 		21 	6 	11 	4 	31:26 	+5 	29
 7 Borussia Dortmund 	21 	7 	8 	6 	28:26 	+2 	29
 8 VfB Stuttgart 	21 	5 	12 	4 	22:20 	+2 	27
 9 Borussia M'gladbach 	21 	6 	9 	6 	26:27 	-1 	27
10 Bayer Leverkusen 	21 	6 	7 	8 	34:35 	-1 	25
11 Eintracht Frankfurt 	21 	7 	4 	10 	27:31 	-4 	25
12 Arminia Bielefeld 	21 	6 	6 	9 	25:30 	-5 	24
13 VfL Wolfsburg 	21 	5 	7 	9 	22:37 	-15 	22
14 1. FSV Mainz 05 	21 	5 	5 	11 	31:34 	-3 	20
15 1. FC Nürnberg 	21 	4 	6 	11 	22:35 	-13 	18
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
16 MSV Duisburg 	21 	3 	8 	10 	19:36 	-17 	17
17 1. FC Kaiserslautern 21 	4 	5 	12 	29:50 	-21 	17
18 1. FC Köln 		21 	3 	6 	12 	28:45 	-17 	15


2.Liga results

Most of the top squads were winning, with Karlsruhe getting the most impressive result. The ex-Bayern München Reserve squad is knocking on the door of the Bundesliga after a many year absence. The loser as usual was 1860, which despite dominating failed to bring home even a point from crap Dresden.

 


Dynamo Dresden 		- 	TSV 1860 München 	2:0 (1:0)	 9,709
Karlsruher SC 		- 	Erzgebirge Aue 		5:2 (2:0) 	11,500
Energie Cottbus 	- 	Sportfr. Siegen 	1:0 (0:0) 	 7,150
LR Ahlen 		- 	SC Paderborn 07 	0:2 (0:2) 	 5,045
Greuther Fürth 		- 	Eintr. Braunschweig 	0:1 (0:0) 	 6,200
SpVgg Unterhaching 	- 	Wacker Burghausen 	1:1 (1:1) 	 3,500
SC Freiburg 		- 	Kickers Offenbach 	2:0 (0:0) 	11,500
Hansa Rostock 		- 	VfL Bochum 		0:2 (0:2)	14,000 		
1. FC Saarbrücken 	- 	Alemannia Aachen 	-:- 	



 1 VfL Bochum 		21 	13 	5 	3 	37:17 	+20 	44
 2 Alemannia Aachen 	20 	12 	2 	6 	38:23 	+15 	38
 3 Karlsruher SC 	21 	10 	5 	6 	31:24 	+7 	35
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
 4 SpVgg Greuther Fürth 20 	10 	4 	6 	33:27 	+6 	34
 5 SC Freiburg 		21 	10 	4 	7 	28:23 	+5 	34
 6 SC Paderborn 07 	21 	9 	5 	7 	31:19 	+12 	32
 7 Energie Cottbus 	20 	9 	5 	6 	31:24 	+7 	32
 8 TSV 1860 München 	21 	8 	6 	7 	29:27 	+2 	30
 9 Wacker Burghausen 	21 	7 	8 	6 	25:30 	-5 	29
10 Hansa Rostock 	19 	8 	4 	7 	28:25 	+3 	28
11 SpVgg Unterhaching 	21 	8 	4 	9 	30:28 	+2 	28
12 Erzgebirge Aue 	21 	7 	7 	7 	20:22 	-2 	28
13 Eintr. Braunschweig 	19 	8 	3 	8 	21:20 	+1 	27
14 Sportfr. Siegen 	21 	5 	5 	11 	22:29 	-7 	20
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
15 1. FC Saarbrücken 	20 	5 	4 	11 	21:39 	-18 	19
16 Kickers Offenbach 	20 	5 	2 	13 	19:42 	-23 	17
17 Dynamo Dresden 	18 	4 	4 	10 	21:31 	-10 	16
18 LR Ahlen 		21 	3 	7 	11 	20:35 	-15 	16



February 8, 2006

Bundesliga results, round 20

Midweek action in the Bundesliga brought forth some interesting results. Hertha BSC was close to winning against a crappily performing Bayern in front of large crowd. Olli Kahn had one of his best performances to salvage a point for the leaders. Hertha demonstrated that they are capable of playing some good football, but could use some tutoring in the "kick the ball in the net" department. Nobody was able to take advantage however. Stuttgart managed to hold a point against Bremen, despite giving up the whole field. Meanwhile Schalke was putting in another stinking effort in a drab draw at Gladbach. And Hamburg (Barbarez) managed to do even worse, losing at Hannover (Zuraw,Hashemian). And not only did they drop the points, but Ailton had to be stretchered off (no, not because he was too fat, but apparently Balitsch broke his jaw in a "Welcome back" tackle.) In a fierce relegation battle, Kaiserslautern (Sanogo, Schoenheim) split the points with Köln (Streller 2). An exciting match, but the Red Devils will be somewhat disappointed, as they had more chances to win. Also hard fought was the draw between Mainz (Zidan) and Bielefeld (Boakye). A drab first half was followed by an exciting 2nd, and a just partition of the points. Other relegation threatened teams didn't fair as well. Duisburg was too passive against Dortmund (Brzenska,Rosicky) and can't complain about the loss. Willi also got his ass red carded. Nürnberg laid an egg against Frankfurt (Amanatidis), who must be one of the most improved clubs from early season form. Finally, in a battle of consumer products, PeptoBismol Aspirins (Berbatov,Barnetta,Schneider,Madouni) bitch-slapped the Volkswagen Rabbits silly.

Team of the Week: Frankfurt
Turd of the Weak: Volkswagen

 


1. FC Kaiserslautern 	-  1. FC Köln 		2:2 (1:1) 	29,145
Borussia Dortmund 	-  MSV Duisburg 	2:0 (0:0) 	62,200
Hertha BSC Berlin	-  Bayern München 	0:0 (0:0)	72,940 
FSV Mainz 05 		-  Arminia Bielefeld 	1:1 (0:0) 	19,500
Borussia M'gladbach 	-  FC Schalke 04 	0:0 (0:0) 	51,026
Hannover 96 		-  Hamburger SV 	2:1 (0:0)	40,053 
Bayer Leverkusen 	-  VfL Wolfsburg 	4:0 (1:0) 	20,000
VfB Stuttgart 		-  Werder Bremen 	0:0 (0:0) 	30,000
1. FC Nürnberg 		-  Eintracht Frankfurt 	0:1 (0:1) 	22,261


 1 Bayern München 	20  16  3  1 	39:13  +26 	51 
 2 Werder Bremen 	20  13  4  3 	51:23  +28 	43 
 3 Hamburger SV 	20  12  5  3 	32:14  +18 	41
---------------------------------------------------------- 
 4 FC Schalke 04 	20   9  9  2 	22:12  +10 	36 
 5 Hertha BSC Berlin	20   7  8  5 	29:26  +3 	29
---------------------------------------------------------- 
 6 Borussia Dortmund 	20   7  7  6 	28:26  +2 	28 
 7 VfB Stuttgart 	20   5 12  3 	21:18  +3 	27 
 8 Hannover 96 		20   5 11  4 	30:26  +4 	26 
 9 Borussia M'gladbach 	20   6  8  6 	25:26  -1 	26 
10 Bayer Leverkusen 	20   6  7  7 	30:28  +2 	25 
11 Eintracht Frankfurt 	20   7  4  9 	27:30  -3 	25 
12 Arminia Bielefeld 	20   5  6  9 	23:29  -6 	21 
13 VfL Wolfsburg 	20   5  6  9 	21:36  -15 	21 
14 1. FSV Mainz 05 	20   5  5 10 	31:33  -2 	20 
15 1. FC Nürnberg 	20   4  6 10 	21:33  -12 	18
---------------------------------------------------------- 
16 MSV Duisburg 	20   3  7 10 	18:35  -17 	16 
17 1. FC Köln 		20   3  5 12 	28:45  -17 	14 
18 1. FC Kaiserslautern 20   3  5 12 	27:50  -23 	14 



February 6, 2006

Bundesliga results, round 19

Bayern continues to march on, as they controlled the game against Leverkusen, getting the game winner from MOTM Michael Ballack. The Aspirins actually gave a good account of themselves, almost committing highway robbery as Voronin missed a sitter at the end. The "Revierderby" between Schalke and Dortmund was a dreary affair that was a worthless kickabout. Most of the players, especially the attacking ones, disgraced themselves with crap performances. Dortmund keeper Roman Weidenfeller was MOTM with a couple of nice saves off shots by Lincoln. Hertha got off to a quick start, with Boateng scoring after 20 minutes, but after that Frankfurt dominated, and Jermaine Jones (the brother of German national women's player Steffi Jones) equalized after an hour. They ran wild, outshooting Hertha 10-1, but reserve keeper Gerhard Tremmel had a brilliant match, salvaging a point for the visitors. A critical relegation battle ended in a draw between Duisburg (Kurth, Tararache) and Kaiserslautern (Halfar 2). The Zebras were on the verge of a crucial win, up 2-0, when Lautern coach Wolfgang Wolf came up with a desperation masterstroke: he threw on Daniel Halfar, a young striker who had only turned 18 last month. An interesting battle in Köln saw the Goats dominate early, but eventually Stuttgart took over, and the hosts were lucky to escape with a point. A wild match saw Bremen (Valdez 2, Micoud, Klasnic) knock off entertaining Mainz (Zidan, Weiland), despite the guests leading 0-2 early - their first goal coming after only 13 seconds!! Valdez, as a replacement for the injured klose, showed with his MOTM performance that he can also be effective as a starter. Hamburg (Trochowski, Barbarez) was lucky against Bielefeld (Boakye), who probably deserved a point. HSV's strategy must be to wait until Rafael van der Vaart comes back next month. Their forwards (Takahara and Ailton) were pretty pitiful. Volkswagen (Klimowicz, Hanke) easily got back on the winning squad against a crap Gladbach squad, for whom only keeper Kasey Keller didn't play like a turd. For the Wolfis, it was the second decent game in a row for Mike Hanke, which is pretty amazing. If his talent was as big as his ego, Jürgen Klinsmann would have the Cup in the bag. However, given the disgraceful way some players like Schalke's Kuranyi are (not) playing, perhaps Hanke will get a call back from Klinsi. In the game nobody cares about, Hannover (Stajner) and Nürnberg (Vittek) shared the points, in what has to be considered a good result for der Club in the relegation struggle.

Team of the Week: none, maybe Nürnberg
Turd of the Weak: none

 


Bayern München 		- 	Bayer Leverkusen 	1:0 (1:0)	69,000 (sold out)
FC Schalke 04 		- 	Borussia Dortmund 	0:0 (0:0)	61,524 (sold out)
Eintracht Frankfurt 	- 	Hertha BSC Berlin 	1:1 (0:1)	30,000
MSV Duisburg 		- 	1. FC Kaiserslautern 	2:2 (1:0)	20,812
1. FC Köln 		- 	VfB Stuttgart 		0:0 (0:0)	47,500
Werder Bremen 		- 	1. FSV Mainz 05 	4:2 (3:2)	37,717
Hamburger SV 		- 	Arminia Bielefeld 	2:1 (0:1)	50,991
VfL Wolfsburg 		- 	Borussia M'gladbach 	2:0 (1:0)	17,936
Hannover 96 		- 	1. FC Nürnberg 		1:1 (0:0)	31,102


 1 	Bayern München 		19 	16 	2 	1 	39:13 	26 	50
 2 	Werder Bremen 		19 	13 	3 	3 	51:23 	28 	42
 3 	Hamburger SV 		19 	12 	5 	2 	31:12 	19 	41
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 4 	FC Schalke 04 		19 	9 	8 	2 	22:12 	10 	35
 5 	Hertha BSC Berlin	19 	7 	7 	5 	29:26 	3 	28
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 6 	VfB Stuttgart 		19 	5 	11 	3 	21:18 	3 	26
 7 	Borussia Dortmund 	19 	6 	7 	6 	26:26 	0 	25
 8 	Borussia M'gladbach 	19 	6 	7 	6 	25:26 	-1 	25
 9 	Hannover 96 		19 	4 	11 	4 	28:25 	3 	23
10 	Bayer Leverkusen 	19 	5 	7 	7 	26:28 	-2 	22
11 	Eintracht Frankfurt 	19 	6 	4 	9 	26:30 	-4 	22
12 	VfL Wolfsburg 		19 	5 	6 	8 	21:32 	-11 	21
13 	Arminia Bielefeld 	19 	5 	5 	9 	22:28 	-6 	20
14 	1. FSV Mainz 05 	19 	5 	4 	10 	30:32 	-2 	19
15 	1. FC Nürnberg 		19 	4 	6 	9 	21:32 	-11 	18
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
16 	MSV Duisburg 		19 	3 	7 	9 	18:33 	-15 	16
17 	1. FC Köln 		19 	3 	4 	12 	26:43 	-17 	13
18 	1. FC Kaiserslautern 	19 	3 	4 	12 	25:48 	-23 	13

2.Liga - 20th round

An easy win for Bochum solidifies their top position, and Aachen stays up as well. Fürth got a nice point at 1860, who continue to suck at home. Crunching win for Saarbrücken, whjo continue their amazing comeback.

 

VfL Bochum 		- 	LR Ahlen 		3:0 (1:0) 	14,286
Sportfr. Siegen 	- 	1. FC Saarbrücken 	0:4 (0:1) 	 7,848
Wacker Burghausen 	- 	Karlsruher SC 		1:1 (0:1) 	 3,500
SC Paderborn 07 	- 	Energie Cottbus 	0:0 (0:0) 	 4,386
Erzgebirge Aue 		- 	SC Freiburg 		1:0 (1:0) 	 9,800
Alemannia Aachen 	- 	SpVgg Unterhaching 	1:0 (0:0) 	18,682
TSV 1860 München 	- 	Greuther Fürth 		2:2 (2:1) 	35,400
Kickers Offenbach 	- 	Dynamo Dresden 		-:- canceled
Eintr. Braunschweig 	- 	Hansa Rostock 		-:- canceled



1 	VfL Bochum 		20 	12 	5 	3 	35:17 	+18 	41
2 	Alemannia Aachen 	20 	12 	2 	6 	38:23 	+15 	38
3 	SpVgg Greuther Fürth 	19 	10 	4 	5 	33:26 	+7 	34
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
4 	Karlsruher SC 		20 	9 	5 	6 	26:22 	+4 	32
5 	SC Freiburg 		20 	9 	4 	7 	26:23 	+3 	31
6 	TSV 1860 München 	20 	8 	6 	6 	29:25 	+4 	30
7 	SC Paderborn 07 	20 	8 	5 	7 	29:19 	+10 	29
8 	Energie Cottbus 	19 	8 	5 	6 	30:24 	+6 	29
9 	Hansa Rostock 		18 	8 	4 	6 	28:23 	+5 	28
10 	Erzgebirge Aue 		20 	7 	7 	6 	18:17 	+1 	28
11 	Wacker Burghausen 	20 	7 	7 	6 	24:29 	-5 	28
12 	SpVgg Unterhaching 	20 	8 	3 	9 	29:27 	+2 	27
13 	Eintr. Braunschweig 	18 	7 	3 	8 	20:20 	 0 	24
14 	Sportfr. Siegen 	20 	5 	5 	10 	22:28 	-6 	20
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
15 	1. FC Saarbrücken 	20 	5 	4 	11 	21:39 	-18 	19
16 	Kickers Offenbach 	19 	5 	2 	12 	19:40 	-21 	17
17 	LR Ahlen 		20 	3 	7 	10 	20:33 	-13 	16
18 	Dynamo Dresden	 	17 	3 	4 	10 	19:31 	-12 	13


January 28, 2006

Bundesliga results, round 18

The Bundesliga was back in full swing, but things immediately get more boring at the top as leaders Bayern München open up a comfortable 8 pt spread. Bayern was impressive, as they won 3-1 at Mönchengladbach, where they had not won in some four tries. Roy Makaay showed he is back in form, with two goals. Meanwhile, despite the presence of "FatBoy" Ailton, HSV stumbled 1-2 at Nürnberg. Bremen took advantage by winning 1-0 at Bielefeld, moving into 2nd place. There were some interesting matches at the bottom, as Jürgen Kohler's debut as Zebra coach was successful, MSV Duisburg stunned a crap VfB Stuttgart 1-0. Also important, Mainz came from behind to overrun 1.FC Köln 4-2. With Kaiserslautern losing 0-2 at home to Schalke, this drops the Goats and Red Devils clearly on the bottom, while Nürnberg and suprisingly, the Zebras, have reawakened hope. Wolfsburg continues in freefall, as they were beaten 3-2 at Dortmund. Actually, the result somewhat flatters the VWs, as Augenthaler's squad was crap and had about three chances in the whole game. Augie has also kicked Argie playmaker Andres D'Alessandro out of the squad, and Gladbach are said to be interested. Dortmund's young players seem to at least indicate that good things are in store - in a couple of years. Hertha put their fans asleep, as seems to be their pattern these days, drawing ho-hum with Hannover.

Team of the Week: Bayern, usally struggles at Gladbach
Turd of the Weak: Stuttgart


Borussia M'gladbach 	- 	Bayern Muenchen		1:3 (0:1) 	54,019 (sold out)	
1. FSV Mainz 05 	- 	1. FC Koeln		4:2 (1:1) 	20,300 (sold out)
VfB Stuttgart 		- 	MSV Duisburg 		0:1 (0:1) 	31,000
1. FC Nuernberg 	- 	Hamburger SV 		2:1 (0:0) 	23,928
Borussia Dortmund 	- 	VfL Wolfsburg 		3:2 (2:1) 	62,500
Bayer Leverkusen 	- 	Eintracht Frankfurt 	2:1 (0:1) 	22,500 (sold out)
Hertha BSC Berlin	- 	Hannover 96 		1:1 (0:1) 	33,740
1. FC Kaiserslautern 	- 	FC Schalke 04 		0:2 (0:1)	35,549
Arminia Bielefeld 	- 	Werder Bremen 		0:1 (0:0) 	24,196


1 	Bayern Muenchen 	18 	15 	2 	1 	38:13 	+25 	47
2 	Werder Bremen 		18 	12 	3 	3 	47:21 	+26 	39
3 	Hamburger SV 		18 	11 	5 	2 	29:11 	+18 	38
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
4 	FC Schalke 04 		18 	9 	7 	2 	22:12 	+10 	34
5 	Hertha BSC 		18 	7 	6 	5 	28:25 	+3 	27
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
6 	VfB Stuttgart 		18 	5 	10 	3 	21:18 	+3 	25
7 	Borussia M'gladbach 	18 	6 	7 	5 	25:24 	+1 	25
8 	Borussia Dortmund 	18 	6 	6 	6 	26:26 	 0 	24
9 	Hannover 96 		18 	4 	10 	4 	27:24 	+3 	22
10 	Bayer Leverkusen 	18 	5 	7 	6 	26:27 	-1 	22
11 	Eintracht Frankfurt 	18 	6 	3 	9 	25:29 	-4 	21
12 	Arminia Bielefeld 	18 	5 	5 	8 	21:26 	-5 	20
13 	1. FSV Mainz 05 	18 	5 	4 	9 	28:28 	 0 	19
14 	VfL Wolfsburg 		18 	4 	6 	8 	19:32 	-13 	18
15 	1. FC Nuernberg		18 	4 	5 	9 	20:31 	-11 	17
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
16 	MSV Duisburg 		18 	3 	6 	9 	16:31 	-15 	15
17 	1. FC Koeln 		18 	3 	3 	12 	26:43 	-17 	12
18 	1. FC Kaiserslautern 	18 	3 	3 	12 	23:46 	-23 	12


2.Liga results, Round 19

Cold weather continued at the restart, but at least no matches were snowed out this time. A huge win for Bochum, as their top clash with Cottbus results in them getting some air at the top. Cottbus actually outplayed the Blues, and even missed a penalty. A dissapointing crowd of only 7600 then witnessed Bochum steal the points with a late Fabio Junior goal. Aachen and Fürth have a game in hand, and could also grab some space in the promotion battle. Austrian legend Walter Schachner has taken over 1860, but their inconsistent results continue, as they got dumped 1-3 at Rostock. At the bottom, Ahlen made a good start with an emphatic win over Braunschweig, and Saarbrücken continued their revival with a point. Dynamo Dresden is dead last, and they will need some decent results from their makeup matches to get back in the hunt.


1. FC Saarbruecken 	- 	SC Paderborn 07 	0:0 (0:0)	 5,700
Erzgebirge Aue 		- 	Wacker Burghausen 	1:1 (0:0) 	 9,300
SC Freiburg 		- 	Dynamo Dresden 		1:0 (0:0) 	12,000
SpVgg Unterhaching 	- 	Sportfr. Siegen 	2:1 (1:1)	 2,600
Energie Cottbus 	- 	VfL Bochum 		0:1 (0:0) 	 7,600
LR Ahlen 		- 	Eintr. Braunschweig 	3:0 (3:0) 	 4,600
Hansa Rostock 		- 	TSV 1860 Muenchen	3:1 (1:0) 	14,000
Greuther Fuerth 	- 	Kickers Offenbach 	2:0 (2:0) 	 6,100
Karlsruher SC 		- 	Alemannia Aachen	(monday)


1 	VfL Bochum 		19 	11 	5 	3 	32:17 	+15 	38
2 	Alemannia Aachen 	18 	11 	2 	5 	36:21 	+15 	35
3 	SpVgg Greuther Fuerth	18  	10 	3 	5 	31:24 	+7 	33
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
4 	SC Freiburg	 	19 	9 	4 	6 	26:22 	+4 	31
5 	TSV 1860 Muenchen 	19 	8 	5 	6 	27:23 	+4 	29
6 	SC Paderborn 07 	19 	8 	4 	7 	29:19 	+10 	28
7 	Energie Cottbus 	18 	8 	4 	6 	30:24 	+6 	28
8 	Hansa Rostock 		18 	8 	4 	6 	28:23 	+5 	28
9 	Karlsruher SC 		18 	8 	4 	6 	23:20 	+3 	28
10 	SpVgg Unterhaching 	19 	8 	3 	8 	29:26 	+3 	27
11 	Wacker Burghausen 	19 	7 	6 	6 	23:28 	-5 	27
12 	Erzgebirge Aue 		19 	6 	7 	6 	17:17 	 0 	25
13 	Eintr. Braunschweig 	18 	7 	3 	8 	20:20 	 0 	24
14 	Sportfr. Siegen 	19 	5 	5 	9 	22:24 	-2 	20
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
15 	Kickers Offenbach 	19 	5 	2 	12 	19:40 	-21 	17
16 	LR Ahlen 		19 	3 	7 	9 	20:30 	-10 	16
17 	1. FC Saarbruecken 	19 	4 	4 	11 	17:39 	-22 	16
18 	Dynamo Dresden 		17 	3 	4 	10 	19:31 	-12 	13


January 26, 2006

Na endlich!

At last, the Bundesliga starts up again this weekend!! No more watching Serie A lowlights because you forgot to refill your sleeping pill prescription! Lots of interesting developments. Fatboy is back (see below), MSV Duisburg has signed South Korean Jung-Hwan Ahn, who did all soccer fans a service when he eliminated Italy in the 2002 World Cup. Speaking of elimination, Rene Jäggi, who was supposed to have resigned a few months back, has decided he will stay on as President of 1.FC Kaiserlslautern until season end. Apparently he wants K-town to get the full benefit of his incompetance and set the club up for another brilliant rebirth from the 2.Liga. Wolfsburg brought in Dutchman Rick Hoogendorp in a desperate attempt to partner Diego Klimowicz up front and reverse the bitch-slapping they've been receiving.

DFB Cup Quarterfinals

The sensation of the round saw FC St.Pauli stun Werder Bremen 3-1 in front of a delirious crowd at the Millerntor. The field looked more appropriate for cross country skiing, but there was no doubting the Paulistas resolve and they outfought the lame Werder squad. This may be costly for Bremen in more ways than one, as delicate Miroslav Klose fell down and injured himself again. St.Pauli is in the running for promotion in the Regionalliga Nord, but this victory will certainly be long remembered. In other matches, Bayern München snuck past FSV Mainz 3-2, Eintracht Frankfurt continued their fine form, beating 3-1 at 1860 and Bielfeld struggled, but prevailed against Kickers Offenbach, 4-2 after overtime.

In the draw for the semi-finals, the Millerntor will be rockin again as St.Pauli will face off against Bayern München!

Fatboy back!

In a stunning move, Hamburger SV swooped in and picked up legendary fatboy Ailton from his exile in Turkey, from where he had been trying desperately to escape. Given that HSV's frontline has trouble hitting the side of a barn, this just might pay dividends as they try and reach for the sky, or at least a Champions League spot. Well, the Brazilian IS about the size of a barn, come to think of it. But seriously, Lauth, Takahara and Mpenza don;'t exactly scare anybody, and the only real threats are midfielders Van der vaart and Barbarez. So even if Ailton can latch on to his crap form from Schalke (where he managed 14 goals), this could be a clever move. Besides, there are now bound to more interesting stories in Bild-Zeitung.

Zweite Liga action

The 2.Liga actually has already started up, although a couple of matches were snowed out. 1860 continued their horrible home performance with another lame result. If they played all their matches on the road, they'd probably be sailing back to the Bundesliga. The big winners were Aachen and Bochum, which have at least assured that they will remain at the top through the weekend.



TSV 1860 München 	- 	LR Ahlen 		0:0 (0:0)
Alemannia Aachen 	- 	Erzgebirge Aue 		3:1 (1:0)
Wacker Burghausen 	- 	SC Freiburg 		2:1 (1:0)
Kickers Offenbach 	- 	Hansa Rostock	 	1:3 (1:1) 
VfL Bochum 		- 	1. FC Saarbrücken 	3:0 (1:0) 	
SC Paderborn 07 	- 	SpVgg Unterhaching 	1:1 (0:0) 



1 	Alemannia Aachen	18 	11 	2 	5 	36:21 	+15 	35
2 	VfL Bochum 		18 	10 	5 	3 	31:17 	+14 	35
3 	Greuther Fürth 		17 	9 	3 	5 	29:24 	+5 	30
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
4 	1860 München 		18 	8 	5 	5 	26:20 	+6 	29
5 	Energie Cottbus 	17 	8 	4 	5 	30:23 	+7 	28
6 	SC Freiburg 		18 	8 	4 	6 	25:22 	+3 	28
7 	Karlsruher SC 		18 	8 	4 	6 	23:20 	+3 	28
8 	SC Paderborn 07 	18 	8 	3 	7 	29:19 	+10 	27
9 	Wacker Burghausen 	18 	7 	5 	6 	22:27 	-5 	26
10 	Hansa Rostock 		17 	7 	4 	6 	25:22 	+3 	25
11 	Eintr. Braunschweig 	17 	7 	3 	7 	20:17 	+3 	24
12 	SpVgg Unterhaching 	18 	7 	3 	8 	27:25 	+2 	24
13 	Erzgebirge Aue 		18 	6 	6 	6 	16:16 	 0 	24
14 	Sportfr. Siegen 	18 	5 	5 	8 	21:22 	-1 	20
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
15 	Kickers Offenbach 	18 	5 	2 	11 	19:38 	-19 	17
16 	1. FC Saarbrücken 	18 	4 	3 	11 	17:39 	-22 	15
17 	Dynamo Dresden 		16 	3 	4 	9 	19:30 	-11 	13
18 	LR Ahlen 		18 	2 	7 	9 	17:30 	-13 	13

Eschborn am Ende?

Regionalliga-Süd club 1.FC Eschborn may on the verge of collpase - permanently. A potential sponsor withdrew his support, and the club has been forced into bankruptcy application. A court appointed administrator is currently examining the books, and will decide if the club can continue or even be liquidated. They should soon know if all league matches will be forfeited. Although the club and head coach (ex-schalke star Klaus Scheer) hope for the best, apparently the players have thrown in the towel and willing to quit. Well, that spirit would certainly help in the relegation battle.


January 6, 2006

New coaches found

Most of the clubs that had head coach openings have managed to fill them during the winterbreak. Vfl Wolfsburg signed up Klaus Augenthaler. He's been around, and was in fact fired by Bayer Aspirin earlier this season. His reputation is that of a hard-ass, which is probably what the Volkswagens need. MSV Duisburg pulled somewhat of a surprise and picked Jürgen Kohler, who has no real head coach experience, unless you consider the German U21 squad. There shouldn't be much pressure however, since everybody knows that the Zebras are going down. Schalke ended up with a complete surprise. While most pundits expected a "name" coach, the club chose Mirko Slomka, who has been working as an assistant for a couple of seasons. This may reflect the alleged power struggle going on at the club betwenn Andreas Müller and Rudi Assauer. Finally, 1.FC Köln shocked everybody as well, by bringing in Swiss coach Hanspeter Latour from Grasshoppers Zürich. This seems like a goofy move from a club that doesn't have a clue of where it's going. Köln even had to pay Grasshoppers for the privilege.


December 25, 2005

Bundesliga Mid season Review

Merry Xmas, Here is Abseits halfway review. In general, it's been quite an interesting season. Although Bayern looks likely to repeat, there are a few teams that could still contend, and overall, play has been good. The league contends to set attendance records, with Dortmund's 75,000 average leading the way.

Note that the "Grades" represent performance relative to preseason expectations. Obviously standings is more indicative of performance, but we wanted to take in consideration the overall strength and expectations of the team. Clubs like Duisburg and Mainz are expected to be near the top, and Bayern or Schalke want to win the title.

1 Bayern München 17 14 2 1 35:12 +23 44

Bayern has played unspectacular, but very efficient and effective football. Indeed, their half-mark record represents their best start ever. This despite several players going into slumps, their depth allowed them to push forward seemlessly. For example, Roy Makaay got off to a roaring start, scoring a bunch of goals in his first few matches. Then he couldn't hit the side of a barn. But players like Pizarro (7 goals) and newcomer Ali Karimi picked up the slack. In general, old fart Olli Kahn has played fairly decently, but Lucio and Sagnol have been largely responsible for the solid defense. There doesn't appear to be anyone that can take the title from Bayern. They've done everything right to grind out the points, and they've been pretty decent in Euro play, so it's pretty hard to find fault.

Grade: A

2 Hamburger SV 17 11 5 1 28:9 +19 38

HSV has been one of the early surprises of the Bundesliga season. Newcomer Rafael van der Vaart has been the brilliant catalyst that has seen HSV scale the heights. Oldtimers Stefan Beinlich and Sergej Barbarez have been very effective, and the defense has been the best in the league, with Belgian captain Daniel Van Buyten one of the outstanding team leaders. A dark cloud is van der Vaart's injury, so the winterbreak comes at a good time.

Grade: A

3 Werder Bremen 17 11 3 3 46:21 +25 36

Bremen is probably the most exciting team in the Bundesliga. The attack has been superb, with German international Miroslav Klose leading the league with 16 strikes. His partner, Croatian Ivan Klasnic had 8 goals, although he missed several matches with injury. The midfielders, led by French playmaker Jon Micoud and German internationals Tim Borowski and Torsten Frings has been dominant in most matches. The defense has been shaky at times. Youngsters Owomoyela and Naldo have been impressive, but mostly going forward.

Grade: A

4 FC Schalke 04 17 8 7 2 20:12 +8 31

Schalke blow-hard General manager Rudi Assauer and the fans certainly expected Schalke to challenge for the title, and if one were to say to them before the season that Schalke would only lose twice by the halfway mark, they would probably be pretty happy. So why has Schalke sucked? Largely because they've given up too many draws, and they've been largely unimpressive in their (usually) difficult wins. High priced signing Kevin Kuranyi has been rather disappointing (7 goals) and nobody has really looked stunning. Their best field player has probably been Brazilian defender Bordon. Midfielder Lincoln has not matched last season's play, and "stars" like Asamoah have been crap. Generally, they've all been either listless or incompetant. In any case, Schalke can forget about the title and has to hope to sneak in the Champions League, although they've clearly got a hill to climb.

Grade: B-

5 Hertha BSC Berlin 17 7 5 5 27:24 +3 26

Unless things change radically, Hertha is going nowhere. They've relied on Brazilian playmaker Marcelinho to carry them, and he has been less than his usual spectacular this season, so they're really not that good. Striker Pantelic is annoying everybody by missing sitters and then whining all the time at the ref.

Grade: B-

6 VfB Stuttgart 17 5 10 2 21:17 +4 25

Stuttgart probably expected to be doing better, but it was pretty clear they were listless and uninspired under new coach Giovanni Trappatoni. High priced signings Jon-Dahl Tomasson and Jesper Gronkjaer looked crap. Although they were collecting points, they looked pretty lame, like a ho-hum Serie A squad, incredibly boring. However, they do appear to have a considerable upside, as the team seems to be adjusting to Trap's strategy, and they have looked more effective in the last few matches, and Tomasson is beginning to justify his signing (Gronkjaer is still crap, but he's merely continuing the form he showed in England and Spain). They should raise their grade considerably if they continue, so by the end of the season, expect a solid "B".

Grade: C

7 Borussia M'gladbach 17 6 7 4 24:21 +3 25

Gladbach has been very inconsisent, except for GK Kasey Keller, who has been very good. Forward Oliver Neuville has 7 goals, but has been disappeared half the time. Head coach Horst Köppel has done a decent job in what must be a frustrating role in getting something out of this squad.

Grade: B-

8 Hannover 96 17 4 9 4 26:23 +3 21

Hannover started out well, with a solid defense anchored by GK Robert Enke, but things started falling apart later in the season. With top defender, the young German international Per Mertesacker going under the knife, things may remain shaky. 96 will want more production from forwards Vahid Hashemian and veteran Thomas Brdaric. Grade: B

9 Borussia Dortmund 17 5 6 6 23:24 -1 21

Dortmund is hard to rate, as this club has been overshadowed by the financial straight jacket. Then critical injuries, for example to striker Jan Koller, dealt further blows. Nevertheless, they found strength to surprise a lot of folks. Ebi Smolarek filled in for Koller, and notched 11 goals, and youngters like the sensational Nuri Sahin contributed to the youngest ever Bundesliga squad, only 22 years on average. They've played like the inexperienced squad they are, but have shown that with more playing time, they have the nucleus of a solid team.

Grade: C

10 Eintracht Frankfurt 17 6 3 8 24:27 -3 21

Frankfurt got off to a horrible start and looked like sure relegation material, but in the last several games have shown some impressive performances, especially for long time 2.Liga "cult" player, Francisco Copado. Jermaine Jones has also played well, but can't score (1 goal). 10th place has to be considered an excellent campaign for them.

Grade: B

11 Arminia Bielefeld 17 5 5 7 21:25 -4 20

Bielefeld has generally impressed, but their decent start has wilted away. They're pretty tough to beat and look safe, but probably raised hopes a bit too much in the first part. South African forward Zuma has probably been their best player so far.

Grade: C

12 Bayer Leverkusen 17 4 7 6 24:26 -2 19

The Aspirins certainly expected to be contending for at least a Champions League spot, but they've generally sucked, although they occasionally rise to the occasion. They appear to be in one of their usual slumps that often follows several decent seasons. On paper, they would seem to have decent players, like Bernd Schneider, Dimitar Berbatov, Carsten Ramelow, etc. but only GK Jörg Butt even ranks in the top 70 players so far. With a head coach like Michael Skibbe, who has been unsuccessful in his last couple of jobs, it's unclear that they can improve.

Grade: D

13 VfL Wolfsburg 17 4 6 7 17:29 -12 18

Wolfsburg got off to a good start, but since then have gotten their ass pounded. Excellent GK Simon Jentzsch must feel like at target practice at times. A bright spot has been Argie poacher Diego Klimowicz (9 goals), but fellow Argie Andres D'Alessandro has disappeared from too many games, and their playmaking has suffered. They're probably too good to be relegated, but next season could be tough if they don't shape up.

Grade: D

14 1. FSV Mainz 05 17 4 4 9 24:26 -2 16

Mainz sucked at the start, so just about everybody but their coach Jürgen Klopp and their fans wrote them off. But surprise!, they've come back from the dead, and another Bundesliga season is a real possibility.

Grade: C

15 1. FC Nürnberg 17 3 5 9 18:30 -12 14

Certainly "der Club" expected better, and to be honest, after their crap play, everybody including Abseits had written them off. With last year's scoring champ Marek Mintal out, they were toothless lions and looked like turds. But they did get the "fire-your-coach" boost, and replacement Hans Meyer has apparently kicked some butts. Now if promising young forward Stefan Kiessling (6 goals) can combine with a returning Mintal, they might be on to something. The result is that FCN now has a chance to survive.

Grade: D+

16 1. FC Köln 17 3 3 11 24:39 -15 12

Köln got off to a fast start, and everybody was swooning over them, but in reality, they are emperors without clothes; they suck. They fire their coach and manager, and then bring in someone lame like Rolf Rüssmann as general manager. Presumably they'll get aroud to hiring a head coach during the winterbreak. They'll need a huge second half from wonderboy Lukas Podolski to save themselves.

Grade: D-

17 MSV Duisburg 17 2 6 9 15:31 -16 12

Everybody knew Duisburg would suck, as they were lucky to get in the Bundesliga, and their squad of nobodies is simply not good enough. So it's hard to give them too low a grade, because they don't have much to work with. There don't appear to be too many bright spots, as the squad is basically 2.Liga. GK Georg Koch has been solid, in fact ranked tops among all Bundesliga keepers, and Moroccan forward Ahanfouf has looked good at times (5 goals), although he wastes too many chances.

Grade: D

18 1. FC Kaiserslautern 17 3 3 11 23:44 -21 12

There is one bright spot. Halil Altintop is second only to Bremen's Klose with 13 goals. They fired their coach and manager, but then hired Nürnberg's canned Wolfgang Wolf, which surely indicates that management has no clue. If they survive, it will only be because of the dedication of some of Germany's most loyal fans.

Grade: F


December 22, 2005

Lucrative TV and Sponsorship Deals

The DFL (Deutsche Fussball-Liga, the organization that controls the Bundesliga and 2.Liga) has just concluded relatively lucrative TV contracts. After the collapse of the Kirch-Media group a couple of years ago, the TV deals seemed to be in jeopardy, but strong fan interest has seemingly allowed the DFL to recover. Starting 2006-07, a mix of Pay-TV (Arena), and free TV cable/satellite (DSF) and state run stations ARD and ZDF will bring the matches to TV. For the rights, the 36 clubs will get about 420 million euros a year. (The bulk of which obviously goes to the 18 Bundesliga clubs). This represents a gain of about 120 million over the existing contract. The next negotiations the DFL hopes to conclude is for the "naming rights", which previously hadn't been accomplished. (This would be similar to the "Barclay's English Premiership", and hopefully not something lame like Portugal's "www.betandwin.com Liga" ). Interested parties include CitiBank and Deutsche Telekomm, but apparently the front runner is the German railways, Deutsche Bahn. The DFL is demanding 50 million euros a year for the naming rights. We recommend that the DFL choose something like the "Beate-Uhse-Bundesliga". Just think of all the lucrative co-sponsorship deals. Plus St.Pauli would have to be automatically promoted...

Nowotny back?

Apparently Bayer Leverkusen has re-thought their position regards injured defender Jens Nowotny. The stalwart German international had been "fired" for daring to sue the club for wages in a messy legal case. Now tin-pot dictator Business Manager Wolfgang Holzhäuser and Nowotny's attorneys have apparently come to a deal, where Nowotny is reinstated and drops the lawsuit. In addition, he is to be allowed to leave the club at the end of the season on a free transfer. Both sides appear to be happy, since Nowotny wants to play, and Leverkusen has been so crap recently they could use another player.

Cup results

The final 16 of the DFB-Pokal saw some interesting results, as the lower ranked clubs acquited themselves quite well, and all the matches were hard fought, tight games. The sensation was probably 3rd division St.Pauli knocking out Hertha BSC 4-3 on overtime, in front of a raucous sold out crowd at the Millerntor. The only one-sided match was Bremen's domination of Hannover.


Arminia Bielefeld   - SpVgg Unterhaching	2:0
SC Freiburg         - TSV 1860 München	1:3 aet
1.FC Kaiserslautern - FSV Mainz 05	        3:4 aet
Eintracht Frankfurt - 1.FC Nürnberg	4:1 pen
Hannover 96         - Werder Bremen		1:4
FC St.Pauli         - Hertha BSC Berlin		4:3 aet
Hansa Rostock       - Kickers Offenbach		3:4 pen
Bayern München - Hamburger SV		1:0


December 19, 2005

League wrap - winterbreak

The German leagues went into hibernation for the winter after finishing this weekend. Bayern seized control of the situation, as they won a hard match against arch-rival Dortmund while Schalke sucked eggs. Meanwhile, Bremen and Hamburg delivered an exciting Nordderby, and get nothing to show for it.

Team of the Week: Bayern München, ruthlessly taking advantage of others dropping points

Turd of the Weak: Wolfswagen, Köln, take your pick


Bundesliga, Round 17:

Bayer Leverkusen 	- 	Hannover 96 		0:0 (0:0) 	
Borussia M'gladbach 	- 	Eintracht Frankfurt 	4:3 (1:2) 	
Borussia Dortmund 	- 	Bayern München 		1:2 (0:0) 	
1. FC Kaiserslautern 	- 	VfL Wolfsburg 		3:2 (1:0) 	
VfB Stuttgart	 	- 	FC Schalke 04 		2:0 (0:0) 	
1. FSV Mainz 05 	- 	MSV Duisburg 		1:1 (1:0) 	
Arminia Bielefeld 	- 	1. FC Köln 		3:2 (0:1) 	
Hertha BSC Berlin 	- 	1. FC Nürnberg 		1:1 (0:0) 	
Werder Bremen 		- 	Hamburger SV 		1:1 (1:0) 	



 1 	Bayern München 		17 	14 	2 	1 	35:12 	+23 	44
 2 	Hamburger SV 		17 	11 	5 	1 	28:9 	+19 	38
 3 	Werder Bremen 		17 	11 	3 	3 	46:21 	+25 	36
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 4 	FC Schalke 04 		17 	8 	7 	2 	20:12 	+8 	31
 5 	Hertha BSC Berlin 	17 	7 	5 	5 	27:24 	+3 	26
 6 	VfB Stuttgart 		17 	5 	10 	2 	21:17 	+4 	25
 7 	Borussia M'gladbach 	17 	6 	7 	4 	24:21 	+3 	25
 8 	Hannover 96 		17 	4 	9 	4 	26:23 	+3 	21
 9 	Borussia Dortmund 	17 	5 	6 	6 	23:24 	-1 	21
10 	Eintracht Frankfurt 	17 	6 	3 	8 	24:27 	-3 	21
11 	Arminia Bielefeld 	17 	5 	5 	7 	21:25 	-4 	20
12 	Bayer Leverkusen 	17 	4 	7 	6 	24:26 	-2 	19
13 	VfL Wolfsburg 		17 	4 	6 	7 	17:29 	-12 	18
14 	1. FSV Mainz 05 	17 	4 	4 	9 	24:26 	-2 	16
15 	1. FC Nürnberg 		17 	3 	5 	9 	18:30 	-12 	14
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
16 	1. FC Köln 		17 	3 	3 	11 	24:39 	-15 	12
17 	MSV Duisburg 		17 	2 	6 	9 	15:31 	-16 	12
18 	1. FC Kaiserslautern 	17 	3 	3 	11 	23:44 	-21 	12


In the Zweite Liga, things remain topsy-turvy. Surprise break leader is Aachen, and 1860 once again laid a turd on their fans with yet another scandalous home performance. But wityh everything all bunched up, a short run takes you to the top. They just need more away games. At the bottom, Saarbr¨cken's revival continues to be the story, as they stole a victory at Braunschweig. The next leap, out of relegation, will be much harder, but since everybody had eliminated the Saarländers only a few weeks ago, the turnaround is amazing. The "eastern ex-commie solidarity bash" between Dresden and Rostock was called off because of a snowstorm that buried Dresden under several feet of snow. But the real reason is probably the authorities didn't want to deal with all the hooligans that would probably be the only folks showing up. And given Dresden's total collapse, there would have been bitter "fans" indeed.


2.Liga

VfL Bochum 		- 	SpVgg Unterhaching 	1:0 (0:0) 	
SpVgg Greuther Fürth 	- 	SC Freiburg 		1:2 (0:2) 	
TSV 1860 München 	- 	Energie Cottbus 	2:3 (1:1) 	
Alemannia Aachen 	- 	SVW Burghausen 		2:0 (2:0) 	
Eintr. Braunschweig 	- 	1. FC Saarbrücken 	1:2 (0:0) 	
Kickers Offenbach 	- 	LR Ahlen 		0:3 (0:1) 		
Dynamo Dresden 		- 	Hansa Rostock 		-:- 		canceled
SC Paderborn 07 	- 	Karlsruher SC 		2:0 (0:0) 	
Sportfr. Siegen 	- 	Erzgebirge Aue 		-:- 		(Thu, 22.12.05)



 1 	Alemannia Aachen 	17 	10 	2 	5 	33:20 	13 	32
 2 	VfL Bochum	 	17 	9 	5 	3 	28:17 	11 	32
 3 	Greuther Fürth 		17 	9 	3 	5 	29:24 	5 	30
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 4 	Energie Cottbus 	17 	8 	4 	5 	30:23 	7 	28
 5 	TSV 1860 München 	17 	8 	4 	5 	26:20 	6 	28
 6 	SC Freiburg 		17 	8 	4 	5 	24:20 	4 	28
 7 	Karlsruher SC	 	17 	8 	3 	6 	23:20 	3 	27
 8 	SC Paderborn 07 	17 	8 	2 	7 	28:18 	10 	26
 9 	Eintr. Braunschweig 	17 	7 	3 	7 	20:17 	3 	24
10 	SpVgg Unterhaching 	17 	7 	2 	8 	26:24 	2 	23
11 	SVW Burghausen 		17 	6 	5 	6 	20:26 	-6 	23
12 	Hansa Rostock 		16 	6 	4 	6 	22:21 	1 	22
13 	Erzgebirge Aue 		16 	5 	6 	5 	14:13 	1 	21
14 	Sportfr. Siegen 	16 	5 	4 	7 	21:21 	0 	19
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
15 	Kickers Offenbach 	17 	5 	2 	10 	18:35 	-17 	17
16 	1. FC Saarbrücken 	17 	4 	3 	10 	17:36 	-19 	15
17 	Dynamo Dresden 		16 	3 	4 	9 	19:30 	-11 	13
18 	LR Ahlen 		17 	2 	6 	9 	17:30 	-13 	12


New management at Volkswagen, Eau de Cologne

Vfl Wolfsburg's must have gotten the word from owners VW that the current rot that sees the Wolfis in freefall must be stopped now. So they fired General Manager Thomas Strunz (whose wife was once stolen by Stefan Effenberg) and field boss, head coach Holger Fach, who had been booted out of Gladbach not long ago. There was an interesting twist in Strunz' firing. Apparently Slovakian midfielder Miroslav Karhan was warming up for some 25 minutes, preparing to go in. Then at halftime, he was told to warmup. Karhan supposedly said "I don't feel like it." Strunz (and Bild-Zeitung) were outraged, declaring karhan to be the laziest ass in the Bundesliga. Meanwhile Karhan stated he simply said "Why? I'm already warmed up." But Strunz was determined to get the Slovakian fired at the board meeting - but lo and behold, his own ass got tossed. Also, Köln apparently decided that head coach Uwe Rapoldder was crap and dumped his ass.


December 14, 2005

Make up matches

Eintracht Frankfurt's recovery continues, as they moved into 9th place with a 2-1 away win at Kaiserslautern. Weissenberger and Copado scored in the 2nd half, and the Eagles easily controlled the match, despite a desperate closing by the Devils. For Francisco Copado, it continues a nice run of form. The Spaniard was a long serving 2.Liga stalwart, but never had much of a Bundesliga impact.

Speaking of the 2.Liga, bottom feaders were in action. First, last place 1.FC Saarbrücken had a thumping 5-1 crunching of Dynamo Dresden. This was their first home victory, and comes after a decent 0-0 against 1860 on the weekend. Perhaps coach Rudi Bommer's belief that all is not hopeless is filtering through to the players as well. It's still a longshot, but the team is playing decent. Meanwhile, Dresden has fallen apart and looks liek they really need the winterbreak. In the other match, Hansa Rostock had an important 3-1 away win against the new bottom club, LR Ahlen. Looks like Ahlen's run from the lower leagues is arrested and they are on their way out.


December 11, 2005

Managers raus!

In one of the strangest developments this season, Schalke has fired head coach Ralf Rangnick. The Blues have been somewhat disappointing, but not totally crap. However, the reason is that after the Mainz match, Rangnick thanked the fans for their support and announced that he was quitting by season's end. The shocked Schalke directors, led by his enemy Rudi Assauer, then fired his ass immediately. The interim boss will now be goalkeeper coach Oliver Reck. Speculation is rife as to the permanent posting, with ex-manager Huub Stevens and Matthias Sammer two of most frequently mentioned. Also, Ottmar Hitzfeld's name always pops up whenever there is a big club vacancy.

This makes Rangnick the 6th manager to get the sack, after Klaus Augenthaler (Bayer Leverkusen), Wolfgang Wolf (1. FC Nürnberg), Ewald Lienen (Hannover 96), Michael Henke (1. FC Kaiserslautern) and recently Norbert Meier (MSV Duisburg)

League wrapup

Mostly hard fought battles this week, where most of the lower clubs gave good accounts of themselves. Bayern needed a Roy Makaay penalty to sneak past the recently totally crap Kaiserslautern. The Devils should at least be bolstered for their midweek makeup clash with Frankfurt. bayern meanwhile has secured the mythical "Herbstmeisterschaft", which is basically the lead at the half-way mark. Bremen kept up the pressure with a thorough thumping of a sinking Köln, and Hamburg got a critical win over Hertha, despite the absence of key players like van der Vaart (out for two months) and Jarolim (banned). Frankfurt got another fine result, showing a good recovery over the last few weeks, and climbing out of the depths. Nürnberg also considered their improvement under new boss Hans Meyer. Duisburg's inability to defeat fellow relegation battler Bielfeld is a sure indication that the Zebras don't have what it takes, and are going down.

Team of the Week: Werder Bremen, good result, plus Champions League surprise

Turd of the Weak: 1.FC Köln, getting slapped silly. Dishonorable mention to VW.


Bundesliga, Round 16:

MSV Duisburg 		- 	Arminia Bielefeld 	1:1 (1:0)
FC Schalke 04 		- 	1. FSV Mainz 05 	1:0 (0:0)
Hamburger SV 		- 	Hertha BSC Berlin 	2:1 (2:0)
VfL Wolfsburg 		- 	VfB Stuttgart 		0:1 (0:0)
1. FC Nürnberg 		- 	Bayer Leverkusen 	1:1 (1:1)
Eintracht Frankfurt 	- 	Borussia Dortmund 	2:0 (1:0)
Hannover 96 		- 	Borussia M'gladbach 	1:1 (0:0)
1. FC Köln 		- 	Werder Bremen 		1:4 (1:1)
Bayern München 		- 	1. FC Kaiserslautern 	2:1 (1:1)

1. FC Kaiserslautern 	- 	Eintracht Frankfurt	-:-	(makeup, Wed, 14.12.05) 



 1 	Bayern München	 	16 	13 	2 	1 	33:11 	+22 	41
 2 	Hamburger SV 		16 	11 	4 	1 	27:8 	+19 	37
 3 	Werder Bremen 		16 	11 	2 	3 	45:20 	+25 	35
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 4 	FC Schalke 04 		16 	8 	7 	1 	20:10 	+10 	31
 5 	Hertha BSC Berlin	16 	7 	4 	5 	26:23 	+3 	25
 6 	Borussia M'gladbach 	16 	5 	7 	4 	20:18 	+2 	22
 7 	VfB Stuttgart 		16 	4 	10 	2 	19:17 	+2 	22
 8 	Borussia Dortmund 	16 	5 	6 	5 	22:22 	 0 	21
 9 	Hannover 96 		16 	4 	8 	4 	26:23 	+3 	20
10 	Bayer Leverkusen 	16 	4 	6 	6 	24:26 	-2 	18
11 	Eintracht Frankfurt 	15 	5 	3 	7 	19:22 	-3 	18
12 	VfL Wolfsburg 		16 	4 	6 	6 	15:26 	-11 	18
13 	Arminia Bielefeld 	16 	4 	5 	7 	18:23 	-5 	17
14 	1. FSV Mainz 05 	16 	4 	3 	9 	23:25 	-2 	15
15 	1. FC Nürnberg 		16 	3 	4 	9 	17:29 	-12 	13
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
16 	1. FC Köln 		16 	3 	3 	10 	22:36 	-14 	12
17 	MSV Duisburg 		16 	2 	5 	9 	14:30 	-16 	11
18 	1. FC Kaiserslautern 	15 	2 	3 	10 	19:40 	-21 	9



2.Liga

Hansa Rostock 		- 	Greuther Fürth	 	1:2 (0:1) 	
LR Ahlen 		- 	Dynamo Dresden 		0:0 (0:0) 	
Erzgebirge Aue 		- 	SC Paderborn 07 	1:0 (1:0) 	
Energie Cottbus 	- 	Kickers Offenbach 	1:2 (0:1) 	
1. FC Saarbrücken 	- 	1860 München 		0:0 (0:0) 	
SVW Burghausen 		- 	Sportfr. Siegen 	1:0 (1:0) 	
SpVgg Unterhaching 	- 	Eintr. Braunschweig 	1:0 (1:0) 	
Karlsruher SC 		- 	VfL Bochum 		4:2 (1:1) 	 	
SC Freiburg 		- 	Alem. Aachen 		-:- 	

LR Ahlen 		- 	Hansa Rostock 		-:-	(makeup, Wed. 14.12) 		
1. FC Saarbrücken 	- 	Dynamo Dresden 		-:- 	(makeup, Wed. 14.12)



 1 	SpVgg Greuther Fürth 	16 	9 	3 	4 	28:22 	6 	30
 2 	VfL Bochum	 	16 	8 	5 	3 	27:17 	10 	29
 3 	TSV 1860 München 	16 	8 	4 	4 	24:17 	7 	28
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 4 	Karlsruher SC	 	16 	8 	3 	5 	23:18 	5 	27
 5 	Alemannia Aachen 	15 	8 	2 	5 	29:20 	9 	26
 6 	Energie Cottbus 	16 	7 	4 	5 	27:21 	6 	25
 7 	SC Freiburg	 	15 	7 	4 	4 	22:17 	5 	25
 8 	Eintr. Braunschweig 	16 	7 	3 	6 	19:15 	4 	24
 9 	SC Paderborn 07 	16 	7 	2 	7 	26:18 	8 	23
10 	SpVgg Unterhaching 	16 	7 	2 	7 	26:23 	3 	23
11 	SVW Burghausen 		16 	6 	5 	5 	20:24 	-4 	23
12 	Erzgebirge Aue 		16 	5 	6 	5 	14:13 	1 	21
13 	Sportfr. Siegen 	16 	5 	4 	7 	21:21 	0 	19
14 	Hansa Rostock 		15 	5 	4 	6 	19:20 	-1 	19
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
15 	Kickers Offenbach 	16 	5 	2 	9 	18:32 	-14 	17
16 	Dynamo Dresden 		15 	3 	4 	8 	18:25 	-7 	13
17 	LR Ahlen 		15 	1 	6 	8 	13:27 	-14 	9
18 	1. FC Saarbrücken 	15 	2 	3 	10 	10:34 	-24 	9



December 7, 2005

Schalke out of Champions League, Werder lives

Schalke was dumped out of the Champions League as they lost 3-2 at AC Milan. As a consolation, they continue on in the UEFA Cup. The Blues gave a good effort, but overall Milan was the better team. Werder Bremen on the other hand got a minor miracle. They first thumped Panathinakos 5-1, Miroslav Klose playing (and scoring) with his plastic mask in his first match since breaking his cheekbone against Barcelona. However, the Catalans must have felt bad about it, and did Werder a huge favor: they defeated Udinese and thereby put Bremen through to the next round! Bayern München was already qualified and were held to a hum-drum 1-1 at Brügge.

Coach, player apply for Italian football positions

The MSV Duisburg-1.FC Köln makeup match ended 1-1. However the highlight was undoubtedly the actions of Duisburg manager Norbert Meier. His acting job must have been an audition for a Serie A position. Late in the match, Meier and Köln forward Albert Streit had "words". In fact they were toe-to-toe in each others face, foreheads touching. Then Meier made his move and attempted to head-butt Streit. Both then flopped theatrically and threw themselves to the ground. Meanwhile, various fights broke out between the remaining players. The referee had no choice but to send both into the showers for bad acting. Afterwards Meier claimed that he had been insulted, although certainly most of the 30,000 Duisburg fans must have felt THEY had been insulted by his alleged coaching. Streit has not yet spoken on the matter, undoubtedly embarassed that his performance was hardly worthy of even Serie B, so he would be lucky if he even got a look see from somebody like Treviso. Meanwhile, another Köln thug, Alpay, was banned for 4 matches for throwing an elbow in the previous match against Hamburg. He managed to hide it from the ref, but luckily it was caught on tape and the League threw the book at him. As for Meier, his disgraceful behaviour even outraged himself. After heatedly denying any fault, after he saw the TV replays, he "was astounded I acted that way." Meanwhile, the League has banned him from training the squad, effective immediately, and is considering a longer term punishment of up to two years...

No Ailton for you!

There has been lots of speculation that Ailton would be returning to the Bundesliga after his disaster in Turkey. Dortmund was supposedly the frontrunner, and Ailton was gushing in anticipation. But apparently his club demanded a high transfer fee, which absolutely makes no sense. In any case, Dortmund has dropped their interest, and Ailton was left holding the bag, declaring to the Turkish press how much he loves playing in Turkey. (Well, at least sitting on the bench.)


December 4, 2005

League wrapup

Some interesting results, where several teams that had not been too impressive managed decent efforts. Nürnberg got their second straight road win under Hans Mayer, as they defended well against an overconfident Gladbach side. Hannover brushed aside a recently decent Dortmund side to win nicely. Mainz had the best outing, as they hammered the Automobiles, one of their best Bundesliga performances. Bayern was lucky to draw at Stuttgart, as Sebastian Deisler got his ass tossed and they had to defend a man down. Schalke, Hamburg and Bremen all used the opportunity to make up some ground. Hamburg's win may have been costly, as superstar Rafael van der Vaart came off after only 20 minutes with an ankle injury. Later in this match, his replacement Alex Laas was hit by a missle thrown by some Köln "fan" and was carried off the field bleeding like a stuck pig. Berlin finally got on track with a surprise win at the lame Aspirins.

Team of the Week: Mainz, impressive hammering of Volkswagen

Turd of the Weak: Wolfsburg, getting hammered. Dishonrable mention to Gladbach


Bundesliga, Round 15:

Borussia M'gladbach 	- 	1. FC Nürnberg 		0:1 (0:0)
Borussia Dortmund 	- 	Hannover 96 		0:2 (0:1)
Hamburger SV 		- 	1. FC Köln 		3:1 (1:0)
Werder Bremen 		- 	MSV Duisburg 		2:0 (0:0)
VfB Stuttgart	 	- 	Bayern München 		0:0 (0:0)
Arminia Bielefeld 	- 	FC Schalke 04 		0:1 (0:0)
Bayer Leverkusen 	- 	Hertha BSC 		1:2 (1:0)
1. FSV Mainz 05 	- 	VfL Wolfsburg 		5:1 (3:1)
1. FC Kaiserslautern 	- 	Eintracht Frankfurt 	-:- 	 postponed



 1 	Bayern München 		15 	12 	2 	1 	31:10 	+21 	38
 2 	Hamburger SV 		15 	10 	4 	1 	25:7 	+18 	34
 3 	Werder Bremen 		15 	10 	2 	3 	41:19 	+22 	32
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 4 	FC Schalke 04 		15 	7 	7 	1 	19:10 	+9 	28
 5 	Hertha BSC Berlin 	15 	7 	4 	4 	25:21 	+4 	25
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 6 	Borussia Dortmund 	15 	5 	6 	4 	22:20 	+2 	21
 7 	Borussia M'gladbach 	15 	5 	6 	4 	19:17 	+2 	21
 8 	Hannover 96 		15 	4 	7 	4 	25:22 	+3 	19
 9 	VfB Stuttgart 		15 	3 	10 	2 	18:17 	+1 	19
10 	VfL Wolfsburg 		15 	4 	6 	5 	15:25 	-10 	18
11 	Bayer Leverkusen 	15 	4 	5 	6 	23:25 	-2 	17
12 	Arminia Bielefeld 	15 	4 	4 	7 	17:22 	-5 	16
13 	1. FSV Mainz 05 	15 	4 	3 	8 	23:24 	-1 	15
14 	Eintracht Frankfurt 	14 	4 	3 	7 	17:22 	-5 	15
15 	1. FC Nürnberg 		15 	3 	3 	9 	16:28 	-12 	12
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
16 	1. FC Köln 		14 	3 	2 	9 	20:31 	-11 	11
17 	MSV Duisburg 		14 	2 	3 	9 	12:28 	-16 	9
18 	1. FC Kaiserslautern 	14 	2 	3 	9 	18:38 	-20 	9



Down in the 2nd division, what should be called the "Topsy-turvy" or perhaps the "Chaos-Liga", it was another weekend of surprises. Erstwhile leaders 1860 drew another massive crowd, 50,000, for the derby with the small Munich suburb club Unterhaching, and got bitch-slapped all over the field, losing sensationally 4-1. Bochum used the opportunity to slip into 1st with a win over Aue, which means that they'll probably be knocked off next week. The other shocker was hopeless Saarbrücken getting it's 2nd win, on the road no less, against fellow strugglers Offenbach. Perhaps the other significant result was Burghausen getting all the points at Paderborn, which gives them a little more room in the relegation battle.


2.Liga

Sportfr. Siegen 	- 	Alemannia Aachen 	2:2 (1:1)
Eintr. Braunschweig 	- 	Karlsruher SC 		1:0 (0:0)
SpVgg Greuther Fürth 	- 	LR Ahlen 		2:0 (0:0)
SC Paderborn 07 	- 	SVW Burghausen 		1:3 (1:1)
VfL Bochum 		- 	Erzgebirge Aue 		1:0 (0:0)
SC Freiburg 		- 	Hansa Rostock	 	2:2 (1:1)
TSV 1860 München 	- 	SpVgg Unterhaching 	1:4 (0:2)
Kickers Offenbach 	- 	1. FC Saarbrücken 	2:3 (2:1)
Dynamo Dresden 		- 	Energie Cottbus 	-:-


 1 	VfL Bochum 		15 	8 	5 	2 	25:13 	+12 	29
 2 	1860 München 		15 	8 	3 	4 	24:17 	+7 	27
 3 	Greuther Fürth 		15 	8 	3 	4 	26:21 	+5 	27
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 4 	Alem. Aachen 		15 	8 	2 	5 	29:20 	+9 	26
 5 	SC Freiburg 		14 	7 	4 	3 	22:16 	+6 	25
 6 	Energie Cottbus 	14 	7 	3 	4 	25:18 	+7 	24
 7 	Eintr. Braunschweig 	15 	7 	3 	5 	19:14 	+5 	24
 8 	Karlsruher SC 		15 	7 	3 	5 	19:16 	+3 	24
 9 	SC Paderborn 07 	15 	7 	2 	6 	26:17 	+9 	23
10 	SpVgg Unterhaching 	15 	6 	2 	7 	25:23 	+2 	20
11 	SVW Burghausen 		15 	5 	5 	5 	19:24 	-5 	20
12 	Hansa Rostock 		14 	5 	4 	5 	18:18 	 0 	19
13 	Erzgebirge Aue 		15 	4 	6 	5 	13:13 	 0 	18
14 	Sportfr. Siegen 	14 	4 	4 	6 	20:20 	 0 	16
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
15 	Kickers Offenbach 	15 	4 	2 	9 	16:31 	-15 	14
16 	Dynamo Dresden 		13 	3 	2 	8 	17:24 	-7 	11
17 	LR Ahlen 		14 	1 	5 	8 	13:27 	-14 	8
18 	1. FC Saarbrücken 	14 	2 	2 	10 	10:34 	-24 	8


Elber raus!

Borussia Mönchengladbach reacted to resolve the "Elber affair" by dumping his ass on the street. The Brazilian hasn't really played much since he left Bayern for Lyon a couple of seasons ago, and has been mostly injured at Gladbach. Probably not a bad idea, since he wasn't going to play, especially since he's become such a pal of manager Horst Köppel. The man was brilliant in his career at Stuttgart and Bayern (Some 133 goals in 250 Bundesliga matches), but age and injuries seem to have put an effective end to his career. So where does the Brazilian go now? There has been some speculation that desperate Borussia Dortmund might be interested, but they would be nuts if they went for him. (Of course, Dortmund is supposedly seriously considering Ailton as well, so how smart can they be?). My recommendation is that Elber sign on with some club like Sportfreunde Dönberg or ASV Wuppertal. If he can still cut the mustard, then he'll attract interest from a massive club like Wuppertaler SV...


December 1, 2005

Euro news

Hertha BSC got a positive result, as they drew 0-0 at Sampdoria Genoa. This sets up a "finale" in Berlin when they meet Steaua Bucharest, where a win will secure the Berliners a spot in the next round of the UEFA Cup. Meanwhile, VfB Stuttgart turned in a brilliant performance, advancing to the next round. Well actually they didn't play, but their rivals lost, so VfB players instead could spend time in the pub and prepare for the next round...

Take that, you bum!

Borussia Mönchengladbach reacted wildly to criticism from Giovane Elber. The Brazilian medical expert, in an interview in the scholarly "Bild-Zeitung Journal of Medicine" commented that "my injury has healed, and the coach just makes up another injury to keep me from playing." The club was not amused and slapped Elber with a 10,000 euro fine. The player in turn consulted his pal Terrell Owens on "how to win friends and influence people." The result was a productive reconciliation meeting between Giovane and manager Horst Köppel, where both sides came to an agreement. "I'm not letting him lie to me anymore" stated the Brazilian, while Köppel commented "I'm sick and tired of him."


November 27, 2005

League wrap

A pitiful performance by Kaiserslautern, who after firing their coach Mike Henke last week, came up with a semi-turd during the week: They hired Nürnberg's fired coach Wolfgang Wolf! One certainly wonders whether Wolf is the right pick, given that Nürnberg was really sucking, and maybe he needed some time off. But the Red-Devils went out and signed him, and then got blitzed by Hannover in a disgraceful performance. Hamburg had a somewhat lucky win, as they stole a victory at Leverkusen. It should have been a high scoring affair, but obviously the refs thought they were playing rugby, and no forward passes are allowed. How else could you explain about 100 offside calls? Dortmund gains a nice win against Der Klub, and also got some decent midweek news in that the financial recovery from bankruptcy is moving forward. Schalke got two strikes from Kevin Kuranyi to knock off Werder, making Bayern the big winner this week.

Team of the Week: Schalke, winning a critical match against a contender

Turd of the Week: Kaiserslautern, getting wallopped


Bundesliga, Round 14:

Bayer Leverkusen 	- 	Hamburger SV 		0:1 (0:0) 		
MSV Duisburg 		- 	1. FC Köln 		-:- 	postponed
FC Schalke 04 		- 	Werder Bremen 		2:1 (1:0)
VfL Wolfsburg 		- 	Arminia Bielefeld 	0:0 (0:0)
1. FC Nürnberg 		- 	Borussia Dortmund 	1:2 (0:2)
Bayern München 		- 	1. FSV Mainz 05 	2:1 (1:1)
Hannover 96	 	- 	1. FC Kaiserslautern 	5:1 (2:0)
Hertha BSC Berlin 	- 	Borussia M'gladbach 	2:2 (0:2)
Eintracht Frankfurt 	- 	VfB Stuttgart 		1:1 (1:0) 		


 1 	Bayern München 		14 	12 	1 	1 	31:10 	+21 	37
 2 	Hamburger SV 		14 	9 	4 	1 	22:6 	+16 	31
 3 	Werder Bremen 		14 	9 	2 	3 	39:19 	+20 	29
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 4 	FC Schalke 04 		14 	6 	7 	1 	18:10 	+8 	25
 5 	Hertha BSC Berlin 	14 	6 	4 	4 	23:20 	+3 	22
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 6 	Borussia Dortmund 	14 	5 	6 	3 	22:18 	+4 	21
 7 	Borussia M'gladbach 	14 	5 	6 	3 	19:16 	+3 	21
 8 	VfB Stuttgart 		14 	3 	9 	2 	18:17 	+1 	18
 9 	VfL Wolfsburg 		14 	4 	6 	4 	14:20 	-6 	18
10 	Bayer Leverkusen 	14 	4 	5 	5 	22:23 	-1 	17
11 	Hannover 96 		14 	3 	7 	4 	23:22 	+1 	16
12 	Arminia Bielefeld 	14 	4 	4 	6 	17:21 	-4 	16
13 	Eintracht Frankfurt 	14 	4 	3 	7 	17:22 	-5 	15
14 	1. FSV Mainz 05 	14 	3 	3 	8 	18:23 	-5 	12
15 	1. FC Köln 		13 	3 	2 	8 	19:28 	-9 	11
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
16 	1. FC Nürnberg 		14 	2 	3 	9 	15:28 	-13 	9
17 	MSV Duisburg 		13 	2 	3 	8 	12:26 	-14 	9
18 	1. FC Kaiserslautern 	14 	2 	3 	9 	18:38 	-20 	9



2.Liga

1. FC Saarbrücken 	- 	Dynamo Dresden 		-:- 	postponed
SVW Burghausen 		- 	VfL Bochum 		0:4 (0:3) 	
Erzgebirge Aue 		- 	Eintr. Braunschweig 	0:2 (0:0) 	
Sportfr. Siegen 	- 	SC Freiburg 		-:- 	postponed 	
LR Ahlen 		- 	Hansa Rostock	 	-:- 	postponed	
Alemannia Aachen 	- 	SC Paderborn 07 	2:1 (1:0) 
SpVgg Unterhaching 	- 	Kickers Offenbach 	2:0 (1:0) 
Karlsruher SC 		- 	TSV 1860 München 	1:2 (0:2) 
Energie Cottbus 	- 	Greuther Fürth 		-:- 		


 1 	TSV 1860 München 	14 	8 	3 	3 	23:13 	+10 	27
 2 	VfL Bochum	 	14 	7 	5 	2 	24:13 	+11 	26
 3 	Alemannia Aachen 	14 	8 	1 	5 	27:18 	+9 	25
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 4 	Energie Cottbus 	13 	7 	3 	3 	24:16 	+8 	24
 5 	SC Freiburg 		13 	7 	3 	3 	20:14 	+6 	24
 6 	Karlsruher SC 		14 	7 	3 	4 	19:15 	+4 	24
 7 	SC Paderborn 07 	14 	7 	2 	5 	25:14 	+11 	23
 8 	Eintr. Braunschweig 	14 	6 	3 	5 	18:14 	+4 	21
 9 	Greuther Fürth 		13 	6 	3 	4 	22:20 	+2 	21
10 	Erzgebirge Aue 		14 	4 	6 	4 	13:12 	+1 	18
11 	Hansa Rostock 		13 	5 	3 	5 	16:16 	 0 	18
12 	SpVgg Unterhaching 	14 	5 	2 	7 	21:22 	-1 	17
13 	SVW Burghausen 		14 	4 	5 	5 	16:23 	-7 	17
14 	Sportfr. Siegen 	13 	4 	3 	6 	18:18 	 0 	15
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
15 	Kickers Offenbach 	14 	4 	2 	8 	14:28 	-14 	14
16 	Dynamo Dresden 		13 	3 	2 	8 	17:24 	-7 	11
17 	LR Ahlen 		13 	1 	5 	7 	13:25 	-12 	8
18 	1. FC Saarbrücken 	13 	1 	2 	10 	 7:32 	-25 	5


Mixed Euro results

Overall, a mixed bag from the mid-week European competition. In the Champions League, Bayern easily beat provincial club Rapid Wien 4-0 and secured advancement to the knockout phase. This was never in doubt, as they showed their ability beating Juventus earlier. Schalke also stomped Fenerbahce 3-0, but still have to have results go their way in the final round to advance. Overall, Schalke has put in good Euro performances, but haven't been able to bring home the bacon. Werder Bremen lost 1-3 at Barcelona to just about kill off their chances, and worst of all, goal scorer Miroslav Klose had his cheek bone fractured when he got mugged by a thuggish Barsa player. So he missed the critical Schalke match and who knows when he will be back. Overall, despite some decent effort, Werder has not impressed too much in their European campaign, and were clearly shown their limits by a superior Catalan side.

In the UEFA Cup, Hamburg lost 0-2 at Monaco, but nevertheless remain a good bet to advance from group stage. VfB Stuttgart wonm nicely 2-1 at PAOK Salonika to just about secure their advancement as well. Hertha BSC had a lame 0-0 at home to French side Lens, and will need a result againsst Sampdoria away or more likely Steaua at home.

More Ballack news

The German press is all up in arms over comments from Real Madrid's Ronaldo. The Brazilian striker stated that "I'm looking forward to playing with Michael. He knows that to be considered really great you have to play in Spain or Italy. The Bundesliga is too crappy. He's the heir to Zidane's throne." So Bayern blowhard Director Uli Hoeness reacted "Ronaldo should shut up and lose some weight, then he could think straight." Meanwhile, Bayern VP Karl-Heinz Rummenigge was a bit more diplomatic, stating although he hoped to work out a deal, he felt that Ballack would be leaving for foreign shores.

Critical time for Hertha

The next few weeks may decide if Hertha BSC is going to be a player, not just for this season, but the next few years. The Berlin club has the ambition to challenge at the top of the Bundesliga, but performance on the field has been rather disappointing. Perhaps Marcelinho is running out of gas, and can't carry the club all by himself anymore. In any case, the fans are voting with their feet. The club was expecting an average of some 55,000, but are averaging about 10,000 less. In addiition, the crap performance against Gladbach only drew 38,000, and Hertha's attendance decline is the highest in the Bundesliga. (Of course, many clubs would be happy to draw 38,000, but that's not enough for the Berliners.) With some 34 million euros in debt, it is critical that the club do well in Europe to grab the additional income. However the lackluster draw at home to Lens means that they must avoid a loss at Sampdoria next week and then defeat Steaua at home. Failure to do so would just about kill off the season, at least financially.


November 20, 2005

League wrap

The top news this week was actually at the bottom. Nürnberg brought their new coach (winner of reality TV show Nürnberger Bratwurst-Klub) Hans Meyer to a critical clash at the Fritz-Walter-Stadion (aka Betzenberg) against the Red Devils. They came away with a great result, and the 3-1 victory unleashed chaos in K-town. First, chairman Rene Jäggi fired manager Mike Henke's ass after the game, and then he himself resigned. Werder Bremen was on fire as they blasted the hapless Volkswagens. A last minute strike by sub Guerrero allowed Bayern to steal a win in Bielefeld, despite a lame performance. Hamburg also showed little against Duisburg, but were able to grind out a victory. Schalke was also crap, and was lucky to escape with a point against Köln. In fact, it was Köln's Mokhtari who was at fault. Leading 2-1 late in the match, a Köln breakaway led to 3 Kölners alone in front of the Schalker keeper. Instead of passing the ball to one of the others and an open goal, Mokhtari tried to score himself and missed. His teammates yelled at him to no avail. At least the manager Uwe Rapolder showed some balls and yanked Mokthari's ass soon afterwards. Then "Friday the 13th" Ebbe Sand scored at the end to salvage a point. I guess the mascot of the Kölner (the goats) is fairly accurate. Of other interest, Dortmund's Ebi Smolarek continues his fine season as a replacemnt for jan Koller, as he netted twice to decide the match. And Mainz came down from 0-2 at halftime to rescue a point in the derby against Frankfurt.

Team of the Week: Werder Bremen. Pretty obvious with their destruction of Wolfsburg. Honorable mention to Nürnberg

Turd of the week: Kaiserslautern, in total chaos. Dishonorable mention to Wolfsburg.


Bundesliga, Round 13:

1. FC Köln            -  FC Schalke 04 		2:2 (0:1) 
Borussia M'gladbach   -  Bayer Leverkusen 	1:1 (1:1) 
Borussia Dortmund     -  Hertha BSC Berlin	2:0 (2:0) 
1. FC Kaiserslautern  -  1. FC Nürnberg 	1:3 (1:1) 
Werder Bremen         -  VfL Wolfsburg 		6:1 (2:0) 
1. FSV Mainz 05       -  Eintracht Frankfurt 	2:2 (0:2) 
Arminia Bielefeld     -  Bayern München 	1:2 (0:0)
Hamburger SV          -  MSV Duisburg 		2:0 (2:0)
VfB Stuttgart         -  Hannover 96 		2:2 (1:0)


 1 Bayern München 	13 11 1 1 29:9  +20  34 
 2 Werder Bremen 	13  9 2 2 38:17 +21  29 
 3 Hamburger SV 	13  8 4 1 21:6  +15  28
----------------------------------------------- 
 4 FC Schalke 04 	13  5 7 1 16:9  +7   22 
 5 Hertha BSC Berlin	13  6 3 4 21:18 +3   21
----------------------------------------------- 
 6 Borussia M'gladbach 	13  5 5 3 17:14 +3   20 
 7 Borussia Dortmund 	13  4 6 3 20:17 +3   18 
 8 VfB Stuttgart 	13  3 8 2 17:16 +1   17 
 9 Bayer Leverkusen 	13  4 5 4 22:22  0   17 
10 VfL Wolfsburg 	13  4 5 4 14:20 -6   17 
11 Arminia Bielefeld 	13  4 3 6 17:21 -4   15 
12 Eintracht Frankfurt 	13  4 2 7 16:21 -5   14 
13 Hannover 96 		13  2 7 4 18:21 -3   13 
14 1. FSV Mainz 05 	13  3 3 7 17:21 -4   12 
15 1. FC Köln 		13  3 2 8 19:28 -9   11
----------------------------------------------- 
16 1. FC Nürnberg 	13  2 3 8 14:26 -12   9 
17 MSV Duisburg 	13  2 3 8 12:26 -14   9 
18 1. FC Kaiserslautern 13  2 3 8 17:33 -16   9 



2.Liga

SC Paderborn 07      -  Sportfr. Siegen 	4:0 (3:0) 
VfL Bochum           -  Alem. Aachen 		1:4 (0:2) 
Eintr. Braunschweig  -  SVW Burghausen 		1:2 (1:1) 
Kickers Offenbach    -  Karlsruher SC 		1:3 (0:2) 
SC Freiburg          -  LR Ahlen 		3:0 (1:0) 
Greuther Fürth       -  1. FC Saarbrücken 	0:0 (0:0) 
TSV 1860 München     -  Erzgebirge Aue 		1:1 (0:1) 
Dynamo Dresden       -  SpVgg Unterhaching 	2:3 (2:2)   
Hansa Rostock        -  Energie Cottbus 	-:- 


 1 TSV 1860 München 	13 7 3 3 21:12 +9  24 
 2 SC Freiburg 		13 7 3 3 20:14 +6  24 
 3 Karlsruher SC 	13 7 3 3 18:13 +5  24
--------------------------------------------- 
 4 SC Paderborn 07 	13 7 2 4 24:12 +12 23 
 5 Energie Cottbus 	12 7 2 3 24:16 +8  23 
 6 VfL Bochum 		13 6 5 2 20:13 +7  23 
 7 Alemannia Aachen 	13 7 1 5 25:17 +8  22 
 8 Greuther Fürth 	13 6 3 4 22:20 +2  21 
 9 Erzgebirge Aue 	13 4 6 3 13:10 +3  18 
10 Eintr. Braunschweig 	13 5 3 5 16:14 +2  18 
11 Hansa Rostock 	12 5 2 5 16:16  0  17 
12 SVW Burghausen 	13 4 5 4 16:19 -3  17 
13 Sportfr. Siegen 	13 4 3 6 18:18  0  15 
14 SpVgg Unterhaching 	13 4 2 7 19:22 -3  14
--------------------------------------------- 
15 Kickers Offenbach 	13 4 2 7 14:26 -12 14 
16 Dynamo Dresden 	13 3 2 8 17:24 -7  11 
17 LR Ahlen 		13 1 5 7 13:25 -12  8 
18 1. FC Saarbrücken 	13 1 2 10 7:32 -25  5 


Hoyzer in the slammer!

In s surprise verdict, the courts sentenced bribery referee Robert Hoyzer to 2 1/2 years in jail! In fact, the prosecution had only asked for something like a 2 year suspended sentence, but obviously the courts relfected the view of football fans that Germany is not Italy, and threw the book at him. Of course, on appeal it will probably be all overturned anyway.

Whither Ballack?

There is still plenty of speculation about the future of Bayern's superstar midfielder. His contract is up at the end of the season, and there is believed to be serious interest from Spain, England and Italy for Germany's best player. Bayern had made him an offer of some 30 million euros over 5 years, but Ballack dilly-dallied and didn't give an answer. Perhaps he's looking closer at Manchester United. After all, they booted out Roy Keane like a mangy dog and will probably seriously pursue Ballack. Anyway, at the club meeting, the Bayern bosses announced to to cheering members that they had withdrawn the offer. The press was full of speculation on replacements, but they sounded mostly like worthless players. And Uli Hoeness announced that he still thinks Ballack will sign, even though Bayern hasn't made an offer.


November 13, 2005

Sacre-bleu! Germany plays well!

In a decent performance, Jürgen Klinsmann's DFB squad drew 0-0 against Les Bleus at the Stade de France in Paris. In general, Germany had the edge throughout the match, and pressed fairly hard, especially early and late in the match. The French looked tired after their lame 3-2 win over Costa Rica earlier in the week, and were close to losing against a determined German squad. Although you can't put too much stock in it, this was clearly one of the stronger showings since earlier this year. And the last time they met, the French gave Germany a black eye with a 3-0 rout in Gelsenkirchen.


November 9, 2005

Reality TV show cancelled?!

As we reported yesterday about the new exciting Reality TV show, "Nürnberger Bratwurst Klub", we are forced to announce that the program has already bit the dust. 1.FC Nürnberg went out and hired Hans Meyer to be the new manager. Meyer was a legend in the GDR, guiding Carl-Zeiss Jena in some 65 European matches, and afterwards had sveral manager jobs elsewhere as well. his last assignment was Hertha BSC, where he slapped some organization into the garbage heap and steered them from relegation. Of course, this is basically free money with no pressure, since his contract will be renewed if Nürnberg avoid relegation. Haha.

But late breaking news indicates that the Reality show may be back on track! Hannover 96 just fired manager Ewald Lienen. The plan is to hire Peter Neururer (currently collecting generous unemployment benefits, but H96 officials feel that "Harz IV" will force him to seek employment.) Hannover has been sucking lately, but should be good enough to avoid relegation. Now it's up to Simon Cowell to work his magic and get club officials on the ball...


November 8, 2005

FatBoy-not-slim

Former Bundesliga superstar Ailton has been stinking up the joint in Turkey. The 32 year old Brazilian striker, who had a brilliant career with Werder Bremen, had scored 102 goals in 198 Bundesliga appearances. Last season he signed for Schalke with big fanfare, but despite leading the team in scoring, was generally disappointing. So it wasn't a surprise that he was sold to Besiktas in the offseason, where he signed a two-year contract. He start was brilliant, as he scored twice in his first match, but he hasn't found the net since. And the criticism has been deafening. New manager Jean Tigana stated diplomatically "Ailton is too old and too fat. He can't even kick the ball into a open net. He was great yesterday, but yesterday is gone. There's no place for him on this team." His teammates aren't too happy that they're busting their butts and he loafs around. That's always been his style, but he usually bangs the ball in the net too. So far, the club has urged patience, which has always been the most typical trait of Turkish Football fans, ask any visiting English supporter. Tigana wants to bring in new players in the winter transfer window, so look for Ailton to be on the way out. Perhaps he could sign for Wuppertaler SV, as hopefully he still has a few goals left. If not, we could use him as a decoy and a walking advertisemnt for Ultra-SlimFast.

No coach yet for "Der Club" - but help on the way!

Bundesliga tailender 1.FC Nürnberg remains without a manager since the canning of Wolfgang Wolf a week ago. Lothar "Loddar" Matthäus was the "ideal" candidate, but Loddar proved not to be as dumb as he's often portrayed, as he decided to stick with the hopeless Hungarian National team instead. Then Peter Neururer decided that the unemployment insurance checks was a better deal. Now Jürgen Röber, coaching some crap team in Serbia, has apparently given the offer the Bronx cheer as well.

However,things will be resolved soon. Exclusive Abseits sources have discovered that Brit TV mogul Simon Cowell, creator of "American Idol", will create a new "Big Brother" combined with "Deutschland sucht den SuperStar" (aka "German Idol") type reality show called "Nürnberger Bratwurst Klub", where contestants will compete to stay in der Klub-Kabine and are eliminated by the judges, the winner becoming the new manager. Famed soccer bimbos such as the "Lausitz Luder",and Pierre Littbarski's daughter Michelle, along with Berti Vogts are already signed up! The panel of judges will include such celebrities as Franz Beckenbauer, Diego Maradona and Snopp Dogg, with Simon of course as head judge.


November 6, 2005

League results

The big match was in the Münchener Allianz Arena, where Roy Makaay finally scored another goal, and Bayern turned back the challenge from Werder. Hamburg were held by Gladbach and also lose ground. Schalke put in a decent effort to erase their recent lame performances as they dispatched the Zebras. However, Kevin Kuranyi could have won the scoring title given all the chances he wasted. Frankfurt thumped Bielefeld in a good effort that might have earned them team of the week in another round.

Team of the Week: Bayern, winning the top of the table against Werder

Turd of the Week: Nürnberg, they suck once more when they could have gotten points.

In the Zweite Liga, it was not a good weekend for the leaders. Cottbus was held by strugglig AHlen, and Bochum suffered their first loss of the season as they were stunningly bitch-slapped 0-3 in Siegen. As is wont with the 2.Liga, things remain wide open for the promotion spots. At the bottom, Saarbrücken lost as usual, but everybody else is still alive.


Bundesliga, Round 12:

Bayer Leverkusen 	-  Borussia Dortmund 	2:1 (1:0)
FC Schalke 04 		-  MSV Duisburg 	3:0 (1:0) 
Hertha BSC Berlin 	-  1. FC Kaiserslautern 3:0 (1:0) 
VfL Wolfsburg 		-  1. FC Köln 		1:1 (1:0) 
Bayern München 		-  Werder Bremen 	3:1 (3:1) 
Eintracht Frankfurt 	-  Arminia Bielefeld 	3:0 (1:0) 
Hannover 96 		-  FSV Mainz 05 	2:2 (0:1) 
Borussia M'gladbach 	-  Hamburger SV 	0:0 (0:0) 
1. FC Nürnberg 		-  VfB Stuttgart 	0:1 (0:1) 	


1 	Bayern München 		12 	10 	1 	1 	27:8 	+19 	31
2 	Werder Bremen 		12 	8 	2 	2 	32:16 	+16 	26
3 	Hamburger SV 		12 	7 	4 	1 	19:6 	+13 	25
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
4 	FC Schalke 04 		12 	5 	6 	1 	14:7 	+7 	21
5 	Hertha BSC 		12 	6 	3 	3 	21:16 	+5 	21
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
6 	Borussia M'gladbach 	12 	5 	4 	3 	16:13 	+3 	19
7 	VfL Wolfsburg 		12 	4 	5 	3 	13:14 	-1 	17
8 	VfB Stuttgart 		12 	3 	7 	2 	15:14 	+1 	16
9 	Bayer Leverkusen 	12 	4 	4 	4 	21:21 	 0 	16
10 	Borussia Dortmund 	12 	3 	6 	3 	18:17 	+1 	15
11 	Arminia Bielefeld 	12 	4 	3 	5 	16:19 	-3 	15
12 	Eintracht Frankfurt 	12 	4 	1 	7 	14:19 	-5 	13
13 	Hannover 96 		12 	2 	6 	4 	16:19 	-3 	12
14 	FSV Mainz 05 		12 	3 	2 	7 	15:19 	-4 	11
15 	1. FC Köln 		12 	3 	1 	8 	17:26 	-9 	10
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
16 	MSV Duisburg 		12 	2 	3 	7 	12:24 	-12 	9
17 	1. FC Kaiserslautern 	12 	2 	3 	7 	16:30 	-14 	9
18 	1. FC Nürnberg	 	12 	1 	3 	8 	11:25 	-14 	6


2.Liga, Round 12:

Energie Cottbus 	- 	LR Ahlen 		0:0 (0:0)
SVW Burghausen 		- 	1860 München 		0:2 (0:2)
Karlsruher SC 		- 	Dynamo Dresden 		2:1 (1:1)
Sportfr. Siegen 	- 	VfL Bochum 		3:0 (1:0)
SC Paderborn 07 	- 	SC Freiburg 		1:1 (1:1)
1. FC Saarbrücken 	- 	Hansa Rostock 		1:2 (0:2)
SpVgg Unterhaching 	- 	Greuther Fürth 		4:1 (0:0)
Erzgebirge Aue 		- 	Kickers Offenbach 	1:0 (1:0)
Alemannia Aachen 	- 	Eintr. Braunschweig 	-:- 	


1 	VfL Bochum 		12 	6 	5 	1 	19:9 	+10 	23
2 	1860 München 		12 	7 	2 	3 	20:11 	+9 	23
3 	Energie Cottbus 	12 	7 	2 	3 	24:16 	+8 	23
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
4 	SC Freiburg 		12 	6 	3 	3 	17:14 	+3 	21
5 	Karlsruher SC 		12 	6 	3 	3 	15:12 	+3 	21
6 	SC Paderborn 07 	12 	6 	2 	4 	20:12 	+8 	20
7 	Greuther Fürth 		12 	6 	2 	4 	22:20 	+2 	20
8 	Eintr. Braunschweig 	11 	5 	3 	3 	14:10 	+4 	18
9 	Erzgebirge Aue 		12 	4 	5 	3 	12:9 	+3 	17
10 	Hansa Rostock 		12 	5 	2 	5 	16:16 	 0 	17
11 	Alemannia Aachen	11 	5 	1 	5 	19:15 	+4 	16
12 	Sportfr. Siegen 	12 	4 	3 	5 	18:14 	+4 	15
13 	SVW Burghausen 		12 	3 	5 	4 	14:18 	-4 	14
14 	Kickers Offenbach 	12 	4 	2 	6 	13:23 	-10 	14
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
15 	SpVgg Unterhaching 	12 	3 	2 	7 	16:20 	-4 	11
16 	Dynamo Dresden 		12 	3 	2 	7 	15:21 	-6 	11
17 	LR Ahlen 		12 	1 	5 	6 	13:22 	-9 	8
18 	1. FC Saarbrücken 	12 	1 	1 	10 	7:32 	-25 	4


November 3, 2005

Euro results

Not too bad for the Champions League clubs. Bayern lost 2-1 at Juventus by a late goal, not a bad result. Both clubs look to move to the next round. Werder Bremen kept their hopes alive with a 4-3 win over Udinese. Schalke continued their pattern of sucking in the Bundesliga, but playing entertaining football in Europe. They upended Fenerbahce 2-0 to maintain their chances of advancing.

In UEFA Cup action, HSV easily handled Viking Stavanger 2-0. Rafael van der vaart scored his 4th goal in 4 Euro matches. VfB Stuttgart laid another turd, losing 0-2 at home to Ukrainian side Shaktor Donetzk.


October 30, 2005

League wrapup

The teams at the top were able to get some distance. Hamburg dealt Schalke their first Bundesliga loss, and Bayern snuck back a Köln squad in freefall. Meanwhile Werder blasted Frankfurt, to remain hot on the trail. At the bottom, there were also some significant results, as Bielefeld moves into the solid midfield, and Mainz continues their recovery, whipping hapless Nürnberg. Duisburg's surprise win over the Volkswagen's shows that the Zebras still have some fight left, although undoubtedly they're not good enough. Stuttgart and Hertha had been two of the most boring teams this year, so they went out and had an old-fashioned shoot-out to entertain the fans.

Team of the Week: Mainz - Good effort slapping Nürnberg silly.
Turd of the Week: Schalke - Officially the most boring team in the league now...not to mention the disgrace in the DFB Cup...

In the 2.Liga, relegated Freiburg had their best effort of the season, as they bumped off Cottbus. The other big match was Bochum's draw with surprising Paderborn. Bochum remains undefeated, but the visitors continue to impress in their first season in the 2.Liga. At the bottom, Saarbrücken's defeat pretty much means the season is over for them, which is pretty sad, since it's less than a third into the schedule. But losing against fellow crap performer Ahlen drops them at least 7 points from safety, with the worst offense and defense.


Bundesliga, Round 11:

1. FC Köln 		-  Bayern München 	1:2 (1:0)
MSV Duisburg 		-  VfL Wolfsburg 	1:0 (0:0) 
Borussia Dortmund 	-  Borussia M'gladbach 	2:1 (1:0) 
Hamburger SV 		-  FC Schalke 04 	1:0 (1:0) 
1. FC Kaiserslautern 	-  Bayer Leverkusen 	2:2 (1:1) 
Werder Bremen 		-  Eintracht Frankfurt 	4:1 (1:1) 
VfB Stuttgart 		-  Hertha BSC Berlin 	3:3 (0:1) 
FSV Mainz 05 		-  1. FC Nürnberg 	4:1 (3:1) 
Arminia Bielefeld 	-  Hannover 96 		4:1 (1:0) 


 1 	Bayern München 		11 	9 	1 	1 	24:7 	+17 	28
 2 	Werder Bremen 		11 	8 	2 	1 	31:13 	+18 	26
 3 	Hamburger SV 		11 	7 	3 	1 	19:6 	+13 	24
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 4 	FC Schalke 04 		11 	4 	6 	1 	11:7 	+4 	18
 5 	Borussia M'gladbach 	11 	5 	3 	3 	16:13 	+3 	18
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 6 	Hertha BSC 		11 	5 	3 	3 	18:16 	+2 	18
 7 	VfL Wolfsburg 		11 	4 	4 	3 	12:13 	-1 	16
 8 	Borussia Dortmund 	11 	3 	6 	2 	17:15 	 2 	15
 9 	Arminia Bielefeld 	11 	4 	3 	4 	16:16 	 0 	15
10 	VfB Stuttgart 		11 	2 	7 	2 	14:14 	 0 	13
11 	Bayer Leverkusen 	11 	3 	4 	4 	19:20 	-1 	13
12 	Hannover 96 		11 	2 	5 	4 	14:17 	-3 	11
13 	FSV Mainz 05 		11 	3 	1 	7 	13:17 	-4 	10
14 	Eintracht Frankfurt 	11 	3 	1 	7 	11:19 	-8 	10
15 	1. FC Köln 		11 	3 	0 	8 	16:25 	-9 	9
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
16 	MSV Duisburg 		11 	2 	3 	6 	12:21 	-9 	9
17 	1. FC Kaiserslautern 	11 	2 	3 	6 	16:27 	-11 	9
18 	1. FC Nürnberg 		11 	1 	3 	7 	11:24 	-13 	6


2.Liga, Round 11:

LR Ahlen 		-  1. FC Saarbrücken 	3:1 (1:1)
VfL Bochum 		-  SC Paderborn 07 	1:1 (1:0) 	
Eintr. Braunschweig 	-  Sportfr. Siegen 	1:0 (1:0) 	 	
Hansa Rostock 		-  SpVgg Unterhaching 	4:2 (1:1) 	
SC Freiburg 		-  Energie Cottbus 	4:1 (1:0) 
Greuther Fürth 		-  Karlsruher SC 	3:1 (1:0) 	
Kickers Offenbach 	-  SVW Burghausen 	1:3 (0:3) 


 1 	VfL Bochum 		11 	6 	5 	0 	19:6 	+13 	23
 2 	Energie Cottbus 	11 	7 	1 	3 	24:16 	+8 	22
 3 	Greuther Fürth 		11 	6 	2 	3 	21:16 	+5 	20
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 4 	SC Freiburg 		11 	6 	2 	3 	16:13 	+3 	20
 5 	SC Paderborn 07 	11 	6 	1 	4 	19:11 	+8 	19
 6 	1860 München 		10 	6 	1 	3 	18:11 	+7 	19
 7 	Eintr. Braunschweig 	11 	5 	3 	3 	14:10 	+4 	18
 8 	Karlsruher SC 		11 	5 	3 	3 	13:11 	+2 	18
 9 	Alemannia Aachen 	10 	5 	0 	5 	19:15 	+4 	15
10 	Hansa Rostock 		11 	4 	2 	5 	14:15 	-1 	14
11 	SVW Burghausen 		11 	3 	5 	3 	14:16 	-2 	14
12 	Kickers Offenbach 	11 	4 	2 	5 	13:22 	-9 	14
13 	Sportfr. Siegen 	11 	3 	3 	5 	15:14 	+1 	12
14 	Erzgebirge Aue 		10 	2 	5 	3 	7:8 	-1 	11
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
15 	Dynamo Dresden 		10 	3 	2 	5 	13:15 	-2 	11
16 	SpVgg Unterhaching 	11 	2 	2 	7 	12:19 	-7 	8
17 	LR Ahlen 		11 	1 	4 	6 	13:22 	-9 	7
18 	1. FC Saarbrücken 	11 	1 	1 	9 	6:30 	-24 	4


Wolf raus!

1.FC Nürnberg fired manager Wolfgang Wolf - hardly a surprise considering how badly "der Club" has sucked. The defeat in Mainz was evidently the last straw. Club President Michael Roth had sworn loyalty to his manager just on Saturday, but on Sunday he was quoted as saying "Well, I never said that he would necessarily last until the winter-break." Wolf had led Nürnberg for little over 3 seasons, joining in 2004 with only four games left - and unable to avoid relegation. But he brought them back after just one year in the 2.Liga. Meanwhile, the desired successor is apparently none other than Lothar Matthäus. That should be good for some laughs...


October 26, 2005

DFB Pokal

This week saw Round 2 of the DFB Cup, and although there weren't any shockers, there were a few brow-raisers. The top of the howlers was Schalke's disgraceful 0-6 defeat at Eintracht Frankfurt. The players should be executed for this disgusting display, or as the Germans like to say, be prosecuted for "refusal to work". (Arbeitsverweigerung). Other interesting results were St.Pauli's ass-kicking of 2.Liga pretender VfL Bochum and struggling Rostock's upending of one of the most boring teams, VfB Stuttgart. Aside from Frankfurt, the only Bundesliga club that looked decent was Hertha, which whipped hapless Duisburg. Defending Cup title-holder Bayern had their hands full with fighting Aue, cheered on by a raucous crowd, but in the end their superiority got them through. The highlight of Kaiserslautern's hotly contested win against 3rd division Erfurt was Red Devil manager Michael Henke praising his hosts as "Scheiss Ossis" ("shitty easterners"). The DFB says they are going to investigate. Maybe they'll investigate the Schalker Arbeitsverweigerung too.



FC St. Pauli 	     -   VfL Bochum 		4:0 (2:0)
RotWeiss Erfurt      -   1. FC Kaiserslautern 	2:4 (1:2) 	
SpVgg Unterhaching   -   1. FC Saarbrücken 	2:1 aet		
Werder Bremen 	     -   VfL Wolfsburg 		2:2, 5:4 penalties 
Eintracht Frankfurt  -   FC Schalke 04 		6:0 (2:0) 
1. FC Nürnberg 	     -   Dynamo Dresden 	3:0 (1:0) 	
Alemannia Aachen     - 	 Hannover 96 		1:2 (0:1) 	
SC Freiburg 	     - 	 Eintr. Braunschweig 	4:1 (1:1) 	
VfL Osnabrück 	     - 	 FSV Mainz 05 		2:4 penalties 	
Hamburger SV 	     - 	 Bayer Leverkusen 	3:2 (0:1) 	
1860 München 	     - 	 MSV Duisburg 		3:2 (2:0) 	
Arminia Bielefeld    - 	 Energie Cottbus 	2:1 (1:1) 
Hansa Rostock 	     - 	 VfB Stuttgart 		3:2 (3:1) 
Kickers Offenbach    - 	 Karlsruher SC 		2:1 (2:0) 
Hertha BSC Berlin    - 	 Borussia M'gladbach 	3:0 (1:0) 
Erzgebirge Aue 	     -   Bayern München 		0:1 (0:0) 

Too much Bayern on TV?

You could probably file this one under the "sniveling non-contending whiners" department, which some should argue could be a show hosted by Andreas Möller. But apparently the league and federation are going to "look into" the charges that Bayern is on live TV too much in the DFB Cup. I believe that the stats show that Bayern's games have been televised something like 19 of the 25 Cup matches they've played since 2000. Well, duh! Who the hell wants to watch somebody like Stuttgart, unless you have insomnia? The fact is that more people would want to watch Bayern, since they are in fact the only team worth watching on TV. Anybody else who is interested goes to the stadium, which is what you're suppoed to do. Granted, Werder Bremen plays some attractive football at times, although when they play at the European level, they're revealed as emperors with no clothes (Does the name "Olympique Lyon" ring a bell? We in the US are forced to suffer through Bundesliga matches on Fox Soccer Channel like Hannover vs. Duisburg or Stuttgart against anybody. Hardly worth waking up at 7:00am Saturday morning. And of course when Bayern does play, there is a it of inevitablility about it, as no matter how crap they play, the other team is usually too dumb to win. That's why the Bundesliga ranks far behind other leagues in international interest. But Cup matches are another matter. Minnows often give superhuman efforts, and the prospect of Bayern losing makes for great TV. Hell, the greatest match in German football history is probably TSV Vestenbergsgreuth vs. Bayern München from the 1995 DFB Cup. So why not televise and pray for the upset? And the followup of that loud-mouthed Bayern VP Uli Hoeness speechless is riveting television! So certainly, if you look at this round's schedule of games, which one would YOU want to watch?


October 24, 2005

Weekend wrapup

Bayern took back the lead as they thumped the Zebras, and the high-flying Werder attack shot duds in a northern derby with Hannover. Gladbach continues to be one of the surprises of the season as they slapped Kaiserlautern silly. None of the other top clubs were particularily impressive, Hamburg and Schalke both drawing, and Berlin nothing but efficient against Mainz. On the bottom, some significant moves. Bielefeld's win at Nürnberg is a major achievement, and Frankfurt pulverized the Köln defenses. In fact, Köln manager Uwe Rapolder is rumoured to be close to the chopping bolck. He shot the dreaded "vote of confidence" from Köln's president (the legendary Wolfgang Overath), which basically means that his ass is gone at the next embarassment. Nürnberg's Wolfgang Wolf is in the same predicament, and could be joing the massive ranks of Germany's unemployed soon.

In other interesting team news, bayern manager Felix Magath hinted that star forward Roy Makaay might be "mental". Perhaps he's been hanging around bayern too long. The concern is that after a blistering start, Makaay has now gone 814 minutes without scoring.

In the 2nd division, impressive wins for leaders Bochum and Cottbus, along with an important win for 1860. Things remain tight. At the bottom, a critical victory for Unterhaching against Ahlen. This Munich suburbanites maintain contact with the rest of the relegation battlers, whereas Ahlen now join Saarbrücken in need for some serious ass-kicking.

 

Bundesliga, Round 10:

Borussia M'gladbach 	- 	1. FC Kaiserslautern 	4:1 (3:1) 
Hertha BSC Berlin 	- 	FSV Mainz 05	 	3:1 (2:0) 
VfL Wolfsburg 		- 	FC Schalke 04 		0:0 (0:0) 	
1. FC Nürnberg 		- 	Arminia Bielefeld 	2:3 (1:1) 	
Bayern München 		- 	MSV Duisburg 		4:0 (2:0) 	
Eintracht Frankfurt 	- 	1. FC Köln 		6:3 (4:1) 	
Hannover 96 		- 	Werder Bremen 		0:0 (0:0) 	
Bayer Leverkusen 	- 	VfB Stuttgart 		1:1 (0:0) 	
Borussia Dortmund 	- 	Hamburger SV 		1:1 (0:0) 	


 1 	Bayern München 		10 	8 	1 	1 	22:6 	+16 	25
 2 	Werder Bremen 		10 	7 	2 	1 	27:12 	+15 	23
 3 	Hamburger SV 		10 	6 	3 	1 	18:6 	+12 	21
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 4 	FC Schalke 04 		10 	4 	6 	0 	11:6 	+5 	18
 5 	Borussia M'gladbach 	10 	5 	3 	2 	15:11 	+4 	18
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 6 	Hertha BSC 		10 	5 	2 	3 	15:13 	+2 	17
 7 	VfL Wolfsburg 		10 	4 	4 	2 	12:12 	 0 	16
 8 	Borussia Dortmund 	10 	2 	6 	2 	15:14 	+1 	12
 9 	VfB Stuttgart 		10 	2 	6 	2 	11:11 	 0 	12
10 	Bayer Leverkusen 	10 	3 	3 	4 	17:18 	-1 	12
11 	Arminia Bielefeld 	10 	3 	3 	4 	12:15 	-3 	12
12 	Hannover 96 		10 	2 	5 	3 	13:13 	 0 	11
13 	Eintracht Frankfurt 	10 	3 	1 	6 	10:15 	-5 	10
14 	1. FC Köln 		10 	3 	0 	7 	15:23 	-8 	9
15 	1. FC Kaiserslautern 	10 	2 	2 	6 	14:25 	-11 	8
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
16 	FSV Mainz 05 		10 	2 	1 	7 	9:16 	-7 	7
17 	MSV Duisburg 		10 	1 	3 	6 	11:21 	-10 	6
18 	1. FC Nürnberg 		10 	1 	3 	6 	10:20 	-10 	6



2.Liga, Round 10:

SC Paderborn 07 	- 	Eintr. Braunschweig 	3:0 (3:0) 	
VfL Bochum 		- 	SC Freiburg	 	4:0 (2:0) 	
Alem. Aachen 		- 	Kickers Offenbach 	0:1 (0:0) 	
SVW Burghausen 		- 	Dynamo Dresden 		1:0 (0:0) 
1. FC Saarbrücken 	- 	Energie Cottbus 	1:3 (0:1) 
SpVgg Unterhaching 	- 	LR Ahlen 		2:0 (2:0) 
Karlsruher SC 		- 	Hansa Rostock 		1:0 (1:0) 
Erzgebirge Aue 		- 	Greuther Fürth 		1:1 (0:1) 	
Sportfr. Siegen 	- 	1860 München 		1:2 (0:2) 	


1 	VfL Bochum 		10 	6 	4 	0 	18:5 	13 	22
2 	Energie Cottbus 	10 	7 	1 	2 	23:12 	11 	22
3 	1860 München 		10 	6 	1 	3 	18:11 	7 	19
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
4 	SC Paderborn 07 	10 	6 	0 	4 	18:10 	8 	18
5 	Karlsruher SC 		10 	5 	3 	2 	12:8 	4 	18
6 	Greuther Fürth 		10 	5 	2 	3 	18:15 	3 	17
7 	SC Freiburg 		10 	5 	2 	3 	12:12 	0 	17
8 	Alem. Aachen 		10 	5 	0 	5 	19:15 	4 	15
9 	Eintr. Braunschweig 	10 	4 	3 	3 	13:10 	3 	15
10 	Kickers Offenbach 	10 	4 	2 	4 	12:19 	-7 	14
11 	Sportfr. Siegen 	10 	3 	3 	4 	15:13 	2 	12
12 	Erzgebirge Aue 		10 	2 	5 	3 	7:8 	-1 	11
13 	Dynamo Dresden 		10 	3 	2 	5 	13:15 	-2 	11
14 	Hansa Rostock 		10 	3 	2 	5 	10:13 	-3 	11
15 	SVW Burghausen 		10 	2 	5 	3 	11:15 	-4 	11
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
16 	SpVgg Unterhaching 	10 	2 	2 	6 	10:15 	-5 	8
17 	LR Ahlen 		10 	0 	4 	6 	10:21 	-11 	4
18 	1. FC Saarbrücken 	10 	1 	1 	8 	5:27 	-22 	4


Aussi Rules Football

Austria's soccer federation, the ÖFB, has announced that ex-international Josef Hickersberger will be taking over the national squad, from another legend, Hans Krankl. Austria is one of the hosts of the Euro 2008 tournament, and need some major improvement to not embarass themselves. Although Krankl's reign had seen some occasional flashes of competance, Austria is a long way from the respectability of the days in the late 70s/early 80s - when players like Prohaska, Schachner, Pezzey and of course Krankl and Hickersberger ruled the pitch.

Meanwhile, the "Crass and Blatant Advertising League" also known as the "T-Mobile Bundesliga", Austria's top division, as finally seen the mini-Abramovich Red Bull Salzburg take the lead. Seems like the Austrian league should merge with the Scottish SPL so they can finally have a decent number of clubs in their competition. For those that are interested, attendance in the T-Mobile Bundesliga is pretty lame, perhaps a little better than the German Regionalliga


1 	RB Salzburg 		15 	9 	1 	5 	21:15 	+6 	28
2 	Austria Wien 		15 	8 	2 	5 	21:17 	+4 	26
3 	Pasching 		15 	6 	6 	3 	19:11 	+8 	24
4 	Sturm Graz 		15 	6 	5 	4 	22:20 	+2 	23
5 	Rapid Wien 		15 	6 	4 	5 	25:18 	+7 	22
6 	Grazer AK 		15 	6 	4 	5 	21:17 	+4 	22
7 	SV Mattersburg 		15 	5 	3 	7 	18:25 	-7 	18
8 	SV Ried 		15 	3 	8 	4 	18:20 	-2 	17
9 	FC Wacker Tirol 	15 	3 	7 	5 	16:24 	-8 	16
10 	Admira Wacker Mödling 	15 	2 	2 	11 	20:34 	-14 	8


October 17, 2005

Ban for van der Vaart

Hamburg's star Dutchman Rafael van der Vaart has been handed a 3 match ban for his sending off an involvement in the brawl in the home loss against Wolfsburg. Obviously this is a disaster for for HSV, not to mention for my "kicker Managerspiel" squad, since he's the key player in my lineup. Obviously he hasn't learned to act Italian and flop on the ground and role around as if your leg has been amputated on the slightest touch to fool the ref. The Volkswagen's Maik Franz was also ejected, but only got a 2 match ban. However, video evidence seems to indicate that HSV's Guy Demel punched him in the nose when the ref wasn't looking, so I guess he's getting a break. VW manager Holger Fach ran out on the field like a nut case, but he was only fined.

More pressure for Klinsmann

National team boss Jürgen Klinsmann continues under hefty criticism. It's been revealed that a meeting with the 18 Bundesliga managers, scheduled for after the midweek international in Hamburg against China, was scuttled because he refused to change his plans to travel back to California. This has been a sore point in the German media, since Klinsi "commutes" from his home in Southern California. I suppose it's possible in this day and age of internet conferencing, but it has become a red flag of bad media relations. I mean, how can your national team coach not even be bothered to hang around in Germany? Assistant Oliver Bierhoff has been handling the "local" angle, but the bad publicity is poisoning the atmosphere.

Meanwhile Klinsi and Bierhoff are strategizing a game plan for their next tests - against France and Italy! In a recent interview, Klinsi stated that tough matches are good because "you learn a lot more from losses." In which case Germany should soon be producing some soccer Albert Einsteins. Actually, the Italians will probably equally suck, as they only can be bothered in the World Cup, and then sometimes not even then. But the Frenchies realize this is their only chance to take revenge for 1871, 1914, 1940 and Harald Schumacher, so expect Zidane and Co. to deliver a severe "Ohrfeige" (look it up) to the Germans...


October 16, 2005

League wrapup

Werder Bremen seizes the lead on a crushing 6-2 win over hapless Nürnberg. Miroslav Klose nailed a hat-trick, and his strike partner Ivan Klasnic added 2 as Werder ran rampant over the number 1 relegation candidate. Meanwhile, Bayern was unable to hold their lead against furious Schalke attacks, and were lucky to escape with a 1-1 draw in Gelsenkirchen. Hamburg had a brain fart as they lost at home to Volkswagen, missing their opportunity to grab the lead. Some of the bottom teams did make some good moves. Bielefeld wiped out Hertha, and Mainz dealt Bayer Aspirin a 3-1 whupping, ruining Michael Skibbe's pepto-bismol debut. Köln showed that their quick start was just an illusion as they got slapped at home by Hannover.

In the 2.Liga, Bochum remains undefeated, but Cottbus moved to the topon goal difference thanks to their victory over Unterhaching. The biggest result was Fürth's bitch-slapping over Burghausen, which moved them into contention. The Monday Night match saw Aachen with an important win at Dresden.

 

Bundesliga, Round 9:

FC Schalke 04        -  Bayern München        1:1 (0:1)
Hamburger SV         -  VfL Wolfsburg         0:1 (0:1) 
1. FC Kaiserslautern -  Borussia Dortmund     3:3 (1:3) 
Werder Bremen        -  1. FC Nürnberg        6:2 (3:1) 
VfB Stuttgart        -  Borussia M'gladbach   1:1 (0:1) 
FSV Mainz 05         -  Bayer Leverkusen      3:1 (0:0) 
Arminia Bielefeld    -  Hertha BSC Berlin     3:0 (2:0) 
1. FC Köln           -  Hannover 96           1:4 (0:0) 
MSV Duisburg         -  Eintracht Frankfurt   0:1 (0:1) 


 1 Werder Bremen 	9 7 1 1  27:12 +15  22 
 2 Bayern München 	9 7 1 1  18:6  +12  22
 3 Hamburger SV 	9 6 2 1  17:5  +12  20 
----------------------------------------------
 4 FC Schalke 04 	9 4 5 0  11:6  +5   17 
 5 Borussia M'gladbach 	9 4 3 2  11:10 +1   15
---------------------------------------------- 
 6 VfL Wolfsburg 	9 4 3 2  12:12  0   15 
 7 Hertha BSC Berlin	9 4 2 3  12:12  0   14 
 8 Borussia Dortmund 	9 2 5 2  14:13 +1   11 
 9 VfB Stuttgart 	9 2 5 2  10:10  0   11 
10 Bayer Leverkusen 	9 3 2 4  16:17 -1   11 
11 Hannover 96 		9 2 4 3  13:13  0   10 
12 Arminia Bielefeld 	9 2 3 4   9:13 -4    9 
13 1. FC Köln 		9 3 0 6  12:17 -5    9 
14 1. FC Kaiserslautern 9 2 2 5  13:21 -8    8 
15 FSV Mainz 05 	9 2 1 6   8:13 -5    7
---------------------------------------------- 
16 Eintracht Frankfurt 	9 2 1 6   4:12 -8    7 
17 MSV Duisburg 	9 1 3 5  11:17 -6    6 
18 1. FC Nürnberg 	9 1 3 5   8:17 -9    6 


 2.Liga

Hansa Rostock        -  Erzgebirge Aue       1:0 (1:0) 
LR Ahlen             -  Karlsruher SC        2:2 (2:1) 
1860 München         -  SC Paderborn 07      1:0 (1:0) 
Energie Cottbus      -  SpVgg Unterhaching   2:0 (1:0) 
SC Freiburg          -  1. FC Saarbrücken    3:1 (1:0) 
Eintr. Braunschweig  -  VfL Bochum           0:0 (0:0) 
Greuther Fürth 	     -  SVW Burghausen       6:2 (4:2) 
Kickers Offenbach    -  Sportfr. Siegen      1:1 (0:1)   
Dynamo Dresden       -  Alem. Aachen         1:3 (1:1) 


 1 Energie Cottbus 	9 6 1 2  20:11 +9  19 
 2 VfL Bochum 		9 5 4 0  14:5  +9  19 
 3 SC Freiburg		9 5 2 2  12:8  +4  17
--------------------------------------------- 
 4 TSV 1860 München 	9 5 1 3  16:10 +6  16 
 5 Greuther Fürth 	9 5 1 3  17:14 +3  16 
 6 Eintr. Braunschweig 	9 4 3 2  13:7  +6  15 
 7 Alemannia Aachen 	9 5 0 4  19:14 +5  15 
 8 SC Paderborn 07 	9 5 0 4  15:10 +5  15 
 9 Karlsruher SC 	9 4 3 2  11:8  +3  15 
10 Sportfr. Siegen 	9 3 3 3  14:11 +3  12 
11 Dynamo Dresden 	9 3 2 4  13:14 -1  11 
12 Hansa Rostock 	9 3 2 4  10:12 -2  11 
13 Kickers Offenbach 	9 3 2 4  11:19 -8  11 
14 Erzgebirge Aue 	9 2 4 3   6:7  -1  10
--------------------------------------------- 
15 SVW Burghausen 	9 1 5 3  10:15 -5   8 
16 SpVgg Unterhaching 	9 1 2 6   8:15 -7   5 
17 LR Ahlen 		9 0 4 5  10:19 -9   4 
18 1. FC Saarbrücken 	9 1 1 7   4:24 -20  4 

Yet Another Crap National Team Performance!

In midweek, Germany managed to scrape by China with a lame 1-0 result, thanks to a penalty by Torsten Frings. Once again without Michael Ballack, the DFB squad was toothless, and by halftime was being mercilessly booed by the Hamburg crowd. China didn't do much, opting for a rather defensive setup, but Germany was too incompetant to do anything.


October 10, 2005

Why the national team sucks

Time for some more worthless analysis on why Germany hasn't looked very good for quite a while, and some more pertinent recent info. This old horse has been beaten to death, but it may offer some insight to our newer readers. So here are the main issues with Jürgen Klinsmann's squad in a nutshell:

1) The defense sucks
The tradition of most German squads is a solid defense that fights to the end. Unfortunately, currently the motto seems to be "the end is near." The defense is usually in chaos. The young defenders have not been able to impress in the national squad. Guys like Metzelder, Mertesacker, Owomoyela are promising and quite solid in the Bundesliga, but look way over their heads internationally. Phillip Lahm might be the best, but he's been injured. Players like Robert Huth, the Schwarzenbeck style oaf, can't even get a reserve match at Chelsea, so how can they be any good, or even develop? Retreads like Christian Wörns seem too slow and rely mostly on fouls these days. Unfortunately, there doesn't seem to be any solution, so perhaps just go with youth and hope for the best.

2) The goalkeeping sucks
OK, not completely true. There appear to be decent keepers available. Olli Kahn is clearly no longer world class, but if you can overlook his occasional brain-fart, he's perfectly adequate. Jens Lehmann is OK too. Younger players like Hildebrand would be fine. The problem seems to be that Klinsmann hasn't made up his mind who his number 1 is, and believes that "competition" makes everybody better. In this case, it's probably the opposite. Since the defense is already chaotic, they really need a predictable goal-keeper. Defenders need to know if the keeper is coming out or staying on the line on crosses, how he positions etc. Given the chaos in the defense, the goalkeeping has been less effective. Fortunately, this can probably be solved by just picking one, any one. My recommendation would be NOT to pick Kahn or Lehmann, since although they're probably the best, they'll just continue to gripe and poison the atmosphere. So GET RID OF BOTH and go with somebody else.

3) The midfield sucks
The main problem is that there is no creativity in midfield. This is no surprise, as this has often been the case. Germany needs a playmaker, and they don't have one. Michael Ballack is a superb, world class player, great defender and deadly finisher, but he doesn't create chances. Porbably the most creative player was Sebastian Deisler, but his mental breakdown pretty much finished him off, and he'll never be useful. Bernd Schneider is very useful on the wing, good crosser, but in desperation Klinsmann has been playing him out of position on defense, and he's largely sucked there. Borowski has proven he can't do the job. There do seem to be workhorse types, like Schweinsteiger, but in general, without a playmaker, Germany will run around like a chicken with it's head chopped off. Interestingly enough, Schalke's Brazilian playmaker Lincoln made noises about becoming a "German", since he has zero chance of ever making anything but a waterboy with Brazil. Klinsmann shot that down, saying he wasn't "German" enough, whatever that means. Better check with with those pure Aryan Germans like Gerald Asamoah or Patrick Owomoyela to find out. Maybe they could convince Hertha's Marcelinho to become a German citizen, since he usually sports blond hair :)

4) The offense sucks
Actually, the offense is OK. Ballack coming out of midfield is deadly, probably the best in the world. Youngster Lukas Podolski has shown accurate finishing and the ability to create goals. He reminds one of a earlier Köln legend, Pierre Littbarski, or Karl-Heinz Rumenigge. If he continues to progress, he'll be world class. So the main problem seems to be the inconsistency of the strike partner. Miroslav Klose and Kevin Kuranyi might as well be twins. One day they'll score and the next day they'll be invisible. They seem however to be most worthless in big games, which is a problem. Klose can score at will against crap like Saudi Arabia, but if he's matched against a good defender, forget it. Might as well put Asamoah in. He can't hit the side of a barn, but he's big and maybe could thump somebody to provide a bit of entertainment. Kevin Kuranyi is Klose standing on his tip-toes. Oliver Neuville? Ha-ha-ha!

5) The coaching sucks
Klinsmann got off to a decent start with his enthusiastic approach, and managed to restore some excitement in the squad play. He seems to want to play wide open attacking football, which should entertain the fans. However, he also seems to have used up most of his initial goodwill, partially because of his stubborness by refusing to relocate from California. He gives the impression of a part-time manager. Furthermore, he's managed to antagonize many of the Bundesliga managers, most important of which are the know-it-alls of Bayern München. With all the constant sniping and lack of media support, pretty soon folks are going to believe he can't do the job. In reality, the jury is still out on whether he can do the job.

So what's the prognosis? Not good. At this stage, Germany appears to have severely regressed since the Confederations Cup. They would get bitch-slapped by most strong teams, so unless they get a very favorbale draw, it could be a national disgrace like Euro 2004...

Worthless rumour department

There has been speculation that Borussia Dortmund will make a move for Barcelona's Henrik Larsson. Since Dortmund giant Jan Koller is likely out for the season, Borussia desperately need a target man. If they could get Larsson on a loan, it could benefit everybody. Larsson was out with injury and basically can't hold a spot in Barcelona, since Eto'o is far superior. If he's healthy, he could probably rip holes in Bundesliga nets and maybe re-establish himself. Meanwhile, Fredi Bobic is accusing Bundesliga teams of "being afraid of him". He's been out of a job since being dropped by Hertha. He might have a point, since he got a reputation as being "difficult" in Berlin, and feuded with General manager Dieter Hoeness. And certainly there are plenty of worthless attack forces in the Bundesliga that could use a striker. In more important news, "Bild-Zeitung" held a contest for the "Most beautiful woman in the Bundesliga" and the hands down winner (over 50%!) was Sylvie van der Vaart, the wife of Hamburg's Dutch import Rafael van der Vaart. Since Rafael has taken the Bundesliga by stornm and rapidly developing into the league's best player, consider this a double-dutch treat.


October 8, 2005

Honeymoon over - national team crap!

In a rather listless and lame performance, the DFB squad lost 2-1 on the road against Turkey in a friendly. Although without the services of playmaker Michael Ballack, the Germans generally played crap, which indicates that the honeymoon around Jürgen Klinsmann's leadership of the squad has probably petered out. The Turks looked quicker and superior to the clumsy DFB squad, who still managed to generate a few solid chances - but Turkey's keeper Volkan was up to the task, which is probably more than you can say about his counterpart Oliver Kahn. (actually, Kahn and Podolski were the only German players that were even half-way decent.)To add insult to injury, the finishing goal was scored by Nur Sahin of Borussia Dortmund, who at 16 recently became the youngest player in the Bundesliga. Apparently the Turks snapped him up so he couldn't change his mind and play someday for Germany. Germany's consolation goal was scored in injury time by retread Oliver Neuville. The crap national team is a crisis of immense proportions, more important than the recent election impasse.

Skibbe gets life-time supply of Alka-Seltzer!

Or maybe it's another flagship Bayer product, Pepto-Bismol. In any case, Michael Skibbe was just announced as new Bayer Leverkusen coach. Ouch. Skibbe's claim to fame is taking a brilliant Borussia Dortmund, just off a Champions League title and making them crap. Then he continued his merry ways as an assistant on the national team, contributing to their accelerated decline. Sure, the Völler/Skibbe tandem "led" Germany to a 2nd place finish in the 2002 World Cup. But this has to go down in history as the worst ever 2nd place team in the history of the World Cup. Now in Skibbe's favor, he still young (40), and undoubtedly this is probably the least pressure filled situation he's been in for a while, considering the Dortmund and DFB zoo. So perhaps he can right the sinking Luserkusen ship. But you get the feeling that this is a perfidious maneuver by the Bayer Corporation to reduce their subsidy: if you can get Leverkusen relegated, all the expensive players will leave and you can give a lower subsidy in the 2.Liga. Then at the right moment, they can pull another Uerdingen and abandon ship altogether!


October 2, 2005

Liga results

No shocking matches this week, but good results for the leaders. The most impressive outing was undoutedly Hamburg's 3-0 win away to Kaiserslautern, which continues HSV's excellent start to the season. Although it's questionable whether they can be considered contenders in the long run, they clearly seem to be on the right track after several disappointing seasons. Leaders Bayern had a ho-hum win over the Volkswagens, but Bremen had a huge win in Berlin. Schalke was hardly dominant against a crap Frankfurt side and has to be fortunate to take home all the points. They certainly didn't follow up their excellent midweek Euro performance against AC Milan. Although Eintracht gave a good effort, they don't look like a Bundesliga team and need to step things up if they are to have a chance to survive. Their pathetic offense makes that prospect unlikely. Nürnberg on the other hand grabbed their first win of the season against the young Köln side, who despite an early good start look to be headed into the relegation fight. Gladbach continues to snitch points and without looking impressive at all, have managed to sneak up on the verge of a UEFA spot.

 

Bundesliga, Round 8:

Bayer Leverkusen     -  Arminia Bielefeld  1:1 (0:0) 
Borussia M'gladbach  -  FSV Mainz 05       1:0 (1:0) 
Hertha BSC Berlin    -  Werder Bremen      1:2 (0:0)
1. FC Nürnberg       -  1. FC Köln         2:1 (1:0)
Bayern München       -  VfL Wolfsburg      2:0 (0:0) 
Eintracht Frankfurt  -  FC Schalke 04      0:1 (0:0) 
Hannover 96          -  MSV Duisburg       1:1 (1:1) 
Borussia Dortmund    -  VfB Stuttgart      0:0 (0:0) 
1. FC Kaiserslautern -  Hamburger SV       0:3 (0:1) 


 1 Bayern München 	8 7 0 1  17:5  +12  21 
 2 Hamburger SV 	8 6 2 0  17:4  +13  20 
 3 Werder Bremen 	8 6 1 1  21:10 +11  19
---------------------------------------------- 
 4 FC Schalke 04 	8 4 4 0  10:5  +5   16 
 5 Hertha BSC Berlin	8 4 2 2  12:9  +3   14
---------------------------------------------- 
 6 Borussia M'gladbach 	8 4 2 2  10:9  +1   14 
 7 VfL Wolfsburg 	8 3 3 2  11:12 -1   12 
 8 Bayer Leverkusen 	8 3 2 3  15:14 +1   11 
 9 Borussia Dortmund 	8 2 4 2  11:10 +1   10 
10 VfB Stuttgart 	8 2 4 2   9:9   0   10 
11 1. FC Köln 		8 3 0 5  11:13 -2    9 
12 Hannover 96 		8 1 4 3   9:12 -3    7 
13 1. FC Kaiserslautern 8 2 1 5  10:18 -8    7 
14 MSV Duisburg 	8 1 3 4  11:16 -5    6 
15 1. FC Nürnberg 	8 1 3 4   6:11 -5    6
---------------------------------------------- 
16 Arminia Bielefeld 	8 1 3 4   6:13 -7    6 
17 FSV Mainz 05 	8 1 1 6   5:12 -7    4 
18 Eintracht Frankfurt 	8 1 1 6   3:12 -9    4




The topsy turvy Zeite Liga once again lived up to it's reputation of unpredicatability. No one has any clue who is going to get promoted, and although the relegation battle usually is clearer at the early stage, surprises can happen here too. The most significant result is probably Saarbrücken's first win. Bochum took back the table leadership with a 1-0 win on Monday night against 1860.
 

 2.Liga, Round 8:


Alemannia Aachen    -  Greuther Fürth     0:1 (0:1) 
SpVgg Unterhaching  -  1. FC Saarbrücken  0:1 (0:1) 
Erzgebirge Aue      -  LR Ahlen           0:0 (0:0) 
Sportfr. Siegen     -  Dynamo Dresden     2:2 (1:1) 
SC Paderborn 07     -  Kickers Offenbach  4:1 (1:1) 
Eintr. Braunschweig -  SC Freiburg        0:0 (0:0) 
SVW Burghausen      -  Hansa Rostock      1:1 (1:1) 
Karlsruher SC       -  Energie Cottbus    3:2 (0:1) 
VfL Bochum          -  1860 München       1:0 (0:0)

 1 VfL Bochum 		8 5 3 0  14:5  +9  18 
 2 Energie Cottbus 	8 5 1 2  18:11 +7  16 
 3 SC Paderborn 07 	8 5 0 3  15:9  +6  15
--------------------------------------------- 
 4 Eintr. Braunschweig 	8 4 2 2  13:7  +6  14 
 5 Karlsruher SC 	8 4 2 2   9:6  +3  14 
 6 SC Freiburg 		8 4 2 2   9:7  +2  14 
 7 TSV 1860 München 	8 4 1 3  15:10 +5  13 
 8 Greuther Fürth 	8 4 1 3  11:12 -1  13 
 9 Alemannia Aachen 	8 4 0 4  16:13 +3  12 
10 Sportfreunde Siegen 	8 3 2 3  13:10 +3  11 
11 Dynamo Dresden 	8 3 2 3  12:11 +1  11 
12 Erzgebirge Aue 	8 2 4 2   6:6   0  10 
13 Kickers Offenbach 	8 3 1 4  10:18 -8  10 
14 Wacker Burghausen    8 1 5 2   8:9  -1   8
--------------------------------------------- 
15 Hansa Rostock 	8 2 2 4   9:12 -3   8 
16 SpVgg Unterhaching 	8 1 2 5   8:13 -5   5 
17 1. FC Saarbrücken 	8 1 1 6   3:21 -18  4 
18 LR Ahlen 		8 0 3 5   8:17 -9   3 


More Alka-Seltzer for Leverkusen

The club everyone likes to make fun of, i.e. "Luserkusen", "Vizekusen", "Alka-Seltzer", etc. is in a bit of a crisis, and perhaps a permanent one. Bayer Leverkusen was originally founded as a division of the Bayer chemical corporation, and although they have been "independent" for quite a while, they've depended heavily on the corporation's cash. That spigot has been turned off, and the club is struggling to come to terms with the new reailty. During the Rainer Calmund reign as General manager, the club spent liberally, bringing in talent from overseas and signing some of the best German players as well. They managed to win the UEFA Cup, show up in the Champions League final and often challenge for a Bundesliga title. Calmund eventually retired a couple of years ago, perhaps because he saw the gravy train coming to an end. (or maybe his considerable girth could no longer fit into a seat at the Pepto-Bismol-Arena) Current management still spouts ambition about challenging for the Bundesliga title and qualifying for Europe, but there are indications that things may be going south. Manager Klaus Augenthaler, who had led Bayer to 3rd and 6th places, was abruptly fired after only four matches this season, with Sports director Rudi Völler taking over. The plan was that Matthias Sammer or Ottmar Hitzfeld would come aboard, but apparently both of them declined. Perhaps they already see the writing on the wall. General manager Wolfgang Holzhäuser insists that all is well, but he can hardly be thrilled with the shouts of "Holzhäuser raus!" from the stands in Bayer's lack-luster recent 1-1 draw with Bielefeld. Indeed, the GM fled from the stands like a dog with his tail between his legs, which is sure to encourage the more militant minded fans. (On the other hand, Bayer has the fewest fans of any Bundesliga club, so maybe this is not an issue.)

The likely scenario is that Bayer will decline into mid-table mediocrity. There are some decent players on the squad, so they should be safe from any relegation worries in the near term, and a UEFA spot doesn't seem totally unbelievable for this season. But the long term prognosis can't be any good. As mentioned, Bayer has the fewest fans and the smallest stadium and once they sell their (already diminished) current crop of stars, they'll have no more money to compete.

Nowotny raus!

As if to add fuel to the problems just described, Bayer Leverkusen took another step as General Manager Wolfgang Holzhäuser "fired" long serving sweeper Jens Nowotny from the club. Nowotny, capped 45 times for Germany, was apparently feuding with management over money, to the point of taking the club to court. He has been injured and not playing, but at age 31, still figured to be a major league player. According to Holzhäuser, dragging the Alka-Seltzers before the court was apparently too much of an insult, so Nowotny will "never play for Leverkusen again". He has a contract until 2008, so the club will pay his wages, allow him to train and pay his medical expenses, but he can't go to team meetings or sit on the bench, unless he agrees to be the waterboy. Nobody comes out looking good in this situation, Holzhäser looking like a wussy wanker, Nowotny like a greedy bastard and Sport director and interim manager Rudi Völler like a wimpy lapdog.


September 28, 2005

Euro results

A mixed bag for the Bundesliga clubs in the Champions League. Bayern defeated Brügge 1-0 in a game they totally dominated, since the Belgians basically just hunkered down. Bremen lost 1-2 at Panathinaikos. They fell behind early, and despite controlling the rest of the match, Werder was unable to come back. Schalke put in a good effort, coming back twice and drawing 2-2 with AC Milan.


September 26, 2005

Bundesliga wrapup

Hooray for Hamburg! HSV prevented the Bundesliga from degenerating into a snoozer like the EPL as they stopped the bayern juggernaut. And in fact, Bayern were well beaten, which raises at least some small hope that the race isn't over yet. Hamburg's Rafael van der Vaart scored an early opener, and is turning out to be a great buy. The pretenders to the throne managed to get points as well to tighten things up. Hertha won on the road against overrated Köln, and Bremen won an exciting match against Leverkusen. Schalke dominated against Hannover, and although they proved that their fowards evidently have trouble hitting the side of a barn, their non-stop pressure eventually yielded two goals for the 100 chances... On the bottom, there were some significant results as well. Gladbach's win at Bielefeld kept their good start going, and Mainz grabbed a point against Dortmund. Nürnberg is now the crappiest club as they lost an imporant match in Duisburg.

 

Bundesliga, Round 7:

MSV Duisburg       -  1. FC Nürnberg 		1:0 (1:0)   
FC Schalke 04      -  Hannover 96 		2:0 (0:0) 
Hamburger SV       -  Bayern München 		2:0 (1:0)
VfL Wolfsburg      -  Eintracht Frankfurt 	1:0 (1:0)
Werder Bremen      -  Bayer Leverkusen 		2:1 (0:0) 
FSV Mainz 05       -  Borussia Dortmund 	1:1 (0:0) 
Arminia Bielefeld  -  Borussia M'gladbach 	0:2 (0:1) 
1. FC Köln         -  Hertha BSC Berlin		0:1 (0:0) 
VfB Stuttgart      -  1. FC Kaiserslautern 	1:0 (1:0) 


 1 Bayern München 	7 6 0 1  15:5  +10 18 
 2 Hamburger SV 	7 5 2 0  14:4  +10 17 
 3 Werder Bremen 	7 5 1 1  19:9  +10 16
--------------------------------------------- 
 4 Hertha BSC Berlin	7 4 2 1  11:7  +4  14 
 5 FC Schalke 04 	7 3 4 0   9:5  +4  13
--------------------------------------------- 
 6 VfL Wolfsburg 	7 3 3 1  11:10 +1  12 
 7 Borussia M'gladbach 	7 3 2 2   9:9   0  11 
 8 Bayer Leverkusen 	7 3 1 3  14:13 +1  10 
 9 Borussia Dortmund 	7 2 3 2  11:10 +1   9 
10 VfB Stuttgart 	7 2 3 2   9:9   0   9 
11 1. FC Köln 		7 3 0 4  10:11 -1   9 
12 1. FC Kaiserslautern 7 2 1 4  10:15 -5   7 
13 Hannover 96 		7 1 3 3   8:11 -3   6 
14 MSV Duisburg 	7 1 2 4  10:15 -5   5 
15 Arminia Bielefeld 	7 1 2 4   5:12 -7   5 
---------------------------------------------
16 FSV Mainz 05 	7 1 1 5   5:11 -6   4 
17 Eintracht Frankfurt 	7 1 1 5   3:11 -8   4 
18 1. FC Nürnberg 	7 0 3 4   4:10 -6   3 



Another typical day in the 2nd division, with unpredicatbale results. The most significant occurence was probably Rostock's first win, so the relegated club is back with the rest of the squads. Cottbus is this week's leader, undoubtedly to be turned over next week, since DFB regulations evidently require a different 1st place club every week :)
 

2. Liga, Round 7:

SC Freiburg       -  SpVgg Unterhaching  3:2 (1:2) 
1860 München      -  Eintr. Braunschweig 1:0 (0:0) 
Kickers Offenbach -  VfL Bochum 	 0:0 (0:0) 
LR Ahlen          -  SVW Burghausen 	 2:2 (1:1) 
Energie Cottbus   -  Erzgebirge Aue 	 1:0 (0:0) 
1. FC Saarbrücken -  Karlsruher SC 	 1:2 (1:0) 
Greuther Fürth    -  Sportfr. Siegen 	 1:0 (1:0) 
Dynamo Dresden    -  SC Paderborn 07 	 0:2 (0:1) 
Hansa Rostock     -  Alem. Aachen 	 1:0 (1:0) 


 1 Energie Cottbus 	7 5 1 1  16:8  +8  16 
 2 VfL Bochum 		7 4 3 0  13:5  +8  15 
 3 TSV 1860 München 	7 4 1 2  15:9  +6  13
--------------------------------------------- 
 4 Eintr. Braunschweig 	7 4 1 2  13:7  +6  13 
 5 SC Freiburg 		7 4 1 2   9:7  +2  13 
 6 Alemannia Aachen 	7 4 0 3  16:12 +4  12 
 7 SC Paderborn 07 	7 4 0 3  11:8  +3  12 
 8 Karlsruher SC 	7 3 2 2   6:4  +2  11 
 9 Sportfr. Siegen 	7 3 1 3  11:8  +3  10 
10 Dynamo Dresden 	7 3 1 3  10:9  +1  10 
11 Greuther Fürth 	7 3 1 3  10:12 -2  10 
12 Kickers Offenbach 	7 3 1 3   9:14 -5  10 
13 Erzgebirge Aue 	7 2 3 2   6:6   0   9 
14 SVW Burghausen 	7 1 4 2   7:8  -1   7
--------------------------------------------- 
15 Hansa Rostock 	7 2 1 4   8:11 -3   7 
16 SpVgg Unterhaching 	7 1 2 4   8:12 -4   5 
17 LR Ahlen 		7 0 2 5   8:17 -9   2 
18 1. FC Saarbrücken 	7 0 1 6   2:21 -19  1 




September 21, 2005

Midweek action

The so-called "English Week" of midweek games saw a full slate of matches throughout the German leagues. There weren't too many surprises, and the only trend is that Bayern is waltzing along to another title, as the Bremen had a brain-fart in Gladbach. With Schalke also crapping, it really looks like Bayern is going to have an easy time. Hamburg got a nice victory at Stuttgart. VfB manager "Ich habe fertig" Trappatoni has got to be one of the next coaches to get fired. Stuttgart doesn't have too much talent left, since they've sold it all, but they've been real lackluster in all their matches this season. Mainz finally got going, with an important win in the Southwest derby. Duisburg gave another good effort, but they're simply too crap to be anywhere but the bottom.

 

Bundesliga, Round 6:

Borussia M'gladbach  -  Werder Bremen       2:1 (0:1) 
Borussia Dortmund    -  Arminia Bielefeld   2:0 (1:0) 
Eintracht Frankfurt  -  Bayern München      0:1 (0:0) 
Hannover 96          -  VfL Wolfsburg       2:4 (1:4) 
Bayer Leverkusen     -  1. FC Köln          2:1 (1:0) 
Hertha BSC Berlin    -  MSV Duisburg        3:2 (1:1) 
1. FC Kaiserslautern -  FSV Mainz 05        0:2 (0:1)
1. FC Nürnberg       -  FC Schalke 04       1:1 (1:0)
VfB Stuttgart        -  Hamburger SV        1:2 (0:1) 

 1 Bayern München 	6 6 0 0  15:3  +12 18 
 2 Hamburger SV 	6 4 2 0  12:4  +8  14 
 3 Werder Bremen 	6 4 1 1  17:8  +9  13
--------------------------------------------- 
 4 Hertha BSC 		6 3 2 1  10:7  +3  11 
 5 Bayer Leverkusen 	6 3 1 2  13:11 +2  10
--------------------------------------------- 
 6 FC Schalke 04 	6 2 4 0   7:5  +2  10 
 7 1. FC Köln 		6 3 0 3  10:10  0   9 
 8 VfL Wolfsburg 	6 2 3 1  10:10  0   9 
 9 Borussia Dortmund 	6 2 2 2  10:9  +1   8 
10 Borussia M'gladbach 	6 2 2 2   7:9  -2   8 
11 1. FC Kaiserslautern 6 2 1 3  10:14 -4   7 
12 Hannover 96 		6 1 3 2   8:9  -1   6 
13  VfB Stuttgart 	6 1 3 2   8:9  -1   6 
14 Arminia Bielefeld 	6 1 2 3   5:10 -5   5 
15 Eintracht Frankfurt 	6 1 1 4   3:10 -7   4
--------------------------------------------- 
16 1. FC Nürnberg 	6 0 3 3   4:9  -5   3 
17 FSV Mainz 05 	6 1 0 5   4:10 -6   3 
18 MSV Duisburg 	6 0 2 4   9:15 -6   2 


Good results for the top clubs in the 2.Liga, although 1860 once again screwed up at home in front of a decent crowd (30,000, not bad for midweek). From the relegated clubs, Bochum looks to be returning to the Bundesliga. Although it's early, they seem to have the form to grab one of the 3 promotion spots in this war of attrition. The other relegated clubs, Freiburg and Rostock have been crap, although Freiburg could still get htings together. Braunschweig continues to surprise as a promoted club.
 

2.Liga, Round 6:

VfL Bochum          -  Dynamo Dresden 	   1:0 (0:0) 
Eintr. Braunschweig -  Kickers Offenbach   2:0 (0:0) 
1860 München 	    -  SC Freiburg         0:1 (0:0) 
Karlsruher SC       -  SpVgg Unterhaching  1:0 (1:0) 
SC Paderborn 07     -  Greuther Fürth      1:2 (1:0) 
Alem. Aachen        -  LR Ahlen            6:2 (3:0) 
SVW Burghausen      -  Energie Cottbus     0:1 (0:0) 
Erzgebirge Aue      -  1. FC Saarbrücken   2:0 (1:0) 
Sportfr. Siegen     -  Hansa Rostock       -:- (Thursday) 

 1 VfL Bochum 		6 4 2 0  13:5  +8  14 
 2 Energie Cottbus 	6 4 1 1  15:8  +7  13 
 3 Eintr. Braunschweig 	6 4 1 1  13:6  +7  13
--------------------------------------------- 
 4 Alem. Aachen 	6 4 0 2  16:11 +5  12 
 5 TSV 1860 München 	6 3 1 2  14:9  +5  10 
 6 Dynamo Dresden 	6 3 1 2  10:7  +3  10 
 7 SC Freiburg 		6 3 1 2   6:5  +1  10 
 8 Sportfr. Siegen 	5 3 0 2  10:6  +4   9 
 9 SC Paderborn 07 	6 3 0 3   9:8  +1   9 
10 Erzgebirge Aue 	6 2 3 1   6:5  +1   9 
11 Kickers Offenbach 	6 3 0 3   9:14 -5   9 
12 Karlsruher SC 	6 2 2 2   4:3  +1   8 
13 Greuther Fürth 	6 2 1 3   9:12 -3   7 
14 SVW Burghausen 	6 1 3 2   5:6  -1   6
--------------------------------------------- 
15 SpVgg Unterhaching 	6 1 2 3   6:9  -3   5 
16 Hansa Rostock 	5 1 0 4   6:10 -4   3 
17 LR Ahlen 		6 0 1 5   6:15 -9   1 
18 1. FC Saarbrücken 	6 0 1 5   1:19 -18  1 



September 18, 2005

League Wrapup

The Bundesliga took further shape after Round 5, and it looks like only offensively minded Werder Bremen can challenge champions Bayern München for the title. Crap results by Schalke and Hamburg have revealed them to be empty cannons. Bayern won a record 14th match in a row, breaking their previous best from 1981. Nevertheless, it was a ho-hum performance where Hannover might have grabbed a point if they had been ambitious instead of Angsthasen ("scared rabbits"). Bremen won a wild shootout with Dortmund, although some shooting accuracy might have made things easier for them. Dortmund remains the most difficult team to figure out, as they are capable of strong performances, but also crap. As mentioned, Schalke was lackluster in their draw with Berlin. One wonders what Schalke windbag director Rudi Assauer will pontificate about next? At least the Bayern blowhards (Rummenigge, Hoeness etc.) bring home the bacon.

At the bottom, Mainz was unlucky to lose against a boring Stuttgart, so maintain their perfect record. Now you know what the "05" really stands for! But seriously, given the mediocrity of the bottom feeders such as Nürnberg, Duisburg, Frankfurt and probably Bielefeld and Gladbach, a couple of wins could have Jürgen Klopp's troops back in the race for salvation. Promoted Köln continues to deceive. They're crap, but they are winning matches when they have a chance, and look to grab enough points to stay up, fair play to them!

 

Bundesliga, Round 5:

1. FC Köln 	  - Borussia M'gladbach  2:1 (2:0) 
Hamburger SV 	  - Eintracht Frankfurt  1:1 (0:0) 
VfL Wolfsburg 	  - 1. FC Nürnberg       1:1 (1:0) 
Werder Bremen 	  - Borussia Dortmund    3:2 (1:1) 
Bayern München 	  - Hannover 96          1:0 (1:0) 
FSV Mainz 05 	  - VfB Stuttgart        1:2 (0:0) 
Arminia Bielefeld - 1. FC Kaiserslautern 0:0 (0:0) 
MSV Duisburg	  - Bayer Leverkusen     1:3 (1:2) 
FC Schalke 04 	  - Hertha BSC           0:0 (0:0) 


 1 Bayern München 	5 5 0 0  14:3  +11  15 
 2 Werder Bremen 	5 4 1 0  16:6  +10  13 
 3 Hamburger SV 	5 3 2 0  10:3  +7   11
---------------------------------------------- 
 4 FC Schalke 04 	5 2 3 0   6:4  +2    9 
 5 1. FC Köln 		5 3 0 2   9:8  +1    9
---------------------------------------------- 
 6 Hertha BSC Berlin	5 2 2 1   7:5  +2    8 
 7 Bayer Leverkusen 	5 2 1 2  11:10 +1    7 
 8 1. FC Kaiserslautern 5 2 1 2  10:12 -2    7 
 9 Hannover 96 		5 1 3 1   6:5  +1    6 
10 VfB Stuttgart 	5 1 3 1   7:7   0    6 
11 VfL Wolfsburg 	5 1 3 1   6:8  -2    6 
12 Borussia Dortmund 	5 1 2 2   8:9  -1    5 
13 Borussia M'gladbach 	5 1 2 2   5:8  -3    5 
14 Arminia Bielefeld 	5 1 2 2   5:8  -3    5 
15 Eintracht Frankfurt 	5 1 1 3   3:9  -6    4
---------------------------------------------- 
16 MSV Duisburg 	5 0 2 3   7:12 -5    2 
17 1. FC Nürnberg 	5 0 2 3   3:8  -5    2 
18 FSV Mainz 05 	5 0 0 5   2:10 -8    0 


The 2.Liga remains chaotic. Traditionally, every team is fighting promotion or struggling against relegation, and this season looks to be no exception. In fact, usually some teams move from one level to another over a season. So if you barely miss promotion, make sure you don't get relegated the next. BTW, 12 of the 18 teams have played in the Bundesliga at one time or another. Big results this week was 1860s impressive win at Offenbach and Cottbus thumping of Aachen. Also big was the first win for relegated Rostock and first point for Saarbrücken.

 

2.Liga, Round 5:

SC Freiburg        - Karlsruher SC        0:0 (0:0) 
Greuther Fürth     - VfL Bochum           1:3 (1:2) 
SpVgg Unterhaching - Erzgebirge Aue       1:1 (0:1) 
Kickers Offenbach  - 1860 München         2:5 (0:3) 
Dynamo Dresden     - Eintr. Braunschweig  1:1 (0:1) 
Hansa Rostock      - SC Paderborn 07      2:0 (1:0) 
LR Ahlen           - Sportfr. Siegen      0:1 (0:1) 
Energie Cottbus    - Alem. Aachen         5:1 (2:0) 
1. FC Saarbrücken  - SVW Burghausen       1:1 (0:0) 


 1 VfL Bochum 		5 3 2 0  12:5  +7  11 
 2 TSV 1860 München 	5 3 1 1  14:8  +6  10 
 3 Energie Cottbus 	5 3 1 1  14:8  +6  10
--------------------------------------------- 
 4 Eintr. Braunschweig 	5 3 1 1  11:6  +5  10 
 5 Dynamo Dresden 	5 3 1 1  10:6  +4  10 
 6 Sportfr. Siegen 	5 3 0 2  10:6  +4   9 
 7 SC Paderborn 07 	5 3 0 2   8:6  +2   9 
 8 Alemannia Aachen 	5 3 0 2  10:9  +1   9 
 9 Kickers Offenbach 	5 3 0 2   9:12 -3   9 
10 SC Freiburg 		5 2 1 2   5:5   0   7 
11 Wacker Burghausen 	5 1 3 1   5:5   0   6 
12 Erzgebirge Aue 	5 1 3 1   4:5  -1   6 
13 Karlsruher SC 	5 1 2 2   3:3   0   5 
14 SpVgg Unterhaching 	5 1 2 2   6:8  -2   5
--------------------------------------------- 
15 Greuther Fürth 	5 1 1 3   7:11 -4   4 
16 Hansa Rostock 	5 1 0 4   6:10 -4   3 
17 LR Ahlen 		5 0 1 4   4:9  -5   1 
18 1. FC Saarbrücken 	5 0 1 4   1:17 -16  1 


A brief note from the Regionalliga (3rd division). Both the North and South groups have played 8-9 matches. So far, VfB L&¨beck is in control of the north, with Rot-Weiss Essen, Holstein Kiel and St.Pauli chasing. Germany's most important club, Wuppertaler SV, is in 9th. In the South, TSG Hoffenheim is the surprise early leader, ahead of Darmstadt and Augsburg.

Keep up the, err, good work!

This story just keeps on growing. Last week everybody's favorite newspaper, that paragon of journalistic integrity, yes, Bild-Zeitung, reported that Bulgarian Chavdar Yankov suffered a vicious penis injury. Nevertheless, being a hard man, he got himself patched up and scored the winning goal for his Hannover 69, oops, 96 club against Frankfurt. Luckily, his girlfriend is out of the country, so Bild-Zeitung's description of various "banned" sexual acts are probably not relevant, despite a "4 day sex ban"...Bild then accused Frankfurt's Benjamin Köhler as the culprit, who denied causing the injury, and even claimed that he apologized, "even to Yankov's girlfirend". In reality, Köhler stated that he "couldn't remember, but if it was me, I apologize." However, "kicker" has revealed that the guilty party was in fact Christopher Spycher...


September 15, 2005

Crap Euro results

The German clubs hardly covered themselves with glory in the 1st round of European competition. In fact, it was more like the stuff you find in meadows and fields where cows have been grazing...

In the Champions League, Bayern München put in a lame performance, but still managed to win 1-0 against Austria's Rapid Wien. Schalke's Rudi Assauer threw a fit over what he called a "catastrophic" performance in the Blues 0-1 loss at PSV Eindhoven. Given the strength of the Dutch Champion, the result isn't too bad, but Schalke certainly played crap. Werder Bremen on the other hand was completely bitch-slapped 0-2 at home against Barcelona. In the build-up to this anticiapted match, "Bild-Zeitung" wailed that "Barcelona is totally arrogant! They claim to never even heard of any of the Werder players, except for Ailton." (Of course, Ailton left 2 years ago.) But I guess the Catalan flagship might be on to something, as Werder played like a bunch of nobodies...

In the first round of the UEFA Cup, more crap performances. Hamburg could only manage a measly 1-1 draw at home to FC Kopenhagen. Hertha BSC managed to eek out a 1-0 away win to APOEL Nicosia on an injury time Marcelinho goal. Bayer Leverkusen continued to create demand for the flagship products (Aspirin, alka-seltzer, pepto-bismol) as their disgraceful 0-1 home loss to CSKA Sofia gave their fans that ill-feeling. VfB Stuttgart hardly impressed in their 2-0 home win against worthless Slovenian side NK Domzale. The only halfway acceptable effort was Bundesliga tail-ender FSV Mainz managing a 0-0 draw at FC Sevilla.

Augenthaler gets the sack!

In a somewhat surprising move, Bayer Aspirin sports director Rudi Völler kicked manager Klaus Augenthaler's ass out of the club. Leverkusen had gotten off to a poor start in the Bundesliga, and undoubtedly the disgrace against CSKA Sofia in the UEFA Cup was the straw that broke the camel's back. Völler himself will take over managerial duties until he finds a replacement. Augenthaler had taken over in 2003, when Bayer was on the verge of relegation, and guided them to a secure spot. Last season the high priced squad only managed 6th place, missing out on the Champions League. The former Bayern defender reacted quickly stating "What do you expect when you sell Placente, Ponte, Bierofka und Franca? CHampions League? Ha!". Still, the Aspirins have a reasonable amount of talent, so let's see how Völler does...


September 12, 2005

Bundesliga Wrapup

No great surprises this week, although the extent of Werder's demolition of the Red Devils (Roten Teufel) is sure to raise some eyebrows. Bremen seems to have established a high octane offense, with the Klasnic-Klose combination striking with devastating effect. Bayern escaped with a win in the Bavarian derby despite another howler by Olli Kahn, who let the ball roll through his legs for a Nürnberg goal. Hamburg continued their good start with a win at hapless Mainz, who look ready to return to obscurity after their season in the sun. An interesting aside in the Bayer Aspirin-Schalke match: both keepers had brilliant games. In fact the soccer magazine "kicker" awarded both keepers, Jörg Butt (Leverkusen) and Frank Rost (Schalke) their highest performance rating, "1", probably the first time that's happened.

In the 2.Liga, things remain topsy-turvy in the early season. The match of the day was undoubtedly the 1860-Dresden match, which drew a nice 66,000 crowd. Oddly enough, this isn't even a 2.Liga record, as 1860 has often drawn massive crowds. Back in the old Regionalliga (then 2nd division) in the 1970s, they once drew 71,000 officially against Augsburg, although an estimated 20,000 additional fans crashed through the barriers unpaid. But as is their traditional, the Lions choked, giving Dresden a nice win. Feloow "promotee" Eintracht Braunschweig sensationally tops the table, although things change radically in the 2.Liga. Certainly Saarbrücken is hoping for some radicalism, as they've already fired their coach in what has already become a disastrous campaign. Relegated Rostock is also off to a terrible start and all their players seem to be abandoning ship as fast as they can.

 

Bundesliga, Round 4:

Bayer Leverkusen     - FC Schalke 04 		1:1 (0:0) 
Borussia M'gladbach  - MSV Duisburg 		2:1 (1:1) 
1. FC Kaiserslautern - Werder Bremen 		1:5 (0:3) 
1. FC Nürnberg       - Bayern München 		1:2 (1:1) 
VfB Stuttgart        - Arminia Bielefeld 	1:1 (0:0) 
FSV Mainz 05         - Hamburger SV 		1:3 (0:1)
Hannover 96          - Eintracht Frankfurt 	2:0 (1:0)
Borussia Dortmund    - 1. FC Köln 		2:1 (1:0) 
Hertha BSC Berlin    - VfL Wolfsburg 		3:0 (0:0) 

 1 Bayern München 	4 4 0 0 13:3  +10  12 
 2 Werder Bremen 	4 3 1 0 13:4  +9   10 
 3 Hamburger SV 	4 3 1 0  9:2  +7   10
--------------------------------------------- 
 4 FC Schalke 04 	4 2 2 0  6:4  +2    8 
 5 Hertha BSC Berlin	4 2 1 1  7:5  +2    7
--------------------------------------------- 
 6 Hannover 96 		4 1 3 0  6:4  +2    6 
 7 1. FC Köln 		4 2 0 2  7:7   0    6 
 8 1. FC Kaiserslautern 4 2 0 2 10:12 -2    6 
 9 Borussia Dortmund 	4 1 2 1  6:6   0    5 
10 VfL Wolfsburg 	4 1 2 1  5:7  -2    5 
11 Borussia M'gladbach 	4 1 2 1  4:6  -2    5 
12 Bayer Leverkusen 	4 1 1 2  8:9  -1    4 
13 Arminia Bielefeld 	4 1 1 2  5:8  -3    4 
14 VfB Stuttgart 	4 0 3 1  5:6  -1    3 
15 Eintracht Frankfurt 	4 1 0 3  2:8  -6    3
--------------------------------------------- 
16 MSV Duisburg 	4 0 2 2  6:9  -3    2 
17 1. FC Nürnberg 	4 0 1 3  2:7  -5    1 
18 FSV Mainz 05 	4 0 0 4  1:8  -7    0 


2.Liga, Round 4

Alemannia Aachen    -  1. FC Saarbrücken 	4:0 (1:0)
SVW Burghausen      -  SpVgg Unterhaching 	1:1 (0:1)
1860 München        -  Dynamo Dresden 		1:2 (0:2) 
Sportfr. Siegen     -  Energie Cottbus 		2:4 (1:1) 
SC Paderborn 07     -  LR Ahlen 		1:0 (0:0) 
Eintr. Braunschweig -  Greuther Fürth 		3:0 (1:0) 
Kickers Offenbach   -  SC Freiburg 		2:1 (0:0) 
Erzgebirge Aue      -  Karlsruher SC 		0:0 (0:0) 
VfL Bochum          -  Hansa Rostock 		1:0 (0:0)  

 1 Eintr. Braunschweig 	4 3 0 1  10:5  +5  9 
 2 Alemannia Aachen 	4 3 0 1   9:4  +5  9 
 3 Dynamo Dresden 	4 3 0 1   9:5  +4  9
-------------------------------------------- 
 4 SC Paderborn 07 	4 3 0 1   8:4  +4  9 
 5 Kickers Offenbach 	4 3 0 1   7:7   0  9 
 6 VfL Bochum 		4 2 2 0   9:4  +5  8 
 7 TSV 1860 München 	4 2 1 1   9:6  +3  7 
 8 Energie Cottbus 	4 2 1 1   9:7  +2  7 
 9 Sportfr. Siegen 	4 2 0 2   9:6  +3  6 
10 SC Freiburg 		4 2 0 2   5:5   0  6 
11 SVW Burghausen 	4 1 2 1   4:4   0  5 
12 Erzgebirge Aue 	4 1 2 1   3:4  -1  5 
13 Karlsruher SC 	4 1 1 2   3:3   0  4 
14 Greuther Fürth 	4 1 1 2   6:8  -2  4
-------------------------------------------- 
15 SpVgg Unterhaching 	4 1 1 2   5:7  -2  4 
16 LR Ahlen 		4 0 1 3   4:8  -4  1 
17 Hansa Rostock 	4 0 0 4   4:10 -6  0 
18 1. FC Saarbrücken 	4 0 0 4   0:16 -16 0 



September 7, 2005

"Prince" Poldi saves the day

Köln's Lukas Podolski saved Jürgen Klinsmann from more criticism, as he single-handedly laid out South Africa 4-2, scoring 3 times and assisting on the other goal. On an overall lame performance in front of 28,000 in Bremen's Weserstadion, the youngster ignited the crowd with a sublime performace. Overall, the German squad played decent in the first half, although they squandered chances and another crap appearance by Merstesacker, chopping down Zuma, led to a South African penalty. The subsequent goal meant another wasted effort at half-time. However, Podolski took over in a brilliant 10 minute spurt in the 2nd half to seal the victory.

Other Abseits nations results...

Whilst Klinsmann's stuttering squad are spared the effort of qualifying for the World Cup, the other Abseits monitored nations are pretty much finished and staying home. Austria is now eliminated as they could only draw 0-0 at Azerbaijan. Head coach Hans Krankl had been reduced to complaining about Jens Lehmann wearing the number 9 jersey, which he considered an "insult" to all the great center forwards who have worn that number. He demands action from FIFA!! But surely, Herr Cranky, it's less of an insult than the coaching job performed by the manager of Austria, considering all the legendary managers in Austria's glorious footballing history? He should should change his name to Hans Wanker(l)...

In a more upbeat note, Liechtenstein continues a brilliant qualifying campaign, crushing Luxembourg 3-0. That's already 8 points, which includes draws with Portugal and Slovakia, which is better than Klinsmann's outing against Mintal and Co. the other day...


September 3, 2005

Disgraceful national squad performance

The honeymoon with Jürgen Klinsmann's positive football approach came crashing down as the national squad disgraced itself losing 0-2 in Slovakia. The damage was done by a trio of Bundesliga players, as Wolfsburg's Karhan scored both goals, setup by Nürnberg's Vittek and Mintal. Klinsmann's squad sucked bigtime in the 1st half, and although they did better in the 2nd half, both sides had made wholesale changes during the break and early 2nd half. The Slovaks weren't even pumped up for the match, as less than 10,000 fans even bothered to show up. This result reminds one of the many lame performances in recent years, and shows that unless a lot changes, only dumb luck and cheating will give Germany a decent World Cup in 2006.


August 22, 2005

First Round of DFB Cup

The first main round of the DFB Cup produced few sensations, although there were a few crummy performances by the favorites. Starting with the Friday night match where Wuppertaler SV gave 1860 München all they could handle (before losing 1-2), the lower division clubs gave very credible performances. 2nd Division Kickers Offenbach upended 1.FC Köln 3-1, but that can hardly be considered much of an upset. Köln was winning until Sinkala got his ass tossed, and then got overrun. Mighty Bayerm München benefitted from a crap no-call, as an obvious handball preceded their 0-1 lead over Oberligist MSV Neuruppin. However, the champions eventually got down to business, winning 4-0. A nice crowd of 33,000 watched the amateurs sell their hides dearly. Lower division FC Villingen gave 2.Liga Hansa Rostock all they could handle before losing 2-5 in overtime. Bundesligist MSV Duisburg demonstrated their crappiness, as they could only eek out a 1-0 win against VfL Wolfsburg II. (Whose "A" team won 2-0 at Paderborn). There were few wipeouts, Bayer Aspirin winning 8-0 at Rot-Weiss Erfurt II, and VfL Bochum slammed Tennis Borussia Berlin 6-0. So Köln is the only Bundesligist to crash out, although Hertha BSC (vs. Koblenz) and VfB Stuttgart (vs. Hoffenheim) needed overtime to get through.


August 17, 2005

Germany escapes Orange Fury

Jürgen Klinsmann's national squad continues to pull rabbits out of the hat. Playing away in Rotterdam's De Kuip, the DFB squad was totally outplayed by the Dutch, but managed to scrape out a 2-2 draw. The Netherlands has a clear inferiority complex vis-a-vis Germany, and there is no match that gets their blood boiling like this one. (Meanwhile, the Germans could basically care less.) Marco Van Baasten's team started brightly, and it was clear from the beginning they were going all out for a win. Klinsmann brought back some dinosaurs like Christian Wörns and Dietmarr Hammann to try and stiffen the defense, but Wörns lame header was hammered into the net by Arjen Robben after only 3 minutes. In fact, Robben ran through the German defenses like a streaker past old and overweight security attendants, and the rampant Dutch probably should have had 3-4 goals by halftime. Germany had one measly chance in the whole half, which Arno Friedrich managed the feat of booting the ball 50 meters over the open net from only about 5 feet away. Robben would add to the lead with another great run and finish, but the Dutch then reverted to their traditional incompetance and ended up conceding two goals, off a nice header by Ballack (the only halfway decent German player on the pitch) and some highway robbery by Asamoah.

Bundesliga wrap up

More details later when things get more interesting, so just a few trends after the first two rounds. Bayern is running rampant already, with Roy Makaay already bagging 5 goals. They bitch-slapped Bayer Aspirin in the Alka-Seltzer Arena in Luserkusen. Luckily, both Werder and Hamburg are off to good starts, so maybe they won't run away with it.. Trappatoni should be practicing another "Ich habe fertig" speech if Stuttgart continues as lame as their first two matches. Köln has managed 6 points againts relegation, but Frankfurt fans shouldn't have to renew their season tickets. Bielefeld, Duisburg and Nürnberg have also looked horrible.



 1.  Bayern München 	2 2 0 0  8:2 +6  6 
 2.  Werder Bremen 	2 2 0 0  7:2 +5  6 
 3.  Hamburger SV 	2 2 0 0  5:0 +5  6
------------------------------------------ 
 4.  1. FC Koeln 	2 2 0 0  4:2 +2  6 
 5.  FC Schalke 04 	2 2 0 0  4:2 +2  6
------------------------------------------ 
 6.  Hertha BSC 	2 1 1 0  4:2 +2  4 
 7.  1. FC Kaisersl. 	2 1 0 1  6:5 +1  3 
 8.  Bayer Leverkusen 	2 1 0 1  6:6  0  3 
 9.  Hannover 96 	2 0 2 0  3:3  0  2 
10.  VfL Wolfsburg 	2 0 2 0  3:3  0  2 
11.  Borussia Dortmund 	2 0 1 1  3:4 -1  1 
12.  VfB Stuttgart 	2 0 1 1  3:4 -1  1 
13.  MSV Duisburg 	2 0 1 1  4:6 -2  1 
14.  Bor. M'gladbach 	2 0 1 1  1:4 -3  1 
15.  1. FC Nürnberg 	2 0 1 1  1:4 -3  1
------------------------------------------ 
16.  FSV Mainz 05 	2 0 0 2  0:3 -3  0 
17.  Arminia Bielefeld 	2 0 0 2  2:7 -5  0 
18.  Eintr. Frankfurt 	2 0 0 2  1:6 -5  0 



August 1, 2005

Schalke wins League Cup

Schalke won the worthless pre-season Liga-Pokal with a 1-0 victory over VfB Stuttgart on a goal by ex-Stuttgarter Kevin Kuryani. The goal was setup by Brazilian playmaker Lincoln. For their efforts, both Kuryanyi and Lincoln managed to get red-carded, and the latter will miss the Bundesliga start.

Regionalliga Rules!

In a demonstration of 3rd division prowess, Eintracht Trier thrashed Spanish First Division club Celta de Vigo 3-0 in a friendly. Celta, which was a quarterfinalist in the Champions League only two years ago, looked lackluster and tired, perhaps the result of too many tough preseason friendlies. Nevertheless, a fine scalp for Trier, which hopes for a strong season in the Regionalliga Süd and perhaps promotion.


July 26, 2005

All eyes focused on start!

The season kicks off this weekend with a major match, pitching Wuppertaler SV hosting Carl Zeiss Jena in a crucial Regionalliga Nord clash. Why this isn't carried live on Deutsche-Welle across the planet is beyond me. Certainly more interesting than the Manchester Buccaneers trying to sell 1 billion "Up the Glazer!" t-shirts in China. Of course, the Bundesliga and 2.Liga kick off the weekend of August 5-7.

Bayern knocked off in Liga-Pokal

The pre-season League Cup is in full swing. This competition basically pits the top 6 clubs, more or less. In the first semi-final, Bayern was stunned at home 1-2 by Stuttgart, who have often given them a tough match. Stuttgart had gotten there by way of a lackluster penalty win over Hertha. Bayern, as champions, had the first round bye. The 2nd semifinal pits Schalke (as "vice-champ" also receiving a bye) against Bremen, who knocked off Bayer Aspirin 1-0. This tournament doesn't draw much interest, since it's contrived and boring, although some 40,000 showed up in München, largely because of the spanking new Allianz-Versicherung stadium.


(c) Abseits Guide to Germany : www.abseits-soccer.com